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On Wednesday night, my children and I were out shopping for Halloween. The excursion went on longer than we anticipated. The clock struck 6:00 and we were still on the hunt with no costumes (or dinner) in sight.
I proposed a post-shopping, late-evening dinner at the Panera bakery-cafe, which my kids enthusiastically accepted. I urged my threesome of ten-and-unders to be extra careful to stay composed, even though I was sure their hunger would induce irritation. They promised to speak from the heart, not from the belly, and in the end we all came through on our promises.
Hunger is not easy to manage for children. When my five-year-old realizes his belly is empty, typically around 4:30pm, he cries (with real tears and the occasional flailing arms and legs), "I'm hungry, Mamma!"
He stresses out because he thinks hunger is bad. He’s scared.
For the past several months, instead of insisting that my son be more patient, instead of offering him a crudite platter or repeatedly assuring him that dinner will be on the table in one short hour, I say to him, "Buddy, it’s okay to be hungry." And miraculously, he stops crying. When I reassure him that hunger is a normal feeling we all experience and that no harm will come to him, he visibly relaxes.
It is okay to be hungry. Hunger teaches us emotional patience on a physical level. Hunger is also an opportunity to monitor our behavior mindfully, to purposely filter thoughts, words, and actions through the authentic self, not the discomfort.
Simply said, hungry people are typically cranky. So when we are feeling hungry, we can tune into ourselves emotionally and notice a short fuse or heated temper, knowing that it’s not us talking, it’s the hunger.
Tuning into our children’s emotional state of being with our full presence can help us to minimize the angst that is woven into parenting. Using that presence of mind to unearth potential disaster allows us the opportunity to lay out clear expectations for our children and smooth the path ahead.
By mindfully managing short-term scenarios, like hungry meltdowns, we set ourselves up in the long-term as a trusted source for composure.
Our kids model their behavior after our behavior, and if we can help guide them through those everyday challenges with balance and calm, they will trust us to support them through the bigger rumblings that are sure to come, and in turn build the necessary skills to heal themselves.
Original article on Everyday Mindfulness (HTTPS)
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