💾 Archived View for rawtext.club › ~winter › gemlog › 2023 › 6-06.gmi captured on 2023-07-10 at 14:20:05. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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Finished the first section in my Irish course on Duolingo. I'm still woeful, but I can read a bit of Irish. To a lesser extent, understand it when spoken. I'm a long ways from being able to read stuff outside the application, but, I'm getting there? It feels like progress, and it feels good to make progress on something which, if I'm being honest, is kind of a useless goal. Would it be better for my career to grind the rust off my French? Absolutely. Am I doing something else instead? Absolutely. I can talk about owls and beer (ulchabhan agus beoir). Say "I like Irish" (Is maith leom an Gaeilge). Important things.
As I've gotten older I've seen the ways in which we fall into the expected, the way our days become loops, and then a shackle, then a ligature. Job, kids, hockey practice, that sort of thing. I've tried to tilt against that: the job is kind of a requirement, but we never had kids, and that was a conscious choice for us. I have a lot of interests and pursue them with an energy that wavers between intermittent and aggressive. There are only so many hours in the day, and I can't do everything daily. I'm happy if I do some things. If I can be a little better at something. Add to something.
When I was in my 20s and 30s, there was a part of me that burned for recognition. Then I realized that was a loser's game. That some people are naturally gifted, have a knack for it: they get good early, win recognition, and use that to feed forward into their next success, and the one after that. For the rest of us, we don't get that. Our work has cracks we'll then spend years patching, repairing, fixing.
That realization changed a lot of things for me, and it helped reset my expectations. I work at things regularly. In all my pursuits I'm never in that circle of adulation and praise, and that's fine. But, and I'm saying this from experience: barring any health issues, I'll outlast a lot of people. I'll put in the work. I'm careful to avoid burnout.
All this to say: I'm making small progress learning Irish. I'm writing. I'm playing my music. Enjoying the process more than the results. Trying even to not think of results. When I've got that hour to just sit down and work on my poems, or practice, or code. Am I good? Wrong question. Am I enjoying it. And do I care. Yes, but not in the way I thought I needed to. And that's been a welcome change to come to.