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Amtrak, oh Amtrak

Amtrak, oh Amtrak,
How slowly can you deliver me the American dream?
If I slid molasses along the tracks, do you think you'd be the winner?
How many of your problems can I safely blame on CSX?
And how many can I blame on your complete and utter complacency with mediocrity?

Amtrak, oh Amtrak,
How comfortable you are,
Far more comfortable than any highway-traversing whales
which emerge from the Port Authority,
Far more comfortable than the big white birds
which launch from the strips of LaGuardia,
Yet somehow your tardiness zaps any and all of the benefits.

Amtrak, oh Amtrak,
How countries far away have outdone you.
With their bullets they deliver people at mach .33,
Yet in the land of the free you transport me at speeds of slightly oozing brie.

Why do I choose you, even though you never fail to fail me?
Amtrak, oh you, Amtrak.

Written on Aug 21, 2016 on an Amtrak train from Syracuse, NY to NYC.