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MEMORANDUM
TO: ALL CLIENTS WHO HAVE RECENTLY PURCHASED OR ARE ABOUT TO
PURCHASE A DOG.
FROM: STOKES A. BAIRD AND JAMES C. LADD
RE: WHAT NOT TO NAME YOUR DOG.
EVERYBODY WHO HAS A DOG CALLS HIM "ROVER" OR "BOY". I CALLED
MINE "SEX".
NOW, SEX HAS BEEN VERY EMBARRASSING TO ME, WHEN I WENT TO CITY
HALL TO RENEW HIS DOG LICENSE, I TOLD THE CLERK I WOULD LIKE TO
HAVE A LICENSE FOR SEX. HE SAID, "I'D LIKE TO HAVE ONE TOO". THEN
I SAID, "BUT THIS IS A DOG". HE SAID HE DIDN'T CARE WHAT SHE
LOOKED LIKE. THEN I SAID, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. " I'VE HAD SEX
SINCE I WAS NINE YEARS OLD". HE SAID I MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE A
KID!!!
WHEN I GOT MARRIED AND WENT ON MY HONEYMOON, I TOOK THE DOG
WITH ME. I TOLD THE HOTEL CLERK THAT I WANTED A ROOM FOR MY WIFE
AND ME, AND A SPECIAL ROOM FOR SEX. HE SAID THAT EVERY ROOM IN
THE PLACE WAS FOR SEX. I SAID, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, SEX KEEPS
ME AWAKE AT NIGHT". THE CLERK SAID, "ME TOO".
ONE DAY I ENTERED SEX IN A CONTEST, BUT BEFORE THE COMPETITION
BEGAN, THE DOG RAN AWAY. ANOTHER CONTESTANT ASKED ME WHY I WAS
STANDING THERE LOOKING AROUND, I TOLD HIM I HAD PLANNED TO HAVE
SEX IN THE CONTEST. HE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD HAVE SOLD MY OWN
TICKETS. "BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND", I SAID. "I HAD HOPED TO HAVE
SEX ON T.V.". HE CALLED ME A SHOW-OFF.
WHEN MY WIFE AND I SEPARATED, WE WENT TO COURT TO FIGHT FOR
CUSTODY OF THE DOG. I SAID, "YOUR HONOR, I HAD SEX BEFORE I WAS
MARRIED". THE JUDGE SAID, "ME TOO". THEN I TOLD HIM THAT AFTER I
WAS MARRIED, SEX LEFT ME. HE SAID, "ME TOO".
LAST NIGHT, SEX RAN OFF AGAIN. I SPENT HOURS LOOKING AROUND
TOWN FOR HIM. A COP CAME OVER TO ME AND ASKED, "WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN THIS ALLEY AT 4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?". I SAID, "I'M
LOOKING FOR SEX".
MY CASE COMES UP FRIDAY.....
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