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Lull

I originally made an account at gemlog.blue because I planned on using it to write posts when I was "AFK," or, unable to sit down at my computer. I anticipated publishing posts using my phone while riding public transit or while my son napped on my belly in his harness/carrier thingamajiggy.

The thing is, I haven't ridden public transit hardly at all this entire year, and when I am unable to be at my computer I am also unable to really use my phone for anything either. Around the time I started this account, my son was really sick, and I was spending a lot of time putting him back to sleep. He would wake up constantly, but laying with him would help keep him comfortable long enough that I could get a little rest myself. I think it was around that time that I first discovered Gemini, so I was eager to explore it and publish some posts of my own. Laying with him at night was the only time I really had to do anything on my own, which made the accessibility of gemlog.blue very appealing.

Nowadays when I put my son to bed I just lay with him silently in the dark. A lot of times I am too tired to even casually browse anything on my phone or check emails. Other days I just want to hold and admire him. He is a very sweet kid, but now he is walking, and since he doesn't quite talk yet he has resorted to shouting (I mean REALLY shouting!). It makes the days...full, you could say. But as exhausting as they are, I look forward to just laying with him in peace at night. Before too long he will be too big for me to lull to sleep on my belly. And as hard as this phase is, it also comes with so many other cute and beautiful things that make it fulfilling. I like to lay with him and think about that.

Anyway, the way life is for me now, AFK means away from everything outside of our family's little world. I wonder if I need to repurpose this capsule, then. Maybe I'll write about parenting here. My first two posts are somewhat surreal prose poems written when I was severely sleep deprived during my son's laryngitis episode. So, in a sense, I've already got some momentum to help me out of this lull here~