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Let’s Play The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

☛ Gameplay spoilers for Tears of the Kingdom start on Day ≤1, and plot spoilers start on Day 1. The introduction, right below, has minor gameplay spoilers for Breath of the Wild, the previous game. Even bigger spoilers for BotW start at Day 6. You should expect the spoilers to get even bigger after that. ☚

A while back, but long after it came out on the Switch, I played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. It was the first game I got for the Switch, and it, plus the DLC, was nothing short of fantastic. I figured that I’d have gotten my money’s worth for the Switch and the Pro Controller even if I bought nothing else for the Switch ever. At some point, I realized I like games where you could wander around and dick around; the joy of discovery was something I really liked, and Breath of the Wild delivered lots and lots and lots of Hyrule to explore. It also had a nicely gentle learning curve, which was very important for me at the time.

BotW was my first 3D modern-controller (A, B, X, Y, L, ZL, R, ZR, D-pad, left stick, right stick, −, +, camera, home) game, and it took me a crazy long time to get adequate at the controls. Even something as basic as camera movement took some getting used to, mainly because I had to figure out what I wanted, nearly from first principles. I knew that I wanted pulling back on the stick to look up (a carryover from mouse-based FPSs which was a carryover from flight simulators), but I wasn’t quite sure what was natural for the left-right axis. I eventually settled on reversing both the vertical and horizontal axes, but that was long after I’d gotten off the Great Plateau. While I was on the Great Plateau, I had my hands full trying to get good enough at the controls to get all three apples off a tree without making it look like I’m trying to dance around the tree instead of picking apples. Solo bokoblins? Yeah, that was a challenge. The talus? I figured out soon enough that I didn’t need to take it on then, and could come back to it.

Incidentally, a Switch controller’s front-button layout looks like this:

    X
   Y A
    B

L and R are index-finger buttons. ZL and ZR are middle-finger buttons. The left stick is opposite the ABXY buttons, while the D-pad is down and inside a bit, opposite the right stick.

Now then. I was in no rush to finish Breath of the Wild, and partway through I ended up buying the DLC for it. While I’d outgrown some of the outfits that the DLC provides, I got a lot of use out of the Traveler’s Medallion to warp back to where I was a moment ago, and it cut down on a lot of annoying travel.

Eventually I did Calamity Ganon in, and I figured I was ready for Master Mode, maybe.

When I started my Master Mode playthrough, I decided to do a written Let’s Play of it. For several surprisingly-uninteresting reasons, it’s not really publishable (and it’s even worse in gemtext), so you’ll be missing out on what amounts to mostly-boring travel writing that takes place in a location that doesn’t exist.

Not that what follows is shaping up to be any more interesting or different, mind.

The only thing from my BotW Let’s Plays worth publishing here is the following passage, written after riding to the Coliseum and cleaning it out of both koroks and DLC chests. I noted that there was a stable-and-shrine pair somewhat close by, and wrote this:

I left my horse, of course, of course, and I didn’t want to walk to my horse, of course. That said, of course, I could board the horse, and then mount him _there_, instead.

There, I just saved you hours of reading.

The snowclone makes more sense if you know that you can talk to a stablehand to board your horse, regardless of where it is on the map, and then pull it out of the stable, ready to ride.

⁂

Now then. If your Gemini client has a way to skip around to different headings, you might want to use it. If you don’t know if it does, you might want to poke around and find out.

Day ≤1

I try to finalize spoilers policy.

• I’ve been trying to avoid story and gameplay spoilers. I haven’t totally succeeded. I gather that one can build things. People have been building things, and sharing videos of them.
• I’ll try to avoid looking stuff up on the Internet. I’ve already played BotW, and I should be good enough at these sorts of games to not need that sort of thing until late.
• I will keep trying to avoid both story and gameplay spoilers.

Day 1: 2023-05-13

You start out with both rows of hearts filled. More than you could end the previous game with, IIRC. Wonder where Link picked up a couple extra heart containers.

Ever since the end of the Calamity, the castle has fallen into neglect.

I know this is still post-apocalyptic Hyrule and all, but…were Ganon and his minions half-decent caretakers…?

The Master Sword seems longer. Either that, or the camera’s closer in than I’m used to it being.

OK, the Zonai lived in the sky, and were the earliest civilization on record. Good thing Skyward Sword DX came out a short while ago…

Keese? In MY abandoned forbidden basement?

Zelda has a Purah-made camera in the style of the Sheikah Slate, but what happened to the real one?

Well, there goes all but three of my hearts. And the outside of my right arm.

Oh huh, green sky. I should expect a lot more green in this game where I saw blue before.

OK, I understand we got a new arm…but what happened to Link’s clothes…and earrings?

Oh, they’re back on after the cutscene ended.

Decayed Master Sword

[one-handed sword] 1

The sword that seals the darkness. Its sacred

power has been diminished after being

ravaged by the gloom beneath Hyrule Castle.

Man, this thing went from 30 or 60 damage to…1.

OK, cut some vines. I can do this. But first…wander around.

It’s crazy weird how pressing X in midair does nothing.

You still get decent AoE if you hold down Y. Way longer than you’d expect from a stub of a sword.

Yeah, yeah. Green glowy thing with a hand icon on it. Is this water deep enough to swim in? Yes.

New underpants. This one has an obvious fly, of sorts, plus the pair has…a belt. Actually two.

Oh hey, a blue thing to stand on. Maybe later.

I wonder if one could tell the difference between BotW and TotK screenshots just from the blue/green balance.

Jump in water.

Climb up a bit. I know how to do this to get out of the Resurrection Chamber!

Landing in water, even from a great height, will prevent you from taking fall damage.

Guess I’m not getting a parachute anytime soon. If ever. Rip in peace.

Archaic legwear. Looks like I’m ready to be an extra on Ben Hur or something.

[important cutscene]

Tree Branch

[one-handed sword] 2

Wooden branches such as this are pretty

common, but it’s surprisingly well-balanced.

It doesn’t do much damage but can serve

as a weapon in a pinch.

This tree branch is twice as powerful as the Master Sword.

…I should have done the skydiving in my underpants. It’s not like I needed the armor.

…I had to use TWO sticks to kill this Zonai thing. What is this, Master Mode?

None of this lifted Hyrule looks like it’s from anyplace I’ve seen before.

“Purah Pad”. Looks like a Switch, kind of like how the Sheikah Slate looked like a Wii U.

Fake news. I’ve been to the Temple of Time. It’s a wreck.

Oh. Maybe the one I was at earlier was the new one.

Let’s press ⊖, shall we?

45°F

0453, -1312, 1535

I can’t tell if the map’s internal boundaries are the same as what I remember from down below. Where I am now seems a bit south of Hyrule Castle, and a bit east of where I remember the Great Plateau being.

Korok Seed

This small seed was given to you by a Korok.

It has a distinct smell. If you gather a bunch

of them, you never know what may happen…

The first of many, I assume. And I think I know what’ll happen.

You know, I was _not_ rewarded for breaking pots and taking their contents in the previous game. Evidently this one is a return to form.

Well, I can’t Magnesis this plus sign into the right place. I wonder what I’ll have to do.

The cold part was interesting. I learned about making green things go. Having to cook beforehand gave me at least a little bit of simulated danger, but it’s nothing I haven’t handled on the Great Plateau. I got some arrows and a bunch of spicy peppers, but that was about it.

Wooden planks…and a grind rail…with hooks beside it. This is definitely mechanic foreshadowing, but I’ve managed to keep myself spoiler-free enough to not be sure how I’m going to put tab A into slot B.

OK, enough farting around. Time to actually go to where Zelda is supposed to be.

Oh, no! This one has a shield!

…I finally won by baiting him to spin his horned neck around, and he had his shield down for that. Phew. I spent quite a bit of time trying to Perfect Dodge, and whiffed it every time, probably by pressing the wrong button.

“Visit the shrines”, says Link’s new right-hand man.

OK, I’ll leave that for tomorrow.

Two hours today.

Day 2: 2023-05-16

I’m going over to where the obvious shrine is. It’s 6:30 PM all of a sudden. Did the existence of time creep up on me after I got to the Temple of Time?

…well, that’d make sense. Kind of.

Let me see what’s down there, below the hard-to-get rushrooms and…whoops, that was a second too-far fall, and then my corpse ragdolled over the edge. Game overed in the tutorial zone.

“Ukouh Shrine”. They really ran out of easy-to-pronounce names in Breath of the Wild, didn’t they?

OK, is this non-Euclidean space, like a TARDIS, or…?

Anyhow.

Mr. Right-Hand Man again:

I believe this light will restore an ability your right arm has lost.

Like, it seems fully functional to me already. I can swing a sword with it, hold apples with it, and probably flip people off with it. I forget which hand Link used to trigger bomb detonations from the Sheikah Slate, but it probably wasn’t the arm that holds the sword or moral equivalent.

Wouldn’t want to pick my nose with it — the nails look menacingly long and thick.

Anyhow. Continuing…

Ultrahand

Grab and move objects, rotate them, and

stick them to other objects.

Hm. Press L (left index finger, not left thumb) to activate the ability in my right hand. I guess this ability is the start of all the “look what I built” videos I’ve tried to avoid on the Internet.

Oh cool, an eight-item radial menu! Anyone else remember RadialContext for Mozilla and then Firefox? No? Damn.

I guess this is how you’ll get abilities to you doled out, one per Real Dungeon that Breath of the Wild Lacked™.

OK, so it’s like Magnesis…but for anything. And you can rotate things horizontally in 45° increments.

First one down.

Second one…let’s see. I’ll just stick the first one on the far side, so the center of gravity is on the far ledge, and then figure out a way to stick the second one to it…

Well, huh. There’s some green goo sticking the two together now, and the whole thing’s center of gravity was in mid-air so it all fell. Thankfully, the angle isn’t so steep that I can’t just run up it. Inelegant, but good enough.

Wiggle R (right thumb) to unstick. Feels like shake-to-undo. Seems…out of place. Not sure I like it.

OK, I got over. I don’t see a then-obligatory chest. Maybe it’s way up high, in the example sliding monorail raft, but I don’t see a way to get me up there from here.

Burned off a little red there. Nice.

⁂

A freezing-climates tip in the loading screen. Foreshadowing!

The fact that their labor no longer serves any purpose, yet they perform it still…it is disquieting to me.

Someone should make a game about that.

Anyhow, cute sailboats.

These apple trees are for babies. The BotW apple trees, canonically had three apples:

• one that you could pick up by standing next to it
• one you had to jump to get
• one you had to climb the tree to get

These trees only have the first two.

Anyhow, I assemble a long bridge made of like three parts. Seems like I can’t lift things as high as I could with Magnesis — I’m having to weave this thing in between trees instead of lifting the whole thing over all of them like I figure I could.

Hm. The Zonai have…floating boxes. That just stay wherever you leave them. They look climbable, too. I should test this out after I get one over terra…well, firma-enougha.

8:40 PM already. I’m not going to have to deal with stal-anything up here, am I?

Amber went on a diet.

Sunset fireflies are still around, I see.

Peered over the edge and I see Nazca ruins-type things on the ground below.

“Ancient Arowana”. I guess that’s a good name for a fish I have to hunt for with arrows instead of bombs.

A 2-pack of korok seeds! Totally new mechanic!

These chuchus are backing up. Are they getting smarter…?

“In-Isa Shrine”. Oh hey look, a bombable wall.

Fuse

Attach something to an equipped weapon

or shield to enhance it. You can undo the

fusion, but that will destroy whatever has

been attached.

Attach rock to rusty big-ass sword, smash rock wall. Got it.

6 rusty-claymore damage, +2 from the boulder.

OK, I can make my arrows…fruity. Hot.

Constructs and chuchus fight each other. Interesting.

Oh hey, a “you got a weapon, you can drop something worse” interface. Nice QoL improvement.

Interesting. A ceiling-walking frog that isn’t obviously hostile. I’ll leave it alone, and hope it does the same.

It left me alone. It probably won’t need these glowing seeds…or the ruby behind a stone wall.

Archaic Tunic

[shirt] 1

Old-fashioned upper-body wear. It’s got some

holes, but the soft cloth feels good to the

touch. It’s hard to keep it wrinkle-free.

Oh, huh. I can just yank shrooms off of inaccessible places. Getting loads of rushrooms is probably gonna be way easier now.

OK, I’ve got the amber, killed the captain, gotten the stambulbs…how do I get back? I can’t lock on to any of the floating platforms.

Finally, once I got up high enough. Spooky. Small indie company?

Backtracked a bit, then set up a hovercraft. I ended up getting blown into the guardrail on the left, but I ended up crossing before my battery ran out. I thought about maybe adjusting the fan direction, but didn’t really get to it in time, or at least it wasn’t totally necessary.

“You should cook”, it says, so I do.

Scorching Meat Skewer

♥︎♥︎½ 🗡️☀️ Hot Weather Attack 01:30

Grants a low-level attack enhancement in

hot places.

A juicy, filling snack made by grilling small

chunks of meat on a skewer.

“Ups damage only in hot places”? Did we need this mechanic? Really?

89 arrows already.

I tagged where I’m going with the red beacon, so now’s a good stopping point.

Another two hours, for a total of four.

Day 3: 2023-05-17

OK, up the hill. I’ll get all these rushrooms and…

Well, glad I cooked a bunch of stamina food. Let’s eat the smallest possible meal…

OK, I might make it to the top…if I jump at the very last second, I can maximize my stamina…

…fuck. No parachute. Oddly enough, I’m down to a half heart remaining, not a quarter like I’d expect if one-shot protection were enabled.

Fuck it. I’m walking. There are stairs here.

⁂

OK, a hole filled with bombable…uh…rockable rocks. How can I smash them? Let’s see if I can climb up on a wall close by and do a midair smash…

…nope, that wasn’t it.

Big sticks with rocks on the end get used like mining hammers from the old game, right? Can’t I just do the spin-and-ground-pound move?

Yes, we can!

Fuck, that’s a beautiful sunrise.

Onward and upward…

…three captains? And there’s all kinds of stuff around them. I’m going to have to use tools.

Should’ve eaten after the first whack. Good thing I saved manually right before this.

Opal. Sweet.

OK. You can smelt zonaite into things.

Charges…crystallized charges…crystallized charges are raw materials for making energy cells…

And now, for a mine-cart ride. Uphill!

…now, that’s the biggest gumball machine I’ve ever seen.

Korok, and…

now, a mine-cart monorail. Cool.

OK, this is a nice little hill. Shield-surfing still works, right? Hold out your shield, jump, and then press…what is it…A?

Yes!

A…single-use pot. Best on flat surfaces, it says.

Up and around through the cave, and…

It’s cold up here. I’ll do speedrun strats and only eat the hot food when I’m about to die.

Interesting. There’s a giant dandelion here. Let me whack it and…

…darn. Didn’t see where it landed. Maybe it’ll respawn if I go back up again.

After like ten attempts, I figure out that the winning play is to stand where it’ll probably land, shoot it with an arrow from there, and then grab it as it falls. I almost got filtered. The hand stuff I have doesn’t help me at all.

Uphill and…

Oh shit, this one’s got one of those flamethrowers I got from the gumball machine.

One whack from full health and I’m at a quarter heart. Good thing I’ve got one-hit KO protection.

Got cocky. Game over.

Killed him after I came back. Good thing I booked it to the cave entrance and got a free autosave. You know what beats trying to Perfect Dodge a flamethrower? Headshots.

Bomb flowers. I remember this mechanic.

Another bubble-blowing glowing frog.

…what the fuck WAS that thing on the wall with a testicle dangling deep behind its maw of teeth?

Like Like Stone

OK, one of those. Haven’t seen one of those since the 8-bit days, so no wonder I didn’t recognize it.

Climb up some more, and…

…two captain constructs, and another Game Over. Kill them both on the second time, and…

…there are two flame heads here.

Hmm.

I’ll stick one to a sword and another…to a shield? Sure.

The shield works like a flamethrower if you just hold your shield out. This could be fun.

I’m within spitting distance of the shrine I’ve been trying to work myself towards, so I’ll stop at the 90-minute mark.

1½ hours today, for a total of 5½ hours.

Day 4: 2023-05-19

Climb up a bit, and…gutentag…er…Gutenbach? (I checked after finishing and it’s “Gutanbac”.)

Ascend

Move upward through solid material and

emerge on top of it.

Is this the mini Revali’s Gale I’ve been hearing about?

Not really. It lets you go up, but you have to get through a wall to do it.

I don’t really like it. It feels constrained, like an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.

Anyhow, that’s done. My right-hand man says to go to the Temple of Time.

There’s a fantastically suspicious circle of what are probably stones on this mountain, so I’m going to walk down the normal way instead of climbing up the roots draped over the top exit to the Bottomless Cave.

Now for a cooking session…

…and to go up through this very obvious “use Ascend here” overhang and into the hollowed-out giant tree…

Archaic Warm Greaves

Good thing I didn’t make loads of cold-weather food.

Got the obvious korok on top.

…gliders…? Let’s check out the local gumball machine and see if I need anything on it other than a fan.

It gives me at least one wing if I dump five Zonai charges in. Also fans and other stuff.

I’m going to save now.

Fan on, and…

…steady as she goes…

too high, gonna have to kill some altitude by looping around…

• sploosh*

Like Launchpad McQuack didn’t say, any landing you can swim away from is a good landing.

Climb up the steps, sometimes literally, open the door, and…

Ooh, wow.

Man, princesses have a weird life.

Recall

Reverse an object’s movement until it goes

back to where it was. You can stop the

reverse movement at any time.

OK, this looks very game-mechanicy. I wonder if I’ll be able to use it in combat.

Pray

I want goodies, not to just get smiled upon.

I am not yet vital enough. I cannot open the bigger door. Evidently this door is a giant Master Sword.

OK, NOW I can TP to previous shrines. It’s all coming together now.

Let’s just check out this one gear thing, and…

…damn, my timing sucks.

…Oh, this is the shrine. I was supposed to do this.

Nachoyah shrine. I think they’re having a giggle.

“100 crystallized charges”

Well, then. I’d better get to collecting. I only have 10 now.

Anyhow. These shrines look way bigger in caves.

Easy enough.

Now then. Back outside. Let’s peer over the edge, and…

Wow, the Temple of Time is far below. I probably don’t need a fan for this. I’m still saving the game, though.

Well, I didn’t need a fan.

I do need to dive way more than I did, though, because the thing dematerialized way over my target and I fell to my death. I didn’t realize that pressing the Dive button would have let me Pilotwings my way to a different landing zone, possibly over some water.

Second time…nailed it. Somewhere in the giant body of water, but still. Close enough to swim to the entrance without drowning or having to munch stamina foods.

Guess I’m getting a heart container now.

Heart Container

A rare item that restores some of the life

force you lost to the gloom, increasing your

maximum number of hearts by one.

And that burns off everything, not just my funky arm.

Odd that this is phrased as restoring what was taken, as opposed to adding to what was there already.

Aww, cute. The dragons kissed.

…and that’s the last I’ll probably see of my right-hand man.

Zelda gets the sword. She looks like she’ll hang onto it for a bit. She seems relieved, somewhat.

I get a mentalgram from her like in the last game, saying “Link — you must find me.”

The cutscene ends with the clouds clearing a bit.

There’s Hyrule Castle.

There’s a big pond below.

Hyrule Castle is now covered in red…smoke? As opposed to the old purple crud.

There’s a red glowing crater south of Hyrule Castle.

There’s a very deliberate spiral cloud way over in the Hebra region, to the northwest.

I’ll just check over on the other side, and…whoops.

Nice view while falling. I’m going to have to eat some stamina food to make sure I don’t drown before I get to the shore…

…done.

Pick up a rock, get a mystery item known as a “green rupee”.

That’s enough for today.

1½ hours today, for a total of 7 hours.

Day 5: 2023-05-20

Now that I’m on the ground, let’s see what’s new.

The map, even when you haven’t explored an area, shows bodies of water. I trivially recognize Lake Hylia, Zora’s Domain, and a few other places. Makes sense, since landing in water from up high is a thing now.

OK. I remember seeing a shrine. I want to TP up and down, and not just have to skydive to get from Up There to Down Here. Let’s go that way.

Damn. Lots of random chunks fell from the sky.

Hyrule Restoration Materials

Use this materials cache for all your building needs. Come find us if you’d like a dream home! —Hudson Construction

Some ad.

What does the game expect me to do, build a cart and put a fan on it? Isn’t this what horses are for?

Also, I’m used to TotK dialog boxes having some kind of flair on the left and right sides. Talking with the koroks and others up in the sky gave me, IIRC, buds with wings; this dialog box has buds without wings, like I see in the newfangled shrines.

Hyrule Herb

I remember these!

“Tajikats Shrine”. Probably not the worst name, and it’s right by a stable.

Building With Logs

Got over the first hump.

…now what am I supposed to do?

I made a U-shaped thing with the three logs I had available and nestled the two tips on the metal extrusion. It stayed. Good enough for me.

This one? Just make a two-log bridge. Easy.

Now…hm. Maybe if I make a cube thing?

I’ve ended up with a square base, two poles sticking out the middle, and three parallel logs up top roughly going between the two up poles. Let’s try this…

Darn. Too top-heavy. It just fell over in the water. Guess three logs up top is too much.

OK, I reinforced the bottom and took off one of the logs up top. I’ll just set this extra log on the ledge I’m going to go to and…oh huh. I can stick this contraption to the log that’s dangling over the edge, making it more stable.

Now for the final everything. There’s a chest over on the left that I want. I don’t know what’s in it, but I want it.

I think I’ll put a fan on on the diagonal and see what happens.

…why am I being given two fans?

OK, don’t put it on the back. That just makes it spin…

What if I have front fan drive?

Nope. That just spins it ’round right around.

Two fans, in front, and I whack one or the other to make it go where I want.

OK, they both went at the same time, and I can’t individually target them. It got me to the end, though, and let’s see if I can just swim sideways against the current…

Got it. A spiky shield. A shield with green plant spikes on it.

Swam back to the raft, whacked it again to turn the fans on, and went forward and left a bit. Jumped off, had a harrowing one-stamina-ring swim to the middle area, and…now I’m on ground again.

⁂

Riverside stable.

Riverside stable…well.

Well.

I’ll circle around back to that maybe.

Beedle.

I have…one rupee.

Moving along.

A Malanya bed. I wonder what sort of sweet nothings Malanya might whisper in my ear. That said, this stable doesn’t have any beds in it, so I’m not sure how well I’d sleep…

Oh. I need something called Pony Points. Every time I use a stable service, I get Pony Points.

This seems like weird gamification bullshit in my video game.

At two points I can get a…towing harness.

OK, that’s moderately interesting.

And…my first blood moon. I’m ready to cook!

Just saw a chunk fall from the sky. I wonder if it’s the new Star Fragment. Too far away for me to get to soon.

I’ll just cook this…and that…and these…and try making some potions out of these crickets I’ve been picking up…

[piano music intensifies]

…and some spicy mushroom dishes…

[clock strikes midnight]

Well, that’s spooky. All these enemies seem to have some kind of spike on their heads now. Nice to have the preview, I suppose.

That’s enough for today.

One hour, for a total of eight.

Day 5+i: 2023-05-24

Haven’t been able to find the time to sit down and actually play the game, but it’s not like I’ve totally stopped thinking about it.

A series of thoughts:

• I’m at a stable in, roughly, central Hyrule.
• If my memory isn’t trash, I should be able to go south to where the Great Plateau was. Of course, the Great Plateau might not be a thing anymore.
• The north side of the Great Plateau had a bunch of horses just milling around. I remember them because I tried to jump off the Great Plateau directly onto an unsuspecting horse’s back, and failed, repeatedly, because the game doesn’t let you do that.
• The only other places I remember getting horses from were around the horse monument out west, and just east of Dueling Peaks to the east, where the local shrine is surrounded by water and also spikes the first time you show up at it.
• I have ice chuchu jellies. I should be able to stick them on arrows and turn them into ice arrows, right? I wonder if the BotW speedrun strat of “freeze the horse with an arrow, stand right next to it, then mount it when it unfreezes” still works in TotK…
• I wonder if one of the things Malanya whispers in your ear while you sleep is “it is valid to eat fingers”.

Still at eight hours of gameplay.

Day 6: 2023-06-06

Heading south.

They still have enemy outposts. They look fancier. I think I see some new enemy in there. Not going to go after them yet. Let’s sneak around the perimeter and collect dragonflies…

I don’t really see anything that looks like the Great Plateau. There’s the reddish mountains off to the right still, but…I don’t recognize what’s right in front of me.

At least I see some green glowing stuff ahead. At least I get a shrine this way.

Sundelion

Huh.

And now there’s one of those moblins with a giant four-tipped spike in his head that I saw during the Blood Moon sequence.

…I’m avoiding him.

…a red wizzrobe…

…I’m definitely avoiding him.

Kamizun shrine. I’ll take it.

…now this is a proper shrine name.

…where’d my clothes go?

Proving Grounds: Beginner

Is this a miniature Eventide Island?

…more like miniature Trial of the Sword. Lot of enemies here.

Well.

Gonna have to not tick them all off at once.

Did that. Got ’em anyway.

Hm. The unpicked red hot chili peppers (firefruit?) disappeared, too. Not just the things I picked up.

Chest with a thing in it…and a little bit of evil cleansing.

⁂

Now then. More south.

Well, here’s the Great Plateau, or what’s left of it.

Your friend is on the top of that thing. Hm. I don’t even know how to get myself up there yet, little buddy.

Oh, hey. There’s this newly-fallen sky rock that I can Ascend through. That should take me about halfway up…

Great Plateau

Hyrule Field

And a rushroom.

⁂

There’s the old (new) Temple of Time.

A giant bokoblin off to the left, across the pavement…

…and, going up the stairs to the Temple of Time, a normal-ish bokoblin with a thing on his head.

He’s armored.

On one hand, a bomb flower was a good idea.

On the other hand, a point-blank bomb flower was not a good idea. RIP.

Hooray for autosaves.

This second time, the bomb flower took off his armor — I think, because his HP bar isn’t yellow anymore. It’s back to the red I’ve come to know and love.

Man, this guy is tanky. Feels like Master Mode without the HP regen.

Black bokoblin horn.

I guess I’m supposed to compensate for weak damage with things like this.

…and that was one of those creepy tree monsters that the loading screen warned me about. Good thing I have a shield with a flamethrower on it…

And one more bokoblin.

…and now there’s dragons in the sky. Did they pop up because I got close, or because it’s nighttime?

Anyway. One trio of stalbokoblins is enough. I’m starting a fire.

⁂

Yup. Dragons still here.

I still do not have a horse.

This spiky shield might be handy if these things try to grab me…

“Aerocuda”. They go down in one arrow.

Oh hey, there’s that pond.

And there’s still a(nother) korok here.

Temple of Time Ruins

Looks about the same. Let’s pray…

I am trapped…under the water…behind

the stone gate…of the great plateau…

Well, I didn’t expect that. I expected to be told that I only have 2/4 Monk Boogers and to come back later.

Uphill, I saw the gate to the cold part of the Plateau. Maybe I’ll go up there. I’ve got the pants for it…

This part looks Ascendable.

Man, I’m getting high up. I sure hope the ladder outside is still there…

OK, I think this is where King Rhoam told me what’s up…and hey, there’s a chest here!

Nostalgic Fabric

Tough fabric bearing a nostalgic design. It

looks like it could be used to make a

paraglider.

The design looks like my old paraglider. Seems I won’t have to fear falling forever.

The music here is exactly as it used to be.

Oh wow, there’s a dude up here. At the gate.

Traveler

Step right up—come and chill!

Hot bananas, fresh off the grill!

Oh. These assholes again.

His stance looks like he’s about to fight. He does not seem like a traveling merchant.

He continues!

Traveler

Hold 'em in your hands, feel that heat!

Take a big bite, what a treat!

Em dashes and straight quotes. The last time I saw this particular combination, I was saving New Tristram.

Oh, more?

Traveler

And the flavor—like a dream! A little taste

of heaven, if you know what I mean.

Aw man, the line breaking failed. Maybe it’s better in Japanese.

Traveler

Stop right there and buy a pair!

• Grill one up for me!
• I'll pass. B⃝

“Buy a pair”. Heh. Heheh. Heheheheh.

I’ll press B to doubt.

His incredulity is breathtaking:

Traveler

What sort of icy heart does it take to turn

down a hot, freshly grilled banana?

The persistence of this guy!

Traveler

Are you going to be a lookie-loo, or will you

buy a banana or two? Just one bite and it

all begins!

I mean, one banana is only a snack. It’s probably for the best that he’s trying to feed me bananas, plural. If he were a weaker salesman and trying to sell me on eating only one banana, all I’d need to do as your humble narrator is faithfully relay his words and then turn to the camera.

• Grill one up for me!
• I'll pass. B⃝

This guy doesn’t realize I have, like, three rupees to my name.

Traveler

There’s only one place for those who deny

the joys of a grilled banana…

You know, I’m not sure if that’s a proper ellipsis in the game or not. I suppose it doesn’t really matter if I can’t tell.

Traveler

Beg the banana's forgiveness!

He wants me to get on my knees and try to please the banana?

[poof]

Now comes the inevitable fight. Wish me luck. I don’t want to get beaten by a banana. Yakov Smirnoff jokes had their second wind years ago, and now they’re doubly passé.

⁂

Take a hit, eat a snack.

Take a hit, eat a snack.

I need to get better at Perfect Dodging again. Or parrying.

Mighty Bananas

1 Fuse attack Power

½

This fruit grows mainly in tropical forests

of the Faron region. When it’s used as an

ingredient, the resulting dish will temporarily

increase your attack power.

I’m back to automatically curling quotes. Imagine they’re straight in the game.

Blue rupee. This more than doubles my cash reserves up to…7.

Purple rupee. This takes me up to 57.

Eightfold blade. This “yields more powerful sneakstrikes” than ordinary blades.

Is this a mechanic we needed?

Wasn’t there supposed to be a lake? Seems like there’s another one up here. Oh, and I got bodied by a ’lectric Wizzrobe on the way up.

Quite honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing out here. It’s not like I’ve seen any green glowing shrines.

Oh hey look, it’s the new red crap. Looks like it’s where a shrine used to be.

Great Plateau South Chasm

Looks about as deep as Kohga’s well. I’ll get that glider first.

8 PM. I’m going to skip past the stal phase and fast forward until tomorrow.

⁂

…and it’s 5 AM…and it’s raining with lightning. And of course, I wanted to climb.

I am not a speedrunner. I am not even a streamer. I will wait.

8 AM now. Here comes the sun.

Climb to the top of the tallest thing around, avoiding the aerosomethings with stones, and…

Royal Claymore

[two-handed sword] 14

A large sword, now decayed, issued to the

royal family’s guard. It’s tuned for skilled

users and yields a powerful flurry rush during

a perfect dodge.

So ad-libitum flurry rushes aren’t a thing anymore?

I’ll check on this other red hole.

I will also avoid the moblin. Looks like he has a pineapple on his head. Can’t be good, considering how much trouble I’ve been having with mere bokoblins.

Great Plateau West Chasm

I have a thing on my map for it now.

That’s enough for today.

I still don’t have a horse.

And that’s two more hours, for a total of ten.

Day 7: 2023-06-08

I could jump in. I’d die, and it’d be dumb, but I could jump in.

Let’s go around the rim, check everything out, see what’s behind that moblin, and…icefruit? And a lake?

Ice Fruit

Nailed it.

[…] and increases attack

power in cold temperatures.

Seems like a lot of the buffs in this game got nerfed.

Three arrows pointing at this lake. They have got to meet at a point. These icefruits probably make ice things I can walk on, but what do I do when I get to the middle?

First, save.

FUCK, that’s cold. Lost two and a half hearts there.

Korok. Not bad.

I’m going to move these ice blocks around with the Ultrahand. I do not want to nearly die again just because I fell in the drink briefly.

…and then the wind picked up, and now the three fused ice plates (they’re only about a foot thick) are drifting in the wind.

Oh hey, there’s a shrine in the distance.

Seems I’m not seeing very many at-ground shrines. Maybe there’s a bunch underground or something.

…aaaand…a rock just fell from the sky and landed. I can see where it is. It looks like an ordinary rock.

…and that looked like a, um, the yellow thing. Super expensive. Falls from the sky. I forget the name. No way I’ll be able to get to it in time, though.

Oh, neat. I whacked an ice keese into the water, and its corpse made an ice step.

Ice Like. Me no like.

River of the Dead Waterfall Cave

Another one of those chill wall frogs.

Brightcap

[…] Cook it into a dish to

give a glowing effect to anyone who eats it.

Oh, damn. Another Like Like.

…and there’s a shrine behind it. Buckle up, I suppose.

OK, I can’t just blast it with fire from my shield. Guess I have to use bomb arrows or something else.

…yanno what? That didn’t do a lot of damage. I’ll just run by it.

Fire and Water

Tadarok Shrine

Step 1: Don’t take a bath with a plugged-in toaster…or ball-and-chain.

Something tells me I’m going to need to keep this block.

What’s this pool of water for?

Oh, I can’t block the fire and spawn the wooden block. Gotta put the fire out.

Slightly melt the ice block, and…

Mighty Zonaite Shield

[shield] 50

[…] more efficiently use an attached

Zonai device.

Holy moly. 50 durability.

…you can climb ice, but not a wooden crate. OK then.

[probably 30 minutes of carefully maneuvering the only climbable block upwards]

I wonder if I’m expected to balance one of these extra blocks on the electricity source.

Can I stick a spare block over the edge up top? Enough to ascend through?

FUCK YEAH!

This one’s done.

⁂

Yanno what? I don’t want to bother with this like like a second time. I’m going somewhere else. Like, to farm bombs. They’re at the Bottomless Cave up in the sky, right?

Optional like like…

Semi-optional like like…let’s see if I can surf past it…

OK, don’t try to shield surf with a shield that has giant plant spikes on it.

Three more bombs. And some chicken legs. Back down.

Cook up some more at the one stable…

Let’s go to Kamizun Shrine and see if I can’t get that horse I wanted.

⁂

A Gerudo.

[…] I suggest you try going north

to Lookout Landing.

There. Here’s the Great Plateau again.

And there’s water leaking from a pile of whackable boulders…

A pathway opens. Oh, and free fish. I could always use more fish.

A⃝ Examine

You who hear my voice…

Come to me… In the Temple of Time

Ruins…up the road on the plateau to

the south…

Been there, bought the T-shirt.

Back to horse.

Silent Princess

Handy.

Oh, and it’s on a thing.

I dedicate this monument to the memory

of the souls lost to the Calamity.

-Zelda

Someone forgot the em-dash button?

HORSES!

Which ones were the fast ones, again? Unspotted, right?

And it’s raining. I’m gonna try the speedrun strat of shooting one with an ice arrow.

It worked!

Chugged a stamina potion in the nick of time…

Now to make the horse like me. With loads of apples. Hopefully it won’t just up and run away if I dismount.

Gatepost Town Ruins. I didn’t come this way. I’m saving. I do not want to lose my horse and almost ten apples.

Went by the shrine I saw. I am not dropping by here until I register my horse.

Finally get back.

Stats:

Strength: ★

Speed: ★★★

Stamina: ★★★★

Pull: ★★★

Temperament: Wild

Bond: MAX

It is brown.

The first horse is free.

I get one Pony Point. One more point until the next reward.

I have an idea. Let’s check Wikipedia…

All 143 episodes were filmed in black and white.

So much for “Mr. Ed”.

Gold hair, so not a palomino.

Nine characters allowed.

I kind of made a beeline to this guy — for some suitably elastic definition of “beeline” — so that’s what I’ll call him.

Yes, him. He’s a stallion. I checked underneath.

I type in a B, and here’s what the autosuggest suggests:

• Baba is you
• But
• Been
• Back
• Be
• Best
• By
• Business

I don’t get those kinds of suggestions from my phone. Certainly not the first one. The first one doesn’t even fit.

There, I’ll board the horse.

Kakariko Village is (still) out east. There are ring-shaped Zonai ruins that landed there.

Sounds like something to do tomorrow. Well, after I get a fourth monk booger from the shrine I tagged and later rode by.

Two more hours today, for a total of 12.

Day 8: 2023-06-09

I’ll go visit that shrine I rode by. In the morning.

5 AM, and it’s raining. Good. Makes me sneaky.

Killed my first-ever bow-wielding bokoblin. Man, that guy was hard.

All these guys are hard. I need better weapons. Maybe I should stop gluing rocks to sticks.

A rock just fell from the sky right in front of me. It seems ordinary.

Some guy told me to go to the meeting place. I’d rather see old haunts and get my ass beat.

Oh hey, there’s the Coliseum.

Let’s just go around south, and…

More bokoblins. And aerosomethings. I get into a fight with one bokoblin, I take one hit, and then I save. 750ms later, he gets me.

I’m just gonna run right past them.

…OK, the fight music is dying down. Guess I’m getting out of their jurisdiction…and the shrine I saw from the Plateau is the one right next to the Coliseum shrine I mentioned in my BotW playthrough.

I chat up a woman wearing mushroom clothes. Misko’s treasure. DLC gets mainstreamed.

Woodland Stable in Eldin has a fairy close by.

…and not two seconds later after talking with the woman, I see a giant onion bulb-shaped thing up the hill past the stable. I am not in Volcano Zone, so I don’t…maybe I am in Eldin?

Nope. This is Outskirt Stable.

Oooooiii!

Myti asks me if I’ve come to see the Great Fairy Kaysa. The answer’s “no”, but it’s nice to know where the rupee sinks are in the game.

Kaysa’s into flute music. Hmm. By Pyper. Part of the music group. Guess I need to get to Eldin.

“Tsutsu-um Shrine”. Well, that’s a name.

The Stakes Guide You

What am I supposed to do with this fan if I don’t have a parachute?

…I did all that spike placement for a dinky li’l 5-pack of arrows? I feel robbed.

I don’t think I can do this yet. I need to get up to the level above me, and…

…oh.

Now the ball is trapped in the rails. Maybe I can just shove it out…

Nope. Can’t reach that low.

Of course, it’s too far away to be ultrahanded.

Screw it. I’m coming back later. Maybe there’s an Ultrahand range upgrade.

I don’t remember any BotW shrines letting you get softsoftlocked (that is, needing to exit to reset to get the shrine back in a winnable state).

⁂

Let’s check up on the fairy. Maybe she just wants rupees.

Nope. Just flute music.

Let’s check up on one of these tall towers back past the Coliseum.

Oh, and there’s a guy putting up a sign by some piles of wood and building supplies.

Addison

I think I know where this guy is from.

OK, this guy wants some support, and I’m not fast enough with the Ultrahand. Let me try Recall…

Nope, that doesn’t work either. It’s not Recall-targetable. Do I need to git gud?

I make a structure containing a couple short flats at a 90° angle, stick a big flat on top, and then stick a 4×4 out between the two short flats, and then add a vertical 4×4 on the front side. It holds up.

Guess I just needed to git gud a different way. Took me about ten minutes.

Red Rupee

I was disappointed briefly but then I remembered I’m poor.

Oh, there’s more?

Veggie Rice Balls

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

…premium collection?

Sleepover Ticket

Free night at a stable.

Now it’s 9:25 PM.

Oh huh, it looks like most of a Zonai…car.

Let’s put the fourth wheel on in the same direction as all the others, shall we?

Lightning beast in the Coliseum. Got it.

Continuing on with my new ZONAI CAR.

Can I cross Manhala Bridge with it?

Sort of. It fell off but hung by a wheel. I was able to jump off, and now I’m portaging it across the bridge.

Wonder if it’ll be able to go up this hill…

Yes. Don’t let the moblin see me…

…oh hey, this is where the horse statue is.

One korok, a few mushrooms, and a shrine sighting later, I’m on my way again.

Another sign going up. The hooks on the back of the sign are different.

Well, that was way easier. One big flat in the hooks, stabilized with 4×4s at the base.

Red rupee, energizing mushroom rice balls, and something called a puffshroom. It sprays spores. You don’t eat it.

Drove up the rockslide end of Satori Mountain. These wheels have great traction, even in the rain.

Sonapan Shrine

…that’s a lot of apples.

Blood moon.

A pack of hightail lizards sunning themselves at 1 in the morning.

…and…shit. Wizzrobe noises.

…and he’s electric.

…and he’s not leaving me alone. Guess I’m fighting him.

…guess I’m saving now.

On one hand, that was way easier than doing it in the snow. On the other hand, his wand rolled downhill to a bokoblin. I’m not going for it.

It likes fruit? I’ll give it a golden apple.

Glowing light. let’s go to the close-by one…

Satori Cave. And it has a bomb flower in the entrance.

And a scary freaky-fast blue moblin cousin. Fuck it, I’m out.

Jeddo Bridge…I’m portaging again.

There are eight cherry-blossom trees in the world.

Dazzlefruit

A flashbang. Got it.

This might make that sneakstrike booster thing worth it…

Moving along. When the fork in the road comes, I turn left so the old perma-rain spot with the weird “trees” is on my right. I don’t go into the gash in the world.

Addison again.

Bomb flower. Not bad.

Makurukis Shrine

Still not abandoning my car.

Glendo

It’s just… I saw sunken treasure in a

pond on the hill near Ludfo’s Bog!

Good to know. I like treasure.

Addison again.

There’s a notch cut out. Let’s see if I can wedge something in there and hold it up…

I assume the wheels aren’t for this particular puzzle.

Done.

Another red rupee. I’m making bank off this guy.

Dude in a crater. He’s playing a musical instrument. I don’t recognize the crater from the first game, plus there’s an Ascendable ledge over the edge.

Looks like I’m assembling a hot-air balloon.

Well, I’ve got the right idea — it’s just that I run out of Zonai juice too fast. Maybe if I just use the balloon and blow it out the side with my fan…

Oops. The whole wagon caught on fire.

I need more Zonai juice. I’m putting a person pin here in the map and leaving him.

No wait, don’t I have Zonai-juice replacers?

Oh. I need to take him, too? All at the same time?

OK, fine.

I got up out of the hole, but too high, and I’m not sure how I’d get down. Luckily, Eustus missed the particulars of how we got down.

He’s rejoining the band.

Now then. Dude, where’s my car?

It must have de-spawned when I messed up the pit escape. Drat.

A whole three hours today, for a total of 15.

Day 9: 2023-06-10

Now then. On to Rito Village. I hope there’s a shrine handy.

Potential for falling rocks. Gabe Newell says nobody looks up. I will be a nobody and look up.

Didn’t see any while I HAD MY CAR.

Cute windmill off on the right.

Well, there’s Rito Village. It looks frozen solid.

Addison again. This one’s tall and skinny. The sign, I mean.

Spicy veggie rice balls and a bomb flower. Score!

⁂

I see a green glowing thing at the base of Rito Village. Good. If I freeze my arm off getting there, I can just nope out and come back later with warmer clothes.

First octorock.

Ahead, first lizalfos. Two of them. I’m going around.

Oromuwak Shrine

Good. The spikes catch fire, even in the cold.

There’s a stable down there. I don’t remember the local stable being down there.

Brightcap Cave. Those things on the walls spook me. I’m easily spooked.

On the other hand, I have unlimited save slots, and also homing arrows if I want them.

Sticky Lizard

The suction of its toes allows this lizard to

easily cling to walls. It could be an asset

for a climber on wet surfaces if it were mixed

into an elixir.

Score!

Man, I’m picking up these mushrooms from like 20 yards away. Why can’t I pick up rushrooms from like 5′ above my head?

The cave narrows. I save again.

One of those fast blue fuckers. Fuck it, I’m outtie.

I have six brightcaps. Sorry ladies, you’ll have to wait until the next blood moon or I grow a pair.

Shit, all this downhill and I don’t have any shields I want to burn.

Lucky Clover Gazette

Tabantha Frontier

Ooh, flint. My kleptomania will have to kick in after talking with this guy…

Oh, welcome. This is Rito Stable.

No, it’s not. It’s the Lucky Clover Gazette.

I’m sorry. Old habits die hard.

Throw pinecones onto a fire to get a whirlwind? Handy.

Traysi. The first person here who actually recognizes me. Unlike that vai trio back by the coliseum stable who expect The Hero to be super-tall and carry a giant sword.

Purah’s at Lookout Landing.

She says it’s better if I don’t tell people who I am.

…a full set of…froggy armor? I haven’t dressed up like a frog since Super Mario Bros. 3.

Traysi

With that on, it’s easy to cling to wet

surfaces—no slipping!

Oh, I have to work with Launchpad McQuack first. Fair enough.

Visit every stable. Sounds good to me.

OK, the normal Rito bridge is out.

…Addison?

There’s no pile of building materials around. New sign design, and there’s a stalnox off in the distance.

Anyhow, I’m dropping a marker at (-3556, 1549, 0137).

Pass the pile of stalnox bones, and…

…huh. A cherry tree.

That makes for the #cherry-tree:tabantha-frontier.

I’m going to start logging with tags here. In addition to #cherry-tree:satori-mountain.

West Lake Totori Cave

Big drop. I should save.

There are glowing mushrooms where the cave narrows. [waggles finger] That’s bait.

Downhill…Zonai constructs, an ice wizzrobe, and building materials a fair distance from the nearest Addison (like, on the other side of the lake Rito Village is in).

Also, a lot of bokoblins. More than I’ve ever seen in one place.

Oh, and an Addison.

Two short flat pieces at a 45° wedge and that’s enough for the wide sign.

Biting meaty rice balls. ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎, 🗡️❄️ 3:30. Could come in handy around here. How do you make meat bite, though?

⁂

Hebra Mountain Climbing Path

Lotta Rito guards.

Harth

…Do I…know him? Teba told him about me.

Oil jar

Hm.

Look up, ascend through tree stump on underside of rock, receive korok seed.

…aaaand back around to Lucky Clover Gazette.

Back to Oromuwak Shrine. “A Launching Device”.

OK, that was a fun, non-OSHA-compliant mine-cart ride.

Two rockets up, one out. Seems about right.

Nope. Mostly just takes me up. Maybe two on the back.

Behind and above me, there’s a chest. I’ll come back to it later.

Two back rockets did the trick.

And that’s four monk boogers.

Back to Makurukis Shrine. It’ll take me closer to the climbing set of Misko’s treasure.

Combat Training: Archery

Oooh, this sounds fun!

Headshot training.

That was easy.

Haul the korok back to his friend, and then…missing white goats?

…oh. I still have all my horses. They never left.

I haven’t found a replacement source of white horses, so I’ll take my first one, a perfectly adequate horse.

Runakit Shrine

I don’t want to misplace my horse, so I’m not going in.

Hyrule Ridge Chasm

I don’t want to die, so I’m not going in. At least I got the map marker.

A tower on an island in the middle of water.

I’ll save now so I can rewind time if I chug all my stamina potions and still don’t get to the top.

A Rito named Billson.

The good news? I don’t have to climb it. The bad news? I need to talk to Purah first to activate it. I’m going to savescum back my ⅖-wheel stamina potion.

Can I portage my horse? No, I cannot portage my horse.

Cado says Impa is in a hot-air balloon, and is at New Serenne Stable, to the northwest of Central Hyrule.

Spooked Juney. Figured out midway through that gluing the seals together and then taking them all back was the winning play. Had 0.00 seconds left on the timer when the buzzer whistled.

Now, to pick up those mushrooms and herbs that distracted me…

Kiuyoyou Shrine

Boy, making me work to figure out the syllable breaks for that one.

Impa’s still alive and well, and standing.

The Nazca Ruins-style things are called geoglyphs here.

Apparently this doubles as a balloon-lighting tutorial.

Looks like a Zonai sticking out its hand to the side to shake hands, but it’s looking toward the camera.

Dragon tears are marked with these.

“Near the geoglyph, or within its borders”.

Impa

If you would like to examine the geoglyph

from ground level, you can float down

with a paraglider.

Don’t rub it in, lady.

Did I…

Shit. I didn’t visit the local shrine before talking to her. And my horse is down below. Fuck.

Nope, can’t get to water. Good thing I can TP out…

Splatter, my first horse, TPs back to the stable system as mentioned in the introduction. Wild Blue, my second horse, comes out.

Oh hey, these pinecones might be leading me to something. They’re leading me into the previously perma-rainy part, and…

Goats.

I continue back around counter-clockwise around the previously perma-rainy part, and then to another Addison, who’s by where a Sheikah Tower used to be. There’s no trace of it.

Sinakawak Shrine

Back to where Impa did me dirty.

New Serenne Stable

Go south. The artist’s rendition of the beast was with one of those Faron trees around, so I guess that’s where I go if I want to tug on that thread.

Zumi got some wheels — literally — but that’s enough for today. I can get her a horse tomorrow.

Three more hours, for a total of 18.

⁂

OK, that was a good lunch. Let’s see what happens for another hour.

More horses. Now, for somebody else.

There’s a hole here.

Speedrun strat still works.

100 rupees!

Inside…tomatoes and those glowing shrooms.

X marks the spot, and…there’s a bluepee. Just sitting there. Out in the open. In broad daylight.

I shoot it once and get one blue and a few greens. It runs off to a cave that I didn’t notice before.

Gladis

These Bubbulfrog creatures are supposed

to live in caves, eh?

Oh, so that’s what they’re called.

North Hyrule Plain Cave

There’s a like like at the door.

Two. Fuck ’em. If I want to go frog hunting for some weirdoes in Eldin, I can do it elsewhere.

Fuck. Misko’s shit is probably in here. I’ll have to come back.

Across the bridge with the hinox on it. I’m not ready for something like that, and I’m not about to get baited by the stuff by him.

Oh, and there’s a shrine on a mesa. Of course, it’s raining. Fortunately, I’m not a speedrunner, and I’m typing all this up anyway.

Ishodag Shrine

There’s a nest up here. There’s a chest in the nest, but I can’t get to it because the nest has thorns in it. #undone:ishodag-shrine:just-outside

And now, a blood moon. I can get more purple glowing shrooms now.

Also, Addison.

There’s a fort. Surrounded by spikes. Sticking a diamond pin in at (-0911, -0022, 0077).

Susuyai Shrine

Looked suspicious being in the middle of a flat paved area, but I didn’t get ambushed on the way in.

Korok noises.

Zonai…wheeled heads…?

I’ll make an ATC, not an ATV. Although I really wish I had a control stick in a can…wish me luck.

I had trouble aiming down, so I figured that doing a ground pound was a good idea. Unfortunately, the plank of wood I was on couldn’t handle the SMAAAAAASH.

Fuck it, I’ll just haul his ass on foot and TP back to the shrine where I left my horse.

⁂

Oh, a big pit…and a hot-air balloon.

I got baited once before. Never again.

Jiosin Shrine

There we go.

By sheer coincidence and possibly good placement, I ran on top of some Gloom while I was standing by someone who could explain the stuff to me. You’ll auto-recover topside, but not when you’re Down There.

Finally get to the Meeting Point or whatever it’s called. Talking with Purah will wait until tomorrow.

19 hours.

Day 10: 2023-06-11

It’s technically tomorrow. Let’s see if we can fit in an hour of lore dump and horseback riding.

Everyone knows me. They want me to talk to Purah.

Now I kind of want to hear what everyone says when they tell me to buzz off and go talk to Purah.

Lurelin has a pirate problem.

Kind of a shame Mubs isn’t selling proper armor. What she has is cheap, though, and I’m still dirt-poor.

Free eggs, though. Glad I went around the top.

Poes…

Man, seeing and/or hearing about all these enemies really drives home how few different enemy types there were in Breath of the Wild compared to even Zelda 1.

Upstairs, and there’s some young girl. Oh, this is Josha.

And…well, that’s an entrance. Now I know where the racy Purah art on the Internet comes from.

I hear [ɹɑ:ɹu].

Go see a Hoz, who’s looking for me and the Princess in Hyrule Castle.

Hm. Ancient tech on top of her post. Only 10,000 years old. Comparatively new!

Purah Pad upgrades come from underground.

…do I really want to spend 120 rupees for some pants that’ll get mogged by probably anything else soon?

…nah.

Emergency shelter. Pretty cool!

Atmus basically levels the playing field between us old hands who’ve been around Hyrule and the newbies who don’t know where things are.

Oh hey, Garini. I remember that guy.

Now then. Time to pray. For stamina.

And now we head north through the gates.

⁂

I see some partially-rebuilt houses (basically only foundations at this point), and…Addison.

Kyononis Shrine

Not going in yet. Place sure looks different without all the purple crap and Guardians around.

Now, to get around the massive closed door…

…whoops, fell in the drink. Back to Kyononis Shrine.

Eventually make my way to Hoz. I see Zelda. She flies off. “Go tell Purah”, Hoz says. OK, fair enough.

She and Josha are going to boot up the Skyview Tower.

…tomorrow.

One more hour, for a total of 20.

Day 11: 2023-06-12

Let’s get this tower network up and running.

Flares. Hmm.

Purah

Only thing is, you need a paraglider when

you’re scanning.

Hoo boy.

Paraglider

This item, given to you by Purah, lets you ride

the wind and glide through the sky. Press X⃝

in midair to activate it.

The design’s different. The bit of cloth I picked up at the Temple of Time ruins looks like my old one. What’s the old cloth for, then?

Watching Purah and her mannerisms makes me think of John Scalzi’s Old Man’s War.

Uh-oh. Ancient tentacles.

…aaand, well, I think the Purah Pad’s AR technology beats what’s on even the best iPads of the current day. Pretty impressive.

OK, can I go for another ride?

I CAN! Sweet!

There was a fantastically stiff westward breeze just now midair, but I’m not seeing any of the torches blow in the wind. Not sure if it’s the game, or minor joy-con drift.

Pretty sure it’s the game.

OK, the weird stuff is happening mostly in four regions. Hebra (Ritoland), Gerudo (Gerudoland), Eldin (Goronland), and Lanayru (which is actually east of Zoraland?).

They want me to go to Rito Village first. Also, talk with the newspaper lady.

⁂

Ooh, eggs in a tree outside!

Oh, it’s raining.

…can’t I just Ascend through a branch?

I can!

⁂

Zonai ruins fell right on top of Kakariko Village. Dang.

Also, Robbie is going to be my Purah Pad upgrade guy.

Robbie says he’s going back when Josha gets her Depths Investigation sorted out…

So to upgrade my slate, I need to put together a slate jigsaw puzzle. Got it.

And Robbie’s going down there. Escort quest?

Camera?

OK, chasm to the south.

And Hoz is doing stuff. Could use some help. I’ll do that later.

⁂

The Depths

Dang. Peacock trees.

Let’s just check my map, and…

Dang. There’s an entire another world down here, just like in the sky.

How do I throw brightbloom seeds…?

A very helpful Polygon article says “hold R first, then press up on the D-pad”. I wonder if I’m going to accidentally throw any weapons doing this.

Nisoij Lightroot

Oh, nice. now I get at least a little bit of a map. I don’t think 1/d² works like this, though. I’d expect to be blinded.

Nope, can’t ascend through it. But I do get a TP point.

Brightblooms counteract gloom.

Bomb flowers!

…deep bokoblins?

(dying to a second set of deep bokoblins and a deep moblin)

Iayusus Lightroot

Ooh, these lightroots clear gloom.

Robbie

This statue… It’s standing tall on two

legs, one arm raised high…

Goal body.

Robbie then reenables my camera:

Robbie

If I remember correctly… You press this while you

pull this, and then you tap that, and…

Reminds me of remembering the difference between screenshots vs. locking vs. sysdiagnose on my phone.

Hm. No “exclamation mark in red circle” emoji.

⚠️ Statue with raised arm

Nice QoL bit. Imagine hiking out to one of the Seven Sisters and flubbing the picture.

Go back to the enemies’ base, take them out, one by one, and then take all their zonaite.

Get whacked once. As long as I can make it back to a lightroot, even if it’s already been activated, I’ll get my gloom cleared.

Back to the Lookout Landing Skyview Tower to show Josha pictures of stuff.

⁂

Robbie

Listen up! Big update here.

Your Purah Pad can be equipped with a

sensor that detects shrines.

…

Come on! Act more impressed!

Sorry, man. I’ve seen too much.

He needs to get to Hateno Village. But he’s tied up here until Josha releases him.

…whom is Josha referring to by “Doc”, again? Purah?

⁂

Back to Oromuwak shrine to get more free brightcaps.

Spicy Tomato Mushroom Stew

Not the worst food.

Something else in the north of the Hebra region, these women leak.

⁂

I never did peek into Jiosin shrine. Let’s.

Shape Rotation

Make your own roon joke.

Almost forgot about Ascend. Got the hasty elixir in the chest.

Seems like the shrine difficulty fell off.

⁂

Let’s peek in at Susuyai shrine.

A Spinning Device

Five arrows? Lame.

Although I kind of had to use one of ’em at the end there.

Another two hours, for a total of 22.

Day 12: 2023-06-14

Let’s see if we can bang out an un-done shrine or three.

But first, bomb flower farming.

I can get to more now that I have a glider.

Let’s check in on the mining cave…dang, I need 90 more. I’m starting a shopping list.

And here’s a Magnesis-able chest…some kind of mega zonai charge.

What’s this spinning eyeball…?

Flux Construct I

Oh, a Talus-tier enemy!

Your rock hammer is badly damaged.

Oh, it’s going to be one of THOSE fights, eh?

Maybe not. I pulled out a rock axe and that was enough to finish it off.

Micropanicked a bit when it did the Rubik’s Cube thing and put the vulnerable block on the inside.

It left some Zonai charges, some boxed fans, and…this rotating thing.

Maybe I should glue it to that one Zonai stick…

Sweet! And it’s one-handed, too!

OK, back to the Zonaite forge.

This guy can pump out 10 crystallized zonaite per blood moon.

Off to Sinakawak Shrine.

⁂

Oops, a bit too far away from the edge…good thing I have my GLIDER.

Lifting the big ball with two hot-air balloons at 90° away from each other gives me…an opal.

Hey, it’s my first in years. I shouldn’t sneer at it too much…

I still have no idea why they’re throwing torches at me like I might need them. Can I snuff out the candles accidentally?

Four Lights of Blessing. Nice.

Let’s try Runakit Shrine next.

⁂

Built to Carry

Yeah, I’m expected to have the glider for this one.

OK, it rolls down…

Hey look, a giant stone lollipop!

…how do I get the chest?

Put the ball right there, then see if the flat pieces are long enough if stuck together…

That’s it.

…aaand I should’ve jumped off the ball onto the ladder. There goes a heart.

…and I jump off the ball, miss the ladder, and lose another heart.

Construct Bow

Bleh. At least I got the cheevo.

Stumped again.

…maybe if I make a three-part, open hook?

Yup. That was superlatively satisfying.

Now for another monk boo…Light of Blessing? Light of Blessing. I’m learning!

That’s enough for tonight. Note to self: cash in the Lights of Blessing for another fifth of a stamina wheel.

One more hour, for a total of 23.

Shopping List

• More battery: 100 crystallized charges (have 20; get 10/BM)

Epilogue

I’m not done yet, so this is a placeholder.

⏚

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