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,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,. ,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,The Travelling M0dzmen Part II.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,., ,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,., Presented by Dick Cheese and Stu! Those two lovalble chums from Gastric Disorders! THIS IS THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE FAMED TRAVELLING MODSMEN, IT HAS BEEN LONG AWAITED BY MANY A COMPUTER DUDEZ! *THIS FILE CONTAINS MATERIAL WHICH MAY BE CONSIDERED OFFENSIVE TO CIRCLE JERKS FANS' OR TO THOSE WHO WEAR COMBAT BOOTS! PLEASE USE DISCRETION WHILE VIEWING THIS!* this file is presented by Ephram Moon Publications, a subsidiary of Gastric Disorders International. Gastric Disorders has no involvment with the Smegma Relief Center-there's such a fine line between clever and stupid. When we last left off, our hair-raising gang was staked out in the Safehouse East, when the Pantheon came lumbering in after being severly pelted then three dudez broke the door down, who was it? we will now find out! "W-w-Wink?" said the masked adventurer! "What are you doing here?" Thats right folks, it was Wink Martindale, host of the famed game show Tic Tac Dough. It turned out that the g-man, who had ordered tickets to the show, was a no-show, so Wink had decided to follow up on the whereabouts of him. "I had a feeling I'd find you here" said Wink. "Wink you should'nt be here, it's too dangerous for you here, the Controller is after us, and we fear the Gonif may be already dead said The Underdog. "Not to worry dudes, I'll be gone soon, i just came by to drop of this Lazee-Boy Recliner and this diskette" said Wink. "Alright, i'm leaving so I guess i'll see ya dudes later. Just as Wink had walked out the g-man spouted with horror. "Hey wait!, i did not order tickets to Tic Tac Dough, i ordered tickets The Joker's Wild, just then after he revealed this, outside John la garga removed his Wink Martindale mask. "I thought those combat boots he was wearing looked a littlhe was wearing looked a little suspicious" said the Specialist. Just then, a new user logged on the Safehouse, he left a post that read "modsmen, meet at 3:00 p.m. today on the second floor of the Starcade at Tivoli, for a special meeting of Dune members. The Swindler, being the only m0dsman left with a computer quickly took that suspicious disk left by Wink and booted it up, it seemed like an innocent copy of Strip Poker, but as Suzi and Melissa got down to the buff, The Swindler's eyes began to tear, the others being of the keen sort, quickly shielded their eyes, but it was too late for the Swindler, he fell into a cold sweat and began to tremble, he fell to the floor in convulsions, this shock to his measely body took its toll as he quickly succumbed to this dreaded torture. By the time the two nudes had finished all that was left of the Swindler was a pair of Aqua-man Underoos and two pages of soft-dox. Wearing a heavy duty welder's mask to protect his eyes the Cat Burglar quickly turned the computer off. "GADS!" they all shouted. "We had better shag our butts and get to that meeting before we all turn out like the Swindler" stated the Underdog as he finished off the last bite of his Meatball and Head Cheese sandwich. At 3:00 p.m. sharp on the second floor of the Starcade, the m0dzmen assembled waiting for some sort of clue to why they were lured here. Then, th Masked Adventurer screamed, "hey, there's the gonif, and he's got a whole lot o' people with him." As the gonif approached the m0dsmen came upon some familiar faces. With the gonif, was Klepto, Red Devil, The Intellectual, and Mental Marvel. "What are all you guys doing here? said the Pantheon feeling sort of blue, for he had missed a great Chinese Opera and an evening alone with Commo-holic. Each of the new members had some excuse as to why they were not the 6 foot 3 inch football player they had told each other they were over the phone. "all of us are in a shitload of truoble, and these guys volunteered to help" spewed the Gonif. "First of all we had better get some supplies for i feel this is gonna be a long night for us all" said Mental Marvel. Down the street at Dutch Treat Computer Center they are having a half price sale, and we could stock up on disks, a few more computers and some modems and maybe a printer for the long night ahead of us. "Good idea" said the Underdog, "let's go!" Down at the computer center, The Intellectual reached for a box of Opus Affordable disks, "Stop!" said the gonif, as he gave the intellectual a shiny new box of Gold Label Premium Datalife Diskettes, "This aint no amateur two-drive sysop, this is the controller and we need only the best! Then he summoned for Red Devil, "go get a new Gibson Light Pen System" said the gonif, "do you really think we'll need that?" replied Red Devil. "this is the controller we'll need everything we can lay our grubby paws on". "o.k but we'll gonna need some i.d. for stuff that powerful, Klepto just barely made it through with a 212 card" said Red Devil. "dont worry if the cashier gives you any trouble bribe her with some MCI codes and if she still wont come around then show her a picture of John la garga in the nude, but be forewarned, there not bor guys with weak stomachs. "We've got to hurry" said the Underdog, "Hatsuki Kang is waiting for us at the Berlin Wall, he's gonna give us the german passports we need to get to our new hideout at the Hoffbrau House, plus i hear he's got a new crack of Rescue Raiders, complete with all the cheats" stated the Underdog. The rest of the gang eager to get their hands on the new crack of rescue raiders had a already piled in the Partridge Family Bus they had rented from Reuben Kincaid who not only being the Partridges manager was also a good friend of Klepto's. The ride to the wall was long and tirThe ride to the wall was long and tiring, but thanks to the mobil cellular phone installed in the bus, each of the m0dzman's were able to log on the board of their choice. "What's the matter with Masked Adventurer, i noticed he doesn't have his usual cheesy smile?" questioned the G-man. "Oh dont mind him, he's just sore because he didnt get validated on that 20 meg french board, replied The Cat Burglar. Then from the back of the bus, a whiny voice blared out- "DUDEZ, IM SOOOO STONED!" it was the masked adventurer, the rest of the gang just shook their heads in disbelief. Then Mental Marvel who was driving the bus said, "dudes, there's two guys ahead dressed in orange pants and they're wearing huge foam cowboy hats, and i think but i'm not positive, i think they have armadillos in their pants. "Well they look like hearty souls, whadayasay we pick them up?" said the gonif "SURE" replied the gang. The two guys boarded each of them wearing a shirt with a computerized portrait of themselves on it. The taller of the two was carrying a large shopping bag that had printed on it the words "lamark's" inside were fish trimmings, the parts of fish usually discarded, the two odd travellers periodically munched on the contents of this bag, the smaller traveller, introduced himself as Stu! and was carrying a large boom box on his shoulder which was blaring out gospel tunes at a beaver pitch. "hey we're hiding out from the controller and were gonna have a big showdown with him, you guys wanna come along?" asked the Specialist. The taller one who revealed himself as dick cheese barked "No way, face it, you guys are tacky, we're roadies with Mel Torme' on his European Tour. The two began mooning each other and juggling pork rhinds, the terrified m0dzmen moved to the rear of the bus. "Gee dick", said stu!, "what a bunch of zeroes we wound up with" "no kiddin'" said dick, "did you notice not one of them is wearing an Ann b. Davis wig." Then dick said to the drive mental marvel, "hey driver, you can just drop us off here at this bowling alley, Stu! and I have to pick up a few new pairs of shoes. As the bus stopped the two odd travellers got out and vanished into the smartly decorated vinyl padded bowling alley, gone as quickly as they came. Later at the wall, the gang met up with Hatsuki just as planned. "hey guys, over here!" yelled Hatsuki Kang as he swept the dust off his new wooden shoes. "You got those phony passports, hatsuki?" asked The Gonif. "forget about that, what about that new crack of rescue raiders?" inquired the g-man. "Oh yah, i forgot to tell you guys, that new crack of rescue Raiders is a Sinclair 1000 version, sorry guyz!" said Hatsuki in an apologetic tone! "Yah, but what about the passports, are they any good?" asked the gonif. "well" said hatsuki, "everybody except The Masked Adventurers is ok, its just that the only person that we could find that matched his height is Emmanuel Lewis, so he'll have to double as him, i brought along some grease paint and a short cut fro, so put it on!" At the checkpoint at the wall, the m0dzmen waited anxiously, "I sure hope they believe i'm Julian Lennon" vomitted The g-man". "Relax, you're a shoo-in stated the Cat Burglar. All of the m0dzmen made it through ok, and later that evening, those who had brought along a change of underwear, decided now was as good a time as any to change. The g-man however decided to search for a store that sold plain white t-shirts and black op's, as that was the only outfit he has ever been seen wearing. At their hotel, the m0dzmen unpacked and looked forward to a leisurely evening wearing their newly purchased dearfoams and a nice night of some advanced d&d. But for the Intellectual it would be anything but leisurely. After stumbling from room to room looking for his own, the Intellectual arrived at what he thought was his own, but upon entering he saw an evil sight that would prove fatal. What he saw was John De la Garza nude except for a leather ball cup and a butt plug, and he was holding a huge leather whip. For the next eight hours the youth was forced to engage in torrid 3-ways with shaven yaks and a monkey, all as John de la garza was whipping him and yelling M0dz, m0dz, where are the m0dz. But the Intellectual was strong, and with stood the punishment and even learned to like it, then he succumbed to the pain, and fell to the floor white as a ghost and bleeding from his rectum. The hotel Management could not pay the janitor enough to clean up the room and to this day the room remains in the same state, serving as a monument to the world of the destructive force of the Controller. The next day after a futile search for the Intellectual, the m0dzmen had to give up and leave, each of them exiting the hotel carrying an armload of hotel towels and a few ashtrays. Mental Marvel being the efficient type already had the Bus ready for boarding and Red Devil being the sentimental type had built a shrine in the back of the bus for their gone but not forgotten chum, complete with an 8 x 10 portrait of him, a copy of his board, and a video-cassette entitled "Muscle Men of Muscle Beach meet Charles Atlas which the Intellectual was never able to fully explain. Then Klepto approached the shrine, and laid a box of 10 disks that they had purchased the day before and said "This is for you Intellectual, so that you may continue your quest of k-k00l new ware-ez in another life and world. Now the all of the M0dzmen were on the bus and roarin' to go. "It's off to the Hoffbrau House, our new hideout" said Mental Marvel as he finished biting on his toenails. As The Specialist rumaged through the m0dzmen's item looking for the anal intruder kit he brought along he stumbled upon something un- familiar. "Hey guys, look at this bag i found" he said with a snidely grin upon his mug. It was a large shopping bag, and on the side was printed "McJeeber Novelties". "Those two cornballs we picked up yesterday must have left it on the bus." "Let's have a look at that bag" said the gonif. "There could be some stuff we might need and those two freaks will never know its gone. What came out of that bag is a story in itself. The Gonif asked for The Underdog's help in removing the various items. The Underdog removed the first item as the others looked on in awe. It was a box and inside was a fake chinese dinner. The Gonif then removed a dribble Petri Dish. "These are all gags and practical jokes" said the Gonif, the bag is full of them". Other items that were removed were 2 Mable Thomas Masks, A jell-o basball bat, talking celery, WHAM melody chainsaw, an exploding confessional, and a walnut autographed by Ty Cobb. "Holey Cow" said Klepto as held up the jell-o base- ball bat. "What's this stuff for?" he inquired. Find out this question as well as many others such as 1-Do the novelties have any purpose and are they helpful to the m0dzmen or 2-Are Dick Cheese and Stu! just a couple of flakes? 3-Will the Pantheon ever attend a chinese opera and will comm0 h0lic be there. 4-And will Wink Martindale ever realize his hair looks like a cheap rug? Find out this plus much, much, more in the thrilling final,(yes final) conclusion of the Travelling M0dzmen we promise that it will be the last! written by dick cheese and stu! for gastric disorders and other happenin boards! thanks to the pantheon, the swindler, the g-man, the masked adventurer, Klepto the specialist, the gonif, the underdog, Hatsuki Kang, Red Devil, The cat burglar, Mental Marvel, the intellectual for their cooperation.