💾 Archived View for sud0nim.smol.pub › feeling-alone-again captured on 2023-06-16 at 16:32:08. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2022-07-16)
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It's Syd's birthday today.
I broke up with her over 6 months ago. I'm glad I did because I'm a lot more honest with myself now, but sometimes I miss her , or not her but being in a relationship. I just know if I didn't break up with her, I would have had a really good day and I would be laying down beside her now instead of being a mopey loser writing this.
God I miss the touch of a woman. I miss the cold, slender fingers running down my skin. I miss the warm embrace of another being, holding me while holding her and basking in the heat of our love for one another. I miss the smell of her, covering everything she owned. I miss the brief dampness of a kiss, quickly drying but still leaving its presence.
I went to a concert tonight, my first concert actually. I really liked the music but I kept being reminded of my loneliness by the hair of the woman who was sitting in front of me. When she sat back, it would brush against my bare leg and remind me of when Syd's hair would brush me. She was with 2 other girls and a guy. The guy was with one of the other girls and when a slower song started playing, I watched them kiss in envy. I watched the couples in Savemart with the same envy. I see them walking the aisles and think of all the fun nights I had with Syd, buying snacks at Safeway before they closed at 11:00.
I miss being in love.
There's been a rough patch with the dating apps. Matching with someone, talking with them for a day, then having them disappear. I just wish I was better so someone would like me. I've been working on me a lot recently. Mostly just exercising but also just trying to adopt better habits.
My roommate's girlfriend has been over for the past few days. I'm really happy for them. I like her and after not getting along at first, we are now doing better. We went on our first just me and her outing today and it went pretty well. We chatted and swapped stories. I just wish I could have someone to cuddle with every night. He takes her for granted. Not actually, he treats her well but you can tell she wishes he'd show his love a little bit more. Sometimes I just want to yell at him and tell him to tell her how amazing she is. Hearing their giggles in the other room hurts more than anything.
Here's hoping my luck changes.