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SCIENCE-FICTION DOUBLE-FEATURE
LIPS: Michael Rennie was ill the Day the Earth Stood Still,
But he told us where we stand.
And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear;
Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.
Then something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong;
They got caught in a celluloid jam.
Then at a deadly pace It Came from Outer Space,
And this is how the message ran:
(REFRAIN)
Science-fiction double-feature,
Doctor X will build a creature.
See androids fighting Brad and Janet.
Anne Francis stars in 'Forbidden Planet'.
Oh oh oh oh oh
At the late-night, double-feature picture show.
I knew Leo G. Carroll was over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills.
And I really got hot when I saw Jeanette Scott
Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.
Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes,
And passing them used lots of skills.
But When Worlds Collide said George Pal to his bride,
"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills."
Like a...
(REFRAIN)
I wanna go, oh oh oh
To the late-night, double-feature picture show
By RKO, oh oh oh
To the late-night, double-feature picture show
In the back row, oh oh oh
To the late-night, double-feature picture show.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Here they come! (Dentonians cheer and throw rice)
Now I'd like the parents and the grandparents... yes,
all the close family... smile! Hold that! Beautiful!
And... (snaps picture) got it!
RALPH: Well, I guess we really did it, huh?
BRAD: I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and
Betty have been almost inseparable since you met in
Dr. Scott's refresher course.
RALPH: Well, to tell you the truth, Brad, that was the only
reason I showed up in the first place. (chuckles)
I mean...
BETTY: Okay, you guys, this is it! You ready? (Everyone screams)
RALPH: Well, looks like Betty's going to throw the bouquet.
JANET(catching bouquet): I got it! I got it!
RALPH: Hey big fella, looks like it could be your turn next,
eh?
BRAD: Who knows?
RALPH: Well, so long, see you Brad. Guess we'd better get
going now Betty. Come on, hop in! See you Brad!
(they drive away)
JANET: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Betty look
radiantly beautiful? Oh, I can't believe it. An hour
ago she was plain old Betty Monroe, and now... now
she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt. (sighs)
BRAD: Yes, Janet, Ralph's a lucky guy.
JANET: Yes.
DENTONIAN: I always cry at weddings.
BRAD: Everyone knows that Betty's a wonderful little cook.
JANET: Yes.
BRAD: Why Ralph himself, he'll be in line for a promotion
in a year or two.
JANET: Yes.
DAMMIT JANET
BRAD: Hey Janet...
JANET: Yes, Brad?
BRAD: I've got something to say.
JANET: Uh huh?
BRAD: I really love the... skillful way... you beat the other girls...
to the bride's bouquet.
JANET: Oh, oh Brad!
BRAD: The river was deep but I swam it; (Janet)
The future is ours so let's plan it; (Janet)
So please don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet, I love you.
The road was long but I ran it; (Janet)
There's a fire in my heart and you fan it; (Janet)
If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet, I love you.
Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker.
There's three ways that love can grow.
That's good, bad or mediocre.
Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so!
JANET: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had! (Oh, Brad)
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh, Brad)
That you've met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh, Brad)
I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad for you, too.
Oh Brad...
BRAD: Oh, dammit...
JANET: I'm mad...
BRAD: Oh, Janet...
JANET: For you...
BRAD: I love you too...
BRAD & JANET: There's one thing left to do ah ooo!
BRAD: And that's go see the man who began it!(Janet)
When we met in his science exam, it (Janet)
Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)
Now I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet, I love you.
Dammit, Janet...
JANET: Oh, Brad, I'm mad!
BRAD: Dammit, Janet...
BRAD & JANET: I love you!
NARRATOR: I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange
journey. It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad
Majors and his fiancee, Janet Weiss, two young, ordinary,
healthy kids, left Denton that late November evening to visit a
Dr. Everett Scott, ex-tutor, now friend to both. It's
true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black and pendulous,
towards which they were driving. It's true also
that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in
need of some air. But they being normal kids on a
night out... Well, they were not going to let a storm
spoil the events of the evening. On a night
out... it was a night out they were going to remember
for a very long time.
NIXON (on the radio): I have never been a quitter. To leave
office before my term is completed is opposed to every
instinct in my body. But as president I must put the
interests of America first. America needs a full-time
president... and a full-time congress... particularly
at this time with the problems we face...
JANET: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us.
They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with
the weather and all.
BRAD: Yes, Janet, life's pretty cheap to that type.
JANET: What's the matter, Brad darling?
BRAD: Hmmm... We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles
back.
JANET: But then where did that motorcyclist come from?
BRAD: Hmmm... well, I guess we'll just have to turn back.
(Tire blows out)
JANET: Oh! What was that bang?
BRAD: We must have a blowout. Dammit! I knew I should
have gotten that spare tire fixed. Well, you just
stay here and keep warm and I'll go for help.
JANET: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?
BRAD: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?
Maybe they have a telephone I could use.
JANET: I'm going with you.
BRAD: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us
getting wet.
JANET: I'm coming with you! Besides, darling, the owner
of that phone might be a beautiful woman, and you
might never come back again.
BRAD: Heh heh heh heh...
OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE
JANET: In the velvet darkness of the blackest night,
Burning bright, there's a guiding star,
No matter what or who you are.
BRAD & JANET: There's a light...
CHORUS: Over at the Frankenstein place.
BRAD & JANET: There's a light...
CHORUS: Burning in the fireplace...
BRAD & JANET: There's a light, light in the darkness of
everybody's life.
RIFF RAFF: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming,
flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
into my life, into my life.
BRAD & JANET: There's a light...
CHORUS: Over at the Frankenstein place.
BRAD & JANET: There's a light...
CHORUS: Burning in the fireplace.
There's a light, a light...
BRAD & JANET: In the darkness of everybody's life.
NARRATOR: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet,
and that they had found the assistance that their plight required...
or had they?
JANET: Brad, let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened...
BRAD: Just a moment, Janet, they may have a phone.
(Rings doorbell; door creaks open)
RIFF RAFF: Hello.
BRAD: Hi! My name's Brad Majors... and this is my fiancee, Janet
Weiss. I wonder if you might help us. You see, our car
broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we
might use?
RIFF RAFF: You're wet.
JANET: Yes... it's raining.
BRAD: Yes.
RIFF RAFF: Yes... (flash of lightning reveals cycles) I think perhaps
you better both... come inside.
JANET: You're too kind. (they all enter) Oh, Brad, I'm frightened!
What kind of a place is this?
BRAD: It's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.
JANET: Oh.
RIFF: This way.
JANET: Are you having a party?
RIFF: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the
Master's affairs.
JANET: Oh... lucky him.
MAGENTA(sliding down the bannister): You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm
lucky, we're all lucky! HA HA HA HA HA!
(clock sounds seven times)
THE TIME WARP
RIFF: It's astounding; time is fleeting.
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely...
MAGENTA: Not for very much longer...
RIFF: I've got to keep control...
I remember doing the Time Warp.
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me...
RIFF & MAGENTA: And a void would be calling...
(REFRAIN)
ALL : Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's do the Time Warp again!
NARRATOR: It's just a jump to the left...
ALL : And then a step to right.
NARRATOR: With your hands on your hips...
ALL : You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's do the Time Warp again!
MAGENTA: It's so dreamy... oh, fantasy free me!
So you can't see me... no, not at all!
In another dimension with voyeuristic intention,
Well secluded, I see all!
RIFF: With a bit of a mind flip...
MAGENTA: You're into the time-slip!
RIFF: And nothing can ever be the same.
MAGENTA: You're spaced out on sensation...
RIFF: Like you're under sedation!
ALL : Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's do the Time Warp again!
COLUMBIA: Well, I was walking down the street just havin' a think,
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took by surprise,
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change;
Time meant nothin', never would again!
(REFRAIN)
(Columbia tap dances)
(REFRAIN- Everyone collapses at the end)
JANET: Brad, say something!
BRAD: Say... do any of you guys know how to Madison?
JANET: Brad, please, let's get out of here.
BRAD: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself, Janet.
JANET: But it... it seems so unhealthy here.
BRAD: It's just a party, Janet.
JANET: Well, I want to go.
BRAD: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
JANET: Well then ask the butler or someone!
BRAD: Just a moment, Janet... we don't want to interfere with their
celebration.
JANET: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.
BRAD: They're probably foreigners with ways different from our own.
They may do some more... folk dancing.
JANET: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!
BRAD: I'm here- there's nothing to worry about. (they both turn around
and see Frank N. Furter)
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FRANK: How'd you do I see you've met my faithful handyman.
He's just a little brought down because when you knocked,
He thought you were the candyman.
Don't get strung out by the way I look;
Don't judge a book by its cover.
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover!
I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!
Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound;
You look like you are both pretty groovy.
Or if you want something visual , that's not too abysmal,
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
BRAD: I'm glad we caught you at home.
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
JANET: Right.
BRAD: We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car.
We don't want to be any worry.
FRANK: Well, you got caught with a flat...
Well... how 'bout that?
Well, babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night, it'll all seem alright,
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania.
Why don't you stay for the night?
RIFF, COLUMBIA & MAGENTA: Night!
FRANK: Or maybe a bite?
RIFF, COLUMBIA & MAGENTA: Bite!
FRANK: I could show you my favorite obsession.
I've been makin' a man with blond hair and a tan,
And he's good for relievin' my tension.
I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!
HIT IT! HIT IT!
I'm just a sweet transvestite...
RIFF, COLUMBIA & MAGENTA: Sweet transvestite!
FRANK: ...from Transsexual...
RIFF, COLUMBIA & MAGENTA: Transylvania!
FRANK: So come up to the lab and see what's on the slab.
I see you shiver with antici---pation.
But maybe the rain is really to blame.
So I'll remove the cause... but not the symptom!
(Janet and Brad are given towels)
JANET: Thank you.
BRAD: Thank you very much.
JANET: Oh! Brad!
BRAD: It's alright Janet. We'll play along for now and pull out
the aces when the time's right.
COLUMBIA: Slowly, slowly, it's too nice a job to rush!
BRAD: Hi! My name's Brad Majors... this is my fiancee Janet Weiss.
You are, uh...
COLUMBIA: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.
Some people would give their right arm for the priveledge.
BRAD: People like you maybe?
COLUMBIA: Ha! I've seen it! (throws the clothes; Brad and Janet try
to pick them up)
MAGENTA: Come along... the Master doesn't like to be kept waiting.
(brings them to elevator) Shift it! (Riff drops wine bottle)
JANET: Is he... Frank, I mean... Is he your husband?
RIFF: The Master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be.
We are simply his... servants.
JANET: Oh.
(Janet, then Brad leave the elevator; Riff brings wine glass to Frank;
Magenta and Columbia stand behind Brad and Janet)
FRANK: Magenta! Columbia! Go and assist Riff Raff. I will entertain...
Uh...um...uh (chuckles)
BRAD: Brad Majors. And this is my fiancee, Janet Veiss.
JANET: Weiss!
BRAD: Weiss? (clears throat)
FRANK(kissing Janet's hand): Enchante! Well... how nice! And what
charming underclothes you both have. But here... put these on.
They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we
receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.
BRAD: Hospitality?!? All we wanted to do was to use your telephone,
goddammit, a reasonable request, which you've chosen to ignore!
JANET: Brad, don't be ungrateful!
BRAD: Ungrateful? (removes his glasses)
FRANK: How forceful you are Brad... such a perfect specimen of manhood...
so... dominant. (crowd laughs) You must be awfully proud of him,
Janet.
JANET: Well, yes, I am!
FRANK: Do you have any tattoos, Brad?
BRAD: Certainly not.
FRANK: Oh, well... how 'bout you?
(Janet giggles)
RIFF: Everything is in readiness, Master. We merely await your word.
FRANK: Tonight, my unconventional conventionalists, you are to witness
a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise is
to be mine! It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you
get a break... all the pieces seem to fit into place... not a
sign of being... what a fool! The answer was there all the time...
it took a small accident to make it happen... an ACCIDENT!
And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient,
that SPARK that is the breath of life. Yes... I have that knowledge...
I hold the secret... to life... itself! (Applause) You see,
you are fortunate... for tonight is the night... that my beautiful
creature is destined to be BORN! (Magenta and Columbia take hold
of the cloth) UP NOW! Throw open the switches on the sonic
oscillator... and step up the reactor power input... THREE MORE
POINTS! (Apparatus is lowered by Riff;)
JANET: Oh, Brad!
BRAD: It's alright, Janet.
(Frank pours in liquids in order red, orange, yellow, green,
blue, indigo and violet; Rocky stands up; face covering is
is removed by Riff) Oh, Rocky!
THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cuttin' the thread.
Oh, woe is me; my life is a misery, oh, can't you see
That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.
ALL : That ain't no crime!
ROCKY: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.
ALL : That ain't no crime!
ROCKY: My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to go,
And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
FRANK: Oh, Rocky!
(REFRAIN)
ALL : Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime!
ROCKY: Oh no, no, no!
ALL : Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime!
ROCKY: Oh no, no, no!
ALL: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, ain't no crime!
ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
FRANK: Well, really!
ALL : That ain't no crime!
ROCKY: And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread.
ALL : That ain't no crime!
ROCKY: Oh, woe is me; my life is a mystery, and can't you see
That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer!
(Repeat REFRAIN two times)
FRANK: Well, really! That's no way to behave on your first day out!
(Rocky is saddened) But, since you're such an exceptional
beauty, I am prepared to forgive you. Oh, I just love success!
RIFF: He's a credit to your genius, Master.
FRANK: Yes!
MAGENTA: A triumph of your will!
FRANK: Yes!
COLUMBIA: He's okay!
FRANK: Okay? (hits tank) OKAY?!? I think we can do better than that!
Humph! Well, Brad and Janet... what do you think of him?
JANET: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.
FRANK: I didn't make him... FOR YOU! He carries the Charles Atlas seal
of approval!
CHARLES ATLAS SONG
FRANK: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground.
And soon in the gym with a determined chin,
The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause
Will make him glisten and gleam,
And with massage and just a little bit steam,
He'll be pink and quite clean!
He'll be a strong man, oh, honey...
ALL : But the wrong man!
FRANK: He'll eat nutritious high protein and swallow raw eggs;
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms and legs
Such an effort, if he only knew of my plan...
In just seven days, I can make you a (with Transylvanians) man.
He'll do press-ups and sit-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
Such strenuous living I just don't understand
When in just seven days, oh baby, I can make you a man.
(Door to deep freeze opens)
COLUMBIA: EDDIE!
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT?
EDDIE: Whatever happened to Saturday night,
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
It don't seem the same since cosmic light came into my life;
I thought I was divine.
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go
And listen to the music on the radio
A saxophone was blowin' on a rock-n-roll show;
You climbed in the back seat, really had a good time!
(REFRAIN)
Hot patootie, bless my soul, really love that rock-n-roll!
(four times)
My head it used to swim from the perfume I smelled.
My hands kinda fumbled with her white plastic belt.
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt.
She'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.
Get back in front, put some hair oil on,
Buddy Holly was singin' his very last song;
With your arms around your girl you try to sing along.
It felt pretty good- WOO! -really had a good time!
(Repeat REFRAIN three times)
(Frank attacks Eddie with alpinist's pick)
FRANK: One from the vaults! (Rocky bangs on his cage) Oh, baby!
Don't be upset; it was a mercy killing! He had a certain
naive charm... but no muscle! (Rocky shows his) Oh!
CHARLES ATLAS SONG (REPRISE)
FRANK: But a deltoid and a bicep, a hot groin and a tricep
makes me, oooooooh, shake,
makes me wanna take Charles Atlas by the ha-a-and.
FRANK & TRANS.: In just seven days (FRANK: Oh, baby!), I can make you a man!
FRANK: I don't want no dissension, just dynamic tension!
JANET: I'm a muscle fan!
FRANK: In just seven days, I can make you a man,
Dig it if you can!
In just seven days, I can make you a man!
TRANS.: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! (repeat)
NARRATOR: There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that
reality is but a figment of the imagination. If this is so,
then Brad and Janet are quite safe. However, the sudden departure
of their host and his... creation into the seclusion of his
somber bridal suite, had left them feeling both apprehensive and
uneasy, a feeling which grew as the other guests departed, and
they were shown to their separate rooms.
(Janet is shown to a pink room; Magenta and Riff watch;
Brad is shown to blue room)
(knock on door)
JANET: Uhh! Who is it? Who's there?
"BRAD": It's only me, Janet.
JANET: Oh, Brad darling, come in! Oh! Brad! Oh, yes, my darling,
but what if...
"BRAD": It's alright, Janet; everything's going to be alright.
JANET: Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh...ah... (removes Frank's
wig) OHHH! It's you!
FRANK: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice?
JANET: Oh, you beast, you monster! Oh, what have you done with Brad?
FRANK: Oh, well... nothing. Why do you think I should?
JANET: You tricked me... I wouldn't have... I've never... never...
FRANK: Yes, yes, I know... but it isn't all bad is it? I think you
really found it quite pleasureable.
JANET: Oh, stop... I mean, help... oh, Brad... oh BRAD!
FRANK: Shhh! Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see
you... like THIS?
JANET: Like this? Like how? It's your fault... you're to blame...
Oh... I was saving myself.
FRANK: Well... I'm sure you're not spent yet.
JANET: Promise you won't tell Brad?
FRANK: Cross my heart and hope to die!
(Riff scares Rocky, who runs away)
"JANET": Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us!
BRAD: Don't worry, Janet. We'll be away from here in the morning.
"JANET": Oh, Brad, you're so strong and protective.
BRAD: Ah, ah, ah, ah... YOU!
FRANK: I'm afraid so, Brad... but isn't it nice?
BRAD: Why you... What have you done with Janet?
FRANK: Nothing... why, do you think I should?
BRAD: You tricked me, I wouldn't have... I've never never... never...
FRANK: Oh, yes... yes, I know... but it isn't all bad, is it? Not
even half bad. I think you really quite enjoyed it. Oh... so soft...
BRAD: Stop... Stop... oh, Janet... JANET!
FRANK: Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now... do you want her to see
you... like THIS?
BRAD: Like this? Like how? It's your fault; you're to blame. I
thought it was the real thing!
FRANK: Oh, come on, Brad, admit it; you liked it, didn't you?
There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure, Brad.
We've wasted so much time already... Janet needn't know.
I won't tell her.
BRAD: Well, you promise you won't tell...
FRANK: On my mother's grallllbbb....
(BEEPBEEPBEEP...)
RIFF(On monitor): Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished.
The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the castle grounds.
Magenta has just released the dogs.
FRANK: Hmmm? Coming!
JANET: What's happening here? Where's Brad? Where's anybody?
(Rocky is chased by dogs)
JANET: Oh, Brad! Brad, my darling! How could I have done this to you?
If only we hadn't made this journey... if only the car hadn't
broken down... if only we were amongst friends! Or sane persons.
Oh, Brad... What have they done with him? Oh, Brad... Oh, Brad...
How could you?
(A groan is heard)
JANET: Oh, but you're hurt. Did they do this to you? (Rocky nods,
Janet rips her slip) Here, I'll dress your wounds... baby there...
NARRATOR: "Emotion: agitation or disturbance of mind... Vehement
or excited mental state." It is also a powerful and irrational
master... and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on
their television monitor, there seemed little doubt that Janet
was indeed... its slave.
MAGENTA & COLUMBIA: Tell us about it, Janet!
TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME
JANET: I was feeling done in, couldn't win,
I'd only ever kissed before.
COLUMBIA: You mean she...
MAGENTA: Uh huh.
JANET: I thought there's no use getting into heaving petting;
It only leads to trouble and... seat wetting.
Now all I want to know is how to go.
I've tasted blood and I want more.
MAGENTA & COLUMBIA: More, more, more!
JANET: I'll put up no resistance; I want to stay the distance.
I've got an itch to scratch; I need assistance.
(REFRAIN)
Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me
I want to be dirty!
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me,
Creature of the night!
JANET: Then if anything grows while you pose,
I'll oil you up and drop you down.
MAGENTA & COLUMBIA: Down, down, down!
JANET: And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction;
You need a friendly hand, oh, and I need action!
(Janet sings refrain, then Columbia and Magenta sing it alternating
lines, and Janet sings it again)
ROCKY: Creature of the night.
BRAD: Creature of the night?
FRANK: Creature of the night.
MAGENTA: Creature of the night.
RIFF: Creature of the night.
COLUMBIA: Creature of the night.
ROCKY: Creature of the night.
JANET: Creature of the night!
RIFF(Being whipped): Mercy!
FRANK: How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching!
RIFF: I was only away for a minute... Master.
FRANK: Well, see if you can find him... on the monitor!
RIFF: Master... Master... we have a visitor.
BRAD: Hey, Scotty! Dr. Everett Scott!
RIFF: You know this Earthling... this person?
BRAD: I most certainly do! He happens to be an old friend of mine.
FRANK: I see! So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came
here... with a purpose!
BRAD: I told you my car broke down... I was telling the truth.
FRANK: I know what you told me, Brad... but this Dr. Everett Scott...
his name is not unknown to me.
BRAD: He was a science teacher at Denton High School.
FRANK: And now he works for your government, doesn't he Brad? He's
attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call
UFO's! Isn't that right, Brad?
BRAD: He might be... (Frank threatens him with whip) I don't know!
RIFF: The intruder is entering the building, Master.
FRANK: He'll probably be in... in the Zen room! Shall we inquire of
him in person? (turns on the triple-contact electro-magnet)
BRAD: Great Scott!
DR. SCOTT: Frank N. Furter... we meet at last.
BRAD: Dr. Scott!
SCOTT: Brad... what are you doing here?
FRANK: Don't play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what
Brad Majors is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it
not? That he and his female should check the layout for you.
Well, unfortunately for you all, the plans are to be
changed. I have been adaptable, Dr. Scott... I know Brad is.
SCOTT: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a
complete surprise to me. I came here to find Eddie.
BRAD: Eddie? I've seen him.
FRANK: Eddie? What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?
SCOTT: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You
see, Eddie happens to be my nephew!
(Frank gasps and turns off the magnet)
JANET: OHHH!
BRAD: Dr. Scott...
(Repeat the following up to 'FRANK: Rocky!' three times)
SCOTT: Janet!
JANET: Dr. Scott!
BRAD: Janet!
JANET: Brad!
FRANK: Rocky!
FRANK: Listen... I made you... and I can break you just as easily!
MAGENTA(sounds gong): Master! Dinner is prepared!
FRANK: Excellent! Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.
NARRATOR: Food has always played a vital role in life's rituals. The
breaking of bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now...
this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure
that there was to be very little bonhommie.
(Dinner is brought in by Riff and Magenta; Frank slices it with
an electric knife)
FRANK: A toast... to absent friends...
ALL : To absent friends.
FRANK: ...and... Rocky! (Frank starts everyone singing 'Happy Birthday',
stops after 'Dear Rocky', and cuts everyone else off) Shall we?
SCOTT: We came here to discuss Eddie.
COLUMBIA: EDDIE! (Frank threatens her with electric knife)
FRANK: That's a rather tender subject... another slice, anyone?
COLUMBIA: Excuse me. (leaves room and screams)
SCOTT: I knew he was with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I
imagined... Aliens!
ROCKY: Uhnn?
BRAD & JANET: Dr. Scott!
FRANK: Go on, Dr. Scott... or should I say... Dr. Von Scott?
BRAD: Just what exactly are you implying?
SCOTT: It's all right!
BRAD: But Dr. Scott!
SCOTT: That's all right, Brad.
EDDIE
SCOTT: From the day he was born, he was trouble.
He was the thorn in his mother's side.
She tried in vain...
NARRATOR: But he never caused her nothing but shame.
SCOTT: He left home the day she died.
From the day she was gone, all he wanted
Was rock-n-roll porn und a motor bike
Shooting up junk...
NARRATOR: He was a lowdown, cheap little punk!
SCOTT: Taking everyone for the ride.
(REFRAIN)
ALL : When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy,
You knew he was a no good kid.
But when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife...
FRANK: What a guy!
JANET: Makes you cry...
SCOTT: Und I did.
COLUMBIA: Everybody shoved him; I very nearly loved him.
I said, 'Hey, listen to me; stay sane inside insanity!'
But he locked the door and threw away the key.
SCOTT: But he must have been drawn into something,
Making him warn me in a note which reads:
EDDIE: I'm out of my hed, oh, hurry, or I may be dead;
They musn't carry out their evil deeds!
(Repeat refrain twice)
(Franks rips off tablecloth, revealing Eddie's body; Janet
screams and runs into Rocky's arms)
FRANK: Oh, Rocky! How... can you? (slaps Janet, chases her out of
the room; Scott and Brad follow)
SCOTT: This way! This way! (Riff and Magenta laugh)
RIFF: Shut up!
PLANET, SCHMANET, JANET!
FRANK: I'll tell you once, I won't tell you twice.
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss.
Your apple pie don't taste too nice!
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss!
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need.
You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.
When we made it did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block? Well, take my advice:
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss!
The transducer will seduce ya!
(SPOKEN)
JANET: My feet... I can't move my feet!
SCOTT: My wheels... my God, I can't move my wheels!
BRAD: It's as if we're glued to the spot!
FRANK: You are! So quake with fear you tiny fools!
JANET: We're trapped!
FRANK(sung): It's something you'll get used to! A mental mind fuck
can be nice!
SCOTT: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.
This sonic transducer, it is, I suppose some kind of audio-
vibratri-physio-molecular transport device?
BRAD: You mean...
SCOTT: Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on
for quite some time. But it seems our friend here has found a
means of perfecting it. A device which is capable of breaking
down solid matter and then projecting it through space, and,
who knows? perhaps even time itself!
JANET: You mean... he's going to send us to another planet?
(SUNG)
FRANK: Planet, schmanet, Janet!
You'd better wise, Janet Weiss!
You'd better wise up, build your thighs up.
You'd better wise up...
NARRATOR: And then she cried out...
JANET: STOP!
FRANK: Don't get hot and flustered; use a bit of mustard!
BRAD: You're a hot dog, but you'd better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.
(Brad is frozen)
SCOTT: You're a hot dog, but you'd better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.
(Scott is frozen)
JANET: You're a hot dog-- (Janet is frozen)
COLUMBIA: My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn
me for Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for
Rocky! You chew people up and then you spit them out again! I
loved you... ya hear me, I loved you! And what did it get me?
Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge,
you take, take, take and drain others of their love and emotion.
Yeah, well, I've had enough! You're gonna choose between me and
Rocky, so named cause of the rocks in his head! (Columbia is frozen)
FRANK: It's not easy having a good time... (Rocky is frozen) Even
smiling makes my face ache... and my children turn on me...
Rocky's behaving just the way that Eddie did... Do you think I made
a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?
MAGENTA: AHHHHH! I grow weary of this world! When shall we return to
Transylvania, huh?
FRANK: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother
Riff Raff. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as
yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when
the mood takes me, I can be quite generous.
MAGENTA: I ask for nothing... Master.
FRANK: And you shall receive it... in abundance! Come! We are
ready for the floorshow!
NARRATOR: And so, by some extraordinary coincidence, fate, it seemed,
had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment
with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a
situation which none of them could have possibly foreseen. And,
just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and
Janet had both tasted... forbidden fruit. This in itself was
proof that their host was a man of little morals... and some
persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected
to? And what of the floorshow? In an empty house? In the
middle of the night? What diabolical plan had seized Frank's
crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before,
it was clear that this was to be... NO picnic.
ROSE TINT MY WORLD
COLUMBIA(unfrozen): It was great when it all began;
I was a regular Frankie fan.
But it was over when he had the plan
To start a-workin' on a muscle man.
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love of a certain dope.
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
ROCKY(unfrozen): I'm just seven hours old,
Truly beautiful to behold.
And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled.
Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust.
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.
BRAD(unfrozen): It's beyond me; help me, Mommy!
I'll be good, you'll see; take this dream away!
What's this? Let's see... I feel sexy.
What's come over me? WOOO! Here it comes again!
JANET(unfrozen): Woh-oh! I feel released, bad times deceased;
My confidence has increased; reality is here!
The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded!
It's a gas that Frankie's landed! His lust is so sincere!
FRANK: Whatever happened... to Fay Wray? That delicate, satin draped frame...
As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry,
'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure!
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh!
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure,
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever!
Can't you just see it? Woh oh oh!
Don't dream it; be it! (four times)
ALL : Don't dream it; be it! (ten times)
SCOTT(After the fifth time): Ach! We've got to get out of this trap
Before this decadence saps our wills!
I've got to be strong und try to hang on,
Or else my mind may well snap!
Und my life will be lived... for the thrills!
BRAD: It's beyond me; help me, Mommy...
JANET: God bless Lily St. Cyr!
FRANK: MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY!
I'm a wild and an untamed thing!
I'm a bee with a deadly sting!
You get a hit and your mind goes ping!
Your heart'll thump and you blood will sing!
So let the party and the sounds rock on!
We're gonna shake it 'til the life has gone!
Rose tint my world and keep me safe from my trouble and pain!
ALL(sung twice): We're a wild and an untamed thing!
We're a bee with a deadly sting!
You get a hit and your mind goes ping!
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing!
So let the party and the sounds rock on!
We're gonna shake it 'til the life has (1) gone! (2) gone, gone, gone!
Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain!
RIFF: Frank N. Furter, it's all over!
Your mission is a failure! Your lifestyle's too extreme!
I'm your new commander, you now are my prisoner!
We return to Transylvania; prepare the transit beam!
FRANK: Wait! I can explain!
I'M GOING HOME
FRANK: On the day I went away...
ALL : Goodbye...
FRANK: Was all I had to say...
ALL : Now I...
FRANK: I want to come again... and stay...
ALL : Oh, my, my...
FRANK: Smile and that will mean I may!
'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies through the tears in my eyes,
And I realise... I'm going home.
ALL: I'm going home...
FRANK: Everywhere... it's been the same...
ALL : ...feeling...
FRANK: ... like I'm outside in the rain...
ALL : ...wheeling...
FRANK: ...free to try and find a game...
ALL : ...dealing...
FRANK: ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain.
'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies through the tears in my eyes,
And I realise... I'm going home...
ALL : I'm going home... I'm going home... I'm going home!
(applause)
MAGENTA: How sentimental.
RIFF: And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said we were to
return to Transylvania, I referred only to Magenta and myself.
I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading... but you
see, you are to remain here... in spirit, anyway.
SCOTT: Great heavens! That's a laser!
RIFF: Yes, Dr. Scott, a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.
BRAD: You mean... you're going to kill him? What's his crime?
SCOTT: You saw what became of Eddie... society must be paid.
RIFF: Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N. Furter, your time has come.
Say goodbye to all of this... and hello... to oblivion.
(Columbia screams and is shot, Frank is shot, Rocky picks up
Frank's body and climbs the RKO Radio tower, which falls into
the pool, killing Rocky)
BRAD: Good God!
JANET: OH! You killed them!
MAGENTA: But I thought you liked them... they liked you.
RIFF: They didn't like me! He never liked me!
SCOTT: You did right.
RIFF: A decision had to be made...
SCOTT: You're okay by me!
RIFF: Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your... nephew.
SCOTT: Eddie? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh heh heh.
RIFF: You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible.
We are about to beam the entire house back to the planet of Transsexual,
in the galaxy of Transylvania. Go... NOW!
Our mission is almost completed, my most ...beautiful sister, and
soon we shall return to the moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet.
MAGENTA: Ah... Sweet Transsexual, land of night... to sing and dance once
more to your dark refrains... to take that step to the right...
RIFF: But it's the pelvic thrust...
TRANSYLVANIANS: ...that really drives you insane!
MAGENTA: On our world, we'll do the Time Warp again!
(The house is shown taking off)
NARRATOR: And crawling... on the planet's face,
Some insects called the human race.
Lost in time... and lost in space... and meaning.
ALL : Meaning.