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Playing Again

I'm finally playing in an orchestra again, and it's two days until my first concert! I'm excited and a bit nervous.

I started playing the trumpet at the age of 8, after I was told I'm too small to learn the clarinet, and must play the recorder for at least a year first. I don't know if this makes any sense, because trumpets are heavy: small children often hold the trumpet's bell with the knee and that's a great way to ensure your tone is dull. That's what I did, at least, and it took several years to get rid of this habit.

I've been playing first chair in the same wind ensemble and a big band for many years, since the age of 11 if I remember correctly. But things have changed for me: at some point, I moved in with my partner (we're married today), and started my MA studies. The pressure to finish up work so I can leave the office early, the long rides to the rehearsals, the shorter rehearsals (because I had to leave in time for the last bus) and the long rides back home in the darkness have taken their toll on my stamina. It's hard to relax so many muscles when you're stressed, and you develop bad playing habits when you play only in stressful situations. I tried multiple instruments and mouthpieces, but my tone became so dark and raspy I felt like I can't play lead jazz or classical pieces anymore. And then came the pandemic, which made things so much worse, because many rehearsals were cancelled and we haven't had any concerts for over a year. And if that's not enough, other medical issues I have, which don't react well to stress, became much worse.

Lately, I started playing in a well-known orchestra, not very far from home. I joined this orchestra after a break of half a year or so, so I can adjust to medication with side effects that interfere with playing. My health is finally under control (after about 5 years of suffering), my current job is very flexible and the rehearsals are only 20-30 minutes away from home. I sense the beginning of a positive feedback loop, where my playing gets better every week, and I'm having more fun and can express myself better.

Most players are older than me, and the conductor tends to take long and relatively hard orchestra pieces. We're five or six trumpeters, but most pieces have 1 to 3 cornet parts and 1 to 3 trumpet parts. I play 2nd trumpet and accompany the "cornet" players more often than not. It's not amazing, but I still haven't reached the point I must play lead to maintain my technique. In addition to recovering my trumpet technique, I want to become a good doubler. The conductor and I agreed to make me a solo flugelhorn player after this concert, so I'll play flugelhorn in pieces that have a flugelhorn part, and 2nd or 3rd trumpet in those that don't. I see lots of opportunities for learning and enjoyment ahead, and that's priceless.