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Welcome to the finale of the Bachelorette, where the contestants are hot and the prize is an engagement no one seems to want. These last few episodes have been a masterclass in men trying to break a game they signed up to play and learning the hard way that they can't, no matter how muscular and charming they are.
For the live finale we're joined by Jesse, Rachel, and Gabby in studio. Both women (and Jesse) looked great, but I swear Rachel looked different. I couldn't put my finger on precisely what it was, but something was off, and the feeling grew as we watched the episode and we'd get a picture-in-picture of live Rachel and show Rachel. Maybe I'm totally off, but it was very noticeable to me.
After some intros and more Jesse hyperbole about how dramatic and shocking this finale will be, we pick-up where we left off with Zach pulling Rachel aside at the Rose ceremony. Zach tells Rachel he felt blindsided, that the Rachel he fell in love with wasn't the Rachel he talked to during Fantasy Suites. Rachel has a quasi-stunned look on her face that turns to full stunned as Zach self-eliminates.
I have to say, I felt kind of bad for Zach. He was in deep with Rachel, and seemed genuinely distraught as he left. And one thing was for certain as they went back-and-forth at the Rose ceremony and after as Rachel freaked out about Zach 'questioning her character', Rachel was not feeling Zach.
When we cut back to the live studio, Rachel and Jesse are joined by Zach to 'talk it out'. But what we really got was a lot of Zach apologizing. Rachel repeats over and over, from this point til the end of the episode, that she wants clarity. What clarity means to Rachel seems to change according the guy she's talking to. For Zach, it meant an excuse to dump him, and that gave us, the audience, the clarity we needed about where Rachel's head is at.
The whole scene was boring and frankly upsetting. I did not enjoy seeing Zach grovel, though I understand why he did. All these things happened so long ago in real time that I'm sure he's over it and just wants to move on. And after more declarations about how dramatic this finale will be from Jesse, we head into 'meet the family' time.
We start with Aven and his dark pit stains meeting Rachel's parents and 'opinionated' best friends. Rachel's dad 'Big Tony' must have a reputation from last season as Aven nervously hands him a box of cigars to help break the ice. However, things between Aven and Tony go pretty well and Aven seems to get off on the right foot.
But, as per usual, things quickly go awry. It turns out Jason wasn't the only one trying to win the final rose without an engagement. Aven tells Rachel's friends that he knows he wants to be with Rachel even after the show, but he's not sure he's ready for an engagement just yet. The editors gave Rachel the Gabby-Jason treatment of cutting between Aven's declaration of non-engagement and Rachel's dogged assurance of Aven's readiness for an engagement.
Well, predictably, Rachel's friends tell her what Aven said and Rachel in incensed. We then get a very long back-and-forth between Aven and Rachel about whether Aven lied about being ready for an engagement during fantasy suites.
We keep coming back to this theme of guys not knowing what the show is and trying to get the girl without an engagement. Later on we cut to Rachel meeting Aven a few days later in his room where they're at loggerheads once again about the possibility of an engagement at the end of the show, which results in another break-up. And unlike Zach's departure, Rachel is absolutely overcome with emotion. I genuinely believe that if Aven just played the game and said he'd get fake-engaged, she would have picked him.
When we cut back to the studio we're joined by Aven, and he follows in Zach's footsteps with profuse apologies to Rachel for something or other. I stopped paying attention at some point because it was all getting quite boring. Jesse tried his best a couple of times to stir the pot, but neither the guys nor Rachel took the bait.
I skipped over Erich meeting Gabby's family because it was boring and uneventful. However, when we get the picture-in-picture of live Gabby over the lovey-dovey scenes of her and Erich in the show, her deadpan expression definitely foreshadowed unpleasantness to come.
Tino's family meeting was also a snoozefest. He was extremely nervous and had difficulty getting any words out in the beginning, however as he got more comfortable he was able to eloquently talk about why he loved Rachel and how he sees their life together after the show.
Now, if you're keeping track at home, we are down to one guy for Rachel, Tino, and one guy for Gabby, Erich. At this point I was ready for the episode to end and for us to reconvene next week. What happened instead was Gabby directly confronting Erich about whether he was ready for an engagement and Erich telling Gabby, to her face, that he just wants to date her. Gabby storms out crying and upset and it appears we lost another one.
What is wrong with these guys?! Aside from Zach, have any of them watched a single episode of the show they signed up for? The entire premise is for the Bachelor or Bachelorette to get ENGAGED! I get that it's not logical or normal, but this is reality TV, it's not supposed to be.
With every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. And in this case, the guys' reluctance to get engaged is met with Rachel's and Gabby's obsession with an engagement, to the point where Gabby seems to tie her lovability to a proposal from someone on this backwards television show.
It's all so ridiculous and this season is just all over the place. I can't believe I just wrote over a thousands words about an episode of television I didn't particularly enjoy, but here we are.
This episode was less entertaining and more frustrating. Rachel is a mess and I'm not enjoying her as Bachelorette at all, and though I like Gabby, this season's been a mess for her too. Hopefully all the drama and shock is back-loaded in the finale, because at this rate I might be pulling Jesse aside to ask if he really meant what he said about this being the most dramatic finale in Bachelor history.