💾 Archived View for elektito.com › penguins captured on 2023-09-28 at 15:31:34. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-09-08)
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At the time of this writing, the Geminispace seems to be entirely devoid of The Penguins of Madagascar, which is a real shame. So I decided to create a page and collect some of their quotes. I'm going to re-watch the series and note down some. I'll probably go through the list later again, and handpick some of the better ones.
For my purposes, the TV show is the ultimate canon. The original Madagascar movie is also quote worthy, but I'm not gonna cover that for now. The Penguins of Madagascar Movie on the other hand is an abomination and is to be entirely ignored.
S: Love?
K: It's a chemical reaction in the brain. Inducing bliss. Highly addictive.
S: No more love in the smoothies. We gotta stay sharp. Concrete jungle is an illusive mistress who may call us into action at any given moment.
S: Kowolski, reason with him.
K: Ah, reason...
S: I find reason tedious and boring. We use force.
J: Here Morris. Just to show you that _I_ am the bigger lemur, not in actual pounds of course but in the other kind of biggerness, eat the banana.
J: A little to the left.
M: My left or your left?
J: Mine of course. I am king. The lefts are all mine, silly Mort.
S: Private. Whip me up one of them love smoothies. I need to unwind.
S: Hey! Those snack provisions are for authorized personnel only.
J: Do not worry. It is only I, King Julien, who is borrowing your delicious food for my stomach.
S: Gentlemen, we need a vacation. Vacation from that lemur.
P: We can visit a zoo. They have pandas and hippos and lovely house of reptiles.
S: Private. You do know that we _live_ in a zoo.
P: But we can visit a _different_ zoo!
S: Kowolski, calculate the furthest trip possible from our present location.
K: Climate?
S: Unspecified.
K: Elevation?
S: Unimportant.
K: Lemur population?
S: Zero point zero percent.
K: I've come up with two locations that fit our vacation parameters...
D: Denmark.
S: I can't set foot in Denmark.
P: Why not Skipper?
S: Well, that's private, Private. Between me and the Danes.
K: Very well, that leaves _one_ location...
D: The moon.
S: Gentlemen. We are going to the moon!
P: But Skipper, earth has some of my favorite things. Like cookies, and oxygen.
S: And brown paper packages, tied up with string.
M: Wow, a shooting star. I wish for a bird that can't fly away...and, I also wish the shooting star doesn't hit me!
S: Welcome to the moon, boys. Lemur population zip, zero, nada! Beautiful!
K: Skipper, this alien is oddly cat-like in structure.
S: A moon cat, eh?
M: You better use my teleportation machine to hide.
K: Teleportation? That's pure science-fiction.
M: Which is exactly why I had to hide it as a microwave oven. It's top-secret.
K: Camouflage? Well played!
S: So we didn't go lunar?
K: It seems I forgot to carry the two.
K: These readings are off the charts!
S: Well, get bigger charts. Take it out of petty cash.
J: Obviously this is a new ghost, since the old ghost was just eliminated by me, your king.
M: Isn't that kind of extreme?
S: No, two sticks of dynamite would be extreme. This will just let the specter know we mean business.
S: Skipper's log. Through mysterious means I've escaped a watery doom.
M: It wasn't mysterious, it was me.
S: Marlene please, the skipper's log is no place for flights of fancy.
K: I've come up with some options. Anybody wanna here them?
R: What's the matter with the guy in the funny hat?
S: I wish I knew Roger, I wish I knew.
J: I must be dreaming...Quick, pinch me. Now bite me. Now slap my face and spank my right buttock!
M: Hey, so what's up with the commotion?
S: Unknown. I'm gonna have to await my away team to report before declaring DEFCON red.
J: Fine. I was maybe, indirectly responsible, in a way that's not my fault, for the recalling of the annoying Mort dolls.
S: Kowolski, report.
K: It's dark.
S: I concur.
S: What kind of sick and twisted toy factory is this?
S: Alright, so why are we here?
K: Ah, the question that has vexed common man and philosopher alike...that's not what you're going for, is it?
S: You can't just reschedule scheduled maintenance that's been scheduled. Right on the schedule.
J: I shall call him Julien Junior, J.J. I will raise him to be just like me: handsome, brilliant, and most of all humble.
S: The only way you're getting this one is if you pry it from my cold, dead flippers.
J: Ugh, sounds gross...but doable!
S: Team up, with you?
J: I was thinking more like you do all of the work, and I will watch with anticipation.
J: What more can I, a devilishly handsome lemur king, do?
J: Oh, who is more elite than me? I shall play this flag capturing game. And when I say play, of course I mean win.
J: Are you a penguin, or a chicken? This calls for harsh mocking.
K: If by some statistically remote chance you do win, the rewards are respect and glory.
P: And a little swagger in your step.
J: These prizes are cheap. As your king I already own glory and respect, don't I? But not a TV!
S: Buck up man. We may have lost the battle...
P: And the telly!
S: But not the war.
J: When I win, this hi-fi will be my-fi!
S: Actions speak louder than words.
J: [Speaking into the megaphone] AND THIS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN ACTIONS!
[TV]: Did you pay too much for auto insurance?
J: It is very possible.
S: Lemur! One last game. All or nothing!
J: But I have the all, and you have the nothing. so...how does that work?
J: The flightless birds! they...they...
M: They're flying!
S: Well, that's five minutes of our lives we're not getting back.
K: Until I get my time machine fully functioning.
M: Wait, do you mean that Mort is exiled for eternity?
J: Forever or for eternity. I'm flexible.
M: You are a role model. You are a natural leader.
S: Well, guilty as charged.
J: What is a computer?
M: I like computers.
J: So you know?
M: No, but I don't have to know to like!
M: If you change your mind, you know where to find me.
J: Okay. But I don't change my mind. I have people for that.
S: Just as I feared. You've been brainwashed.
P: I've been brainwashed?
S: Yes, you've been brainwashed.
P: Brainwashed...
S: You don't want your brain washed.
P: I don't want my brain washed.
S: Hey, I'm as fun as the next guy!
M: Not if the next guy is that guy!
P: You're forgetting the Penguin credo. Never swim alone.
J: My head is naked, my head is nude, my head is crownless, dark is my mood!
S: Well, incredible size and brute strength...and magnificent aim...aren't everything.
M: Okay, okay. I failed. Everybody, I failed. There. I'm an "otter" failure.
J: I too am gasping in horror, but on the inside.
S: You gotta focus, Marlene. You just named four of the eight continents.
M: Er, there are only seven continents.
S: I count Atlantis. Trust me lemur, if you had my security clearance, you would too.
K: Which one do I save? Think Kowalski, think!
S: No, don't think man! Act!
K: Private's part of the team. Then again, Marlene has vital information. Of course, Private does owe me five dollars!
S: That's gonna be a bit of a problem. You see I don't know the meaning of the word "surrender."
K: [whispering] Surrender is a verb, Skipper. It means to give up or yield...ah, right!
J: I am eating my lychee nuts in one moment, and then boingo, I am here in the laps of luxury. Life is funny that way.
S: Listen up, lemur. Morris ate those bad nuts. He went off the deep end.
K: He's turned the lemur habitat into an armed fortress.
P: He's enslaved the entire zoo!
J: I cannot be believing my ears. Morris ate my lychee nuts!
S: Whistling! Awfully cheery for someone pushing a suspiciously human shaped sack, wouldn't you say?
P: I don't know Skipper, sometimes a good whistle makes me feel like a pretty little butterfly!
S: Take a look at our future boys. Phase two, robot animals.
K: It's classic cost cutting maneuver: replacement and elimination.
S: Dynamite! The classic time bomb bundle with the LED countdown delay. Maximum explodability, matched with maximum getawayability. Rico, you're a mad genius!
S: That dame is a riddle, wrapped in mystery, and dunked in nasty sauce.
S: So that's the game. Blowing us one by one with unregurgitatable time bombs. I'm horrified, and yet, impressed.
S: Not to worry men, there's more than one way to make a penguin puke his guts out.
P: Really? How many?
S: Seventeen. Just don't ever ask to see number twelve.
K: We could send a man inside to defuse it if we were yay tall!
S: Well how close are we to shrink ray technology?
K: Seven hundred years.
J: Morris, you are a lemon!
M: I think you can get into some big trouble for grand theft zoo-kart.
S: Our car is not baby-ish...
K: It's strategically...adorable!
S: We'll race tonight at twelve o'clock.
J: Make it midnight!
K: Cool cars go faster. That's a scientific fact.
S: Regurgitated. Just like mama used to make!
J: Eyes one me. Both eyes Morris, your lazy eye too.
M: I don't have a lazy eye.
J: No, it's okay, look I have one too!
J: Something smells fishy.
M: Yeah, I don't know about these guys.
J: No, I mean they stink of actual fishy. Open a window!
J: First, obviously, we must get rid of that insane zookeeper, Alice.
S: Negatory! You'll just get more Alices in her place.
K: A lot more Alices.
S: Give us a number Kowalski.
K: Forty-two.
M: So you have a plan?
J: Better! I have confidence!
J: Finders, keepers!
S: Kowalski, legal analysis.
K: He's got you, Skipper. It's the Finders Keepers Treaty of 1859.
K: Thirty-four seconds until fish!
J: Excuse me. What in the name of me do you think you're doing?
K: Just a knock on the old monkey bus!
J: Everybody, new rule! One player on the ice at a time.
J: And that is why no one may touch the royal feet.
M: Ah, Sunday morning...
J: Sunday morning? Uh, uh, no! It is still Saturday night baby!
M: King Julien, you are truly inspiring.
J: Ugh, I know, it's from the dancing.
P: Skipper! Something's wrong with the sun!
S: He finally did it.
P: Who did what?
S: My mad dolphin nemesis, Doctor Blowhole. He blew up the sun!
M: Ridiculous, the king would never stoop so low.
J: Er, how low are we talking?
S: Gentlemen! If this had been an actual tennis ball machine uprising, we would have lost!
P: Sorry Skipper!
S: Don't be sorry, Private. Be alert!
K: Ah, Skipper, there's nothing to fear from a visit to the doctor.
P: Except his big short needle, and its slow burn of pain.
M: Give me banana!
J: Morris, do something!
M: Like give him a banana?
J: Don't be ridiculous.
M: Mort cuddle feet!
S: What you lemurs do with your feet is your own business Mort, but when you terrorize the whole zoo it becomes ours.
S: Kowalski, options!
K: Only one Skipper. Close your eyes so you don't see it coming.
M: I'm normal me again...and I like me!
M: It's gonna be perfect!
S: Too perfect. Can you be sure this new roommate isn't actually some sort of spy?
S: Remember boys. We may not be dealing with 115.38 otters at all. Might very well be one giant mutatant 1500 pound otter.
K: For the record, is this walrus spy mutated in any way?
R: Agent 12, calling Dr. Blowhole. I have a priority one coded alert. "Take me out to the ball game." Repeat. "Take me out to the ball game."
J: You did not tell me it is my birthday!
M: It's not your birthday.
J: Of course it is. Otherwise why would you have given me this ginormous present?
M: Yeah...we didn't get you a present.
...
J: Oh, I see. So you forgot my birthday!
S: Well, Ringtail, we are indeed working on a mocking-you scenario.
K: Operation "Mock Julien"!
S: But it's still in the lab. It's only at Mach 2. I'd like to get to Mach 8 before implementation.
J: I can teach you everything about being a lemur king. The bossing, the boasting, but mostly of all the boogying!
J: Of all the disappointments, this is the dissy-pointiest!
M: Maybe he's so good, you'll never ever see him again. Especially with the penguins.
J: No, Mort. I will never stop seeking my Lemmy. I will seek and seek...
M: Okay, but the penguins don't have him, all right?
J: Okay, that almost sounded suspicious to me.
S: And that is why you never send a lemur to do a penguin's job.
P: Keep the change.
D: It's all change!
P: You are correct.
J: Take note, Morris. Tonight, Chow mein is my main chow!
J: Take another note, Morris. Never am I eating Chow mein again.
P: Skipper, I hope you saved room for a fortune cookie.
S: Private, there's always room for a fortune cookie.
K: Fortunes are mere superstitions.
J: Yes, these "stitions" _are_ super!
J: A misfortune cookie. It is like a regular fortune cookie, except it is filled with hate, and bile, and sugar, and evil!
P: That doesn't sound good, except for the sugar part.
J: You need the sugar, or the bile would overwhelm the flavor.
J: Are you sure?
M: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
J: And I'm pretty not. Oh, wait. I'm pretty. Very, very pretty. So pretty!
K: This cart is incapable of self-locomotion!
S: So the cart was pushed.
K: Precisely!
P: Skipper, look! Lemur fur!
S: Lemur fur, with a lot of hair products. This can only mean one thing!
S: Don't play dumb with me, ringtail!
J: Who says I'm playing?
K: We can replace Rico's brain with a wombat's!
S: How would that help?
K: I don't know, but I gotta do something with this.
J: Finally, it's the trampling by a thousand rhinos! Er, slight glitch though. We only have one rhino, so you have to do it a thousand times!
S: One of these days you're gonna learn that there's only one universal language...force!
K: And math!
S: Hmm, right, force...and math.
M: Music, also.
S: Force, math, and music, are really the only...
P: Laughter?
S: [Slaps Private]
R: Is this gonna hurt?
K: Just a little pinch, followed by the brief sensation of a thousand suns exploding in your skull.
S: Exactly. It's 100% foolproof.
K: More accurately, it is 2.7 percent foolproof. There's a 97.3 percent chance that this will backfire and result in a horrific abomination that would be an affront to the most elemental laws of the nature and the universe.
S: I like those odds.
S: Does it even matter? He or you now has his or your home back. Mission accomplished!
J: What good is anything if it is not very expensive?
S: Sugar dreams, and mind reading powers? How many winkies did you eat?
S: What's your diagnosis Kowalski?
K: Accute imaginosis of the frighty bone. Worst case I've ever seen.
S: Is there any cure?
K: Well, the sugar should wear off in less than five minutes.
S: [Slaps him.] That's five too many. Give me results man.
J: You see, Maurice? Where are the fight-for-free penguin-types now?
S: Maniac, can't you see we share the same enemy?
J: Joey don't share!
M: ...real quick, a snow cone is...?
K: 70.2 percent shaved ice, 15.6 percent flavored syrup, 14.2 percent paper, of which 8.7 percent is recycled.
S: Marlene, there's no reason to fear the outside world...
K: Other than random street crime.
P: And natural disasters.
K: Industrial accidents.
P: Badger attacks.
S: Are you two finished?
K: Falling space debris...er, all finished.
J: Help! I'm being king-napped!
J: Marlene is in love with me...which makes perfect sense really, I _am_ a catch...
S: Well, boys, looks like they finally tracked me down. Those Danes really know how to hold a grudge.
M: Do you know what those maniacs do to stray cats? Do you?
R: [shakes his head] Uh-uh.
M: Me neither.
S: How many enemy agents are we talking about? Because if there's more than a baker's dozen, we may need the jumbo brass knuckles...and knuckles.
S: Just one human? That's not combat, it's a play date!
X: Penguins. Nature's rule breakers. Birds are supposed to fly, but no, you gotta swim instead. You think you're above the laws of nature, punks?
S: Kowalski, options!
K: Strategic retreat, Skipper?
S: Explain!
K: It's like running away, but manlier!
K: Once you get to the sewers, find an alligator named Roger and give him this secret code phrase: help me, oh please, please, please, help me, for the sweat love of mother mercy, please help me escape the animal control officer who's chasing me. He'll know what it means.
M: Anything you say. My nine lives are in your hands.
K: Try to conserve oxygen, by shutting down any unnecessary brain functions.
A: X? Is that the name your mommy gave you?
X: Mother never told me my real name. Said it was classified.
X: Now turn over the stray cat, or face the full powers of Metropolitan Sub-bureau of Animal Control and Pretzel Cart Regulation.
K: Apparently the Rhodesian Slasher has a painfully intense, very elaborate, courtship ritual. But the good news is, most fatalities don't occur until the fifth week.