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Yeah I've experienced that stuck feeling before. Maybe for a different reason but definitely similar symptoms. I always stopped myself from pursuing anything because I always believed the movies where someone found their true calling, and this just never happened for me. I ended up realizing though that I don't have to follow the path set up for me, or follow my instincts either, r that I can choose to become whatever I think is interesting and want to become part of me, and I don't gotta box myself into one thing.
Do you find yourself in a similar position as me or is it different?
~theo
I'll give a little context; I am in school for software engineering at a school that's meant to teach you how to be a good employee essentially (more so than others, I guess - Western Governors University is the name if you want to check it out). I, however, do not want to do this because I do not want to spend my life building software that actively harms people or is useless proprietary/corporate stuff. I'm sure there are startups out there that *don't* do these things but as I'm sure you can guess (as I reside on the smallweb almost entirely), I am not a startup kind of guy.
Many of my friends have expressed similar sentiments, saying that they'd love to own a coffee shop/run a small farm/etc. They all plan on doing this when they're done with all the "real work," but I can't imagine spending a very large portion of my life wasting away and running parallel to the simple lifestyle I want.
To be clear, I know I can't single-handedly do everything or change the world or whatever; I just want to be happy and make my footprint as little as possible. It seems as if to do this, I have to be very sad and work a job I hate, and then at the end of that in 50 years I'll be able to do whatever I want.
To me, it seems not worth it at all to do this. Maybe I'll start a nonprofit, I'll seek out open source work, or maybe I'll find a place that doesn't suck...
Until then.