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That Moment When You Forget Somebody's Dead

2023-02-20

Is there a name for that experience when you forget for a moment that somebody's dead?

For a year or so after my dad's death 11 years ago I'd routinely have that moment: when I'd go "I should tell my dad about this!", followed immediately by an "Oh... no, I can't, can I?". Then, of course, it got rarer. It happened in 2017, but I don't know if it happened again after that - maybe once? - until last week.

Dan, wearing a warm weatherproof black jacket and a purple "Woo" woolen hat, alongside a 9-year-old girl wrapped up in a faux-leapordskin hat and an iridescent coat, against a snowy hillside with rolling clouds.

I wonder if subconsciously I was aware that the anniversary of his death - "Dead Dad Day", as my sisters and I call it - was coming up? In any case, when I found myself on Cairn Gorm on a family trip and snapped a photo from near the summit, I had a moment where I thought "I should send this picture to my dad", before once again remembering that nope, that wasn't possible.

Seen from above, a man in his 50s wearing a large backpack uses mini ice axes to scramble up a steep hillside of powdered snow and rocks.

My dad loved a good Munro:

Photo showing my dad ice climbing up Aladdin's Mirror

Strange that this can still happen, over a decade on. If there's a name for the phenomenon, I'd love to know it.

Links

"Full Stop", my blog post about my dad's death

"Carry Fire", my blog post about momentarily forgetting my dad was dead, in 2017

"Dead Dad Day", my blog post about how my sisters and I mark the anniversary of our father's death