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2013-06-19 10:05:19
Chana R Schoenberger
Q: My boss gossips to me about my colleagues, who also report to him. He
denigrates their work and generally belittles them. I feel like a privileged
insider when he does this, but I realize he is most likely saying similar
things to them about me, so I don't trust him. What can I do?
A: It can be exhilarating to be the boss s trusted gossip pal. In an office,
where information is currency, hearing your manager s poor opinion of your
co-workers can make you feel great, in a schadenfreude sort of way. For a
moment, you might feel like you're doing a better job than they are. But you re
right: if he talks this way about them to you, it s a safe bet you re also on
his list.
The first victims of scapegoating and blame in a workplace are never the last,
said Ben Dattner of Dattner Consulting in New York City, an organizational
psychologist and author of The Blame Game: How the Hidden Rules of Credit and
Blame Determine Our Success or Failure.
While studies show we connect better with people when sharing dislikes rather
than sharing likes, it s a bad idea to base your relationship with your boss on
how poorly he believes the rest of his direct reports are performing. It can
also hurt your relationships with others in the workplace.
Resist the desire to join your boss in his trash-talking. Word gets around in
an office, so don t say anything behind your colleagues backs that you wouldn
t say to them directly. If you feel compelled to comment in response to your
badmouthing boss, be positive.
Focus on the strengths of your colleagues, Dattner said.
Duck and cover
It is best to avoid situations in which your boss can drag you into disparaging
conversations. Try being with him only when others are present. Don't go out
for lunch just the two of you; invite others to meetings (For instance, you
might say, "Let's ask Tara to join so she can fill us in on that project as
well.").
If you see your boss by the coffee pot, do a 180-degree turn and head toward
the supply closet instead.
Of course, there are some cases in which superiors do not realize how their
behaviour is affecting the team. If you are lucky enough to have a manager who
seems open to suggestion, try redirecting the conversation to a discussion of
practical solutions.
When your boss trashes your colleagues, you may want to try to get him to
focus on how to support or coach them to perform better in the future, rather
than focusing on their difficulties in the past, said Dattner. Get him to
consider how he might constructively intervene to help set them up for success
rather than failure.
You could, for instance, remind him of the achievements of particular
colleagues. And it doesn't hurt to sandwich in some positives to keep the boss
from becoming defensive. Try praising him for decisions he s made that have
helped struggling co-workers succeed.
If these approaches don't work over the long term, ask for a transfer and keep
finding good reasons to avoid one-on-one encounters.
Work Ethic is a twice-monthly column on BBC Capital in which we consider the
ethical and interpersonal dilemmas that workers face around the world. We
welcome questions from readers at workethic@bbc.com.