💾 Archived View for jsreed5.org › log › 2023 › 202308 › 20230816-social-adulthood.gmi captured on 2023-09-08 at 16:07:51. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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When I was a senior in high school, I was afraid of the prospect of my childhood ending and that I'd have to go out into the real world. I struggled with self-confidence for much of my life, and I doubted that I'd be able to succeed in anything I tried. I was also afraid of leaving the comfort and familiarity of home. When it came time to choose a university to attend, I gave up on my first choice because I was intimidated by how far I'd be from my family and friends.
That trend continued in college. I didn't apply myself very hard, partially because I was lazy and partially because I feared I wouldn't do well even if I tried. I ended up graduating with a GPA lower than 3, and with no hope of continuing into graduate school--a goal I'd adopted by default because I was scared of entering the business world.
I worked part-time jobs while I was a student. Once I graduated from university and needed a full-time job, I sent out some applications, but when all of them were greeted with silence, I began to feel even more defeated.
To deal with these fears, I turned to the comforts of adolescence: video games, TV and anime, collecting toys, and dating around with the commitment level of a middle school weekend crush. Most of my friends dealt with the burdens of their lives the same way, so we connected quite easily--and ironically, our comradery created an outlet for dealing with stress that wasn't solely based on cheap gratification.
That didn't continue forever for me. Fate eventually intervened, and one day I met my future wife. I felt something for her that I'd never felt in any relationship before: a innate desire to work hard, make tough choices, and give myself entirely to the goal of building a life with her. I soon left my part-time job and found a salaried position in IT. I left my parents' basement and moved into an apartment with her, then a house. We cut our spending on frivolous things and saved money together for our dream home, vacations together, and more reliable transportation.
My wife and I began dating seven years ago. Those seven years have changed me profoundly. I used to avoid house chores at all costs; now I still don't particularly like them, but I do them of my own accord to maintain the house I share with her. I used to spend money recklessly and live from paycheck to paycheck; now I carefully budget and give up on many purchases I'd otherwise like to make so that we manage our finances responsibly. I used to find any excuse not to work; now I still don't enjoy it that much, but I apply myself to whatever extent I need to in order to earn a living wage for the both of us.
Not all of my friends have followed a similar journey. In fact, most of them live their lives the same way now that they did a decade ago. Most of them still only want to play video games, or collect toys, or avoid house chores and projects. I understand that mental health is a real issue and that many people need help to be able to let surface-level gratifications go, but I feel like I'm closer to reaching that point than most of my friends are.
We have a few friends who are married, but only one couple is in a similar position in life to us. They are a similar age, they also own a house, and they're also navigating the issues of working partners trying to figure out what they want from their lives. Out of all the friends and confidants my wife and I have, this couple is fast becoming the closest, because they understand our positions in life best.
As I grow up, I want more and more to live as a grown-up. Childish things, while they still bring comfort and joy, are becoming less important to me with each passing year. I wish I knew more people who feel the same way.
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[Last updated: 2023-08-16]