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Lifetime Horoscope Aquarius: Jan20 - Feb 13 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a lot. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid. Pisces: Feb 19 - Mar 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA, KGB, and FBI. You have a minor influence over associates and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally afraid to do anything. Pisces people often have sex with small animals. Aries: Mar21 - Apr 19 You are the planner type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick. Taurus: Apr 20 - May 20 You're practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. In actually, you are nothing but a damn communist. Gemini: May 21 - June 20 You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest. Cancer: June 21 - July 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off, and that is why you will always be on welfare and never worth a dime. Leo: July 23 - Aug 22 You consider yourself a born leader, while others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot take criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards. Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22 You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is excessive and sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make excellent bus drivers and pimps. Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22 You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If your are a man, you are more than likely gay. Changes of employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women make excellent whores. All libras will eventually die of veneral disease. Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21 You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnalce of success because of your lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a bitch. Most scorpios are mentally retarded. Saggitarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of saggitarius are drunks and dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting fucked. Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19 You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for very long periods of time, as they tend to attract pigeons.