💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › COMPUTER › realco.hum captured on 2023-07-10 at 19:09:39.
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//////////////////////// REAL COMPUTERS \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
//////////////////// WRITTEN BY MATT GERTNER \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
///////// CALL THE RAINBOW'S END - (203)-453-1089 10PM-6AM \\\\\\\\
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////////////////// (C)1985, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
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\ THE IDEA FOR THIS FILE GOES PARTIALLY TO WHOEVER WROTE "REAL \
\ PIRATES". THANX. \
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IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT AMONG THE USERS OF HIGH QUALITY COMPUTER
EQUIPMENT THAT CAN BE FOUND ON MOST BBSS, THERE ARE A FEW USING SUCH TOYS AS
THE COCO, ATARI AND (HA HA) TIMEX SINCLAIR. TO SEPERATE THESE UNFORTUNATES
FROM THE REST OF HUMANITY, I HAVE PRODUCED THIS LIST. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL
CLEAR UP ANY DOUBTS YOU MAY HAVE ABOUT WHAT IS A REAL COMPUTER...
- REAL COMPUTERS HAVE REAL KEYBOARDS
- REAL COMPUTERS DON'T TAKE HOURS TO SAVE A PROGRAM.
CORROLARY: REAL COMPUTERS HAVE A DISK DRIVE.
CORROLARY OF THE CORROLARY: THE ATARI IS NOT A REAL COMPUTER.
- REAL COMPUTERS HAVE ENOUGH MEMORY TO STORE BOTH BASIC AND A PROGRAM.
CORROLARY: REAL COMPUTERS HAVE AT LEAST 64K.
- REAL COMPUTERS DON'T USE INPUT DEVICES NAMED AFTER RODENTS.
- REAL COMPUTERS CAN DISPLAY 80 COLUMNS.
THIS ABILITY SHOULD BE AVAILABLE TO THE OPERATOR WITHOUT REQUIRING THE
PURCHASE OF A HIGH POWER MAGNIFYING LENS.
- REAL COMPUTERS AREN'T MISTAKEN FOR DOORSTOPS.
- THE OWNERS OF REAL COMPUTERS RECOGNIZE THE OWNERS OF TOYS AND DON'T
ASSOCIATE WITH THEM.
- THE OWNERS OF TOY COMPUTERS LIKE TO PRETEND THAT THEY OWN A REAL
COMPUTER, BUT NO ONE IS FOOLED.
- WHEN A REAL COMPUTER BREAKS DOWN, IT IS SENT TO BE FIXED. WHEN A TOY
COMPUTER BREAKS, THE OWNER BUYS A NEW ONE.
- REAL COMPUTERS ARE STILL ON THE MARKET.
CORROLARY 1: THE TI 99 IS NOT A REAL COMPUTER.
CORROLARY 2: THE COLECO ADAM IS NOT A REAL COMPUTER.
- THE OWNERS OF REAL COMPUTERS DON'T BRAG ABOUT HOW GOOD THEY ARE; PEOPLE
ALREADY KNOW.
- THE OWNERS OF REAL COMPUTERS DON'T SPILL COKE ON THE KEYBOARD OF THEIR
COMPUTER.
CORROLARY: THE OWNERS OF TOY COMPUTERS DON'T TOUCH TYPE.
- PEOPLE WITH TOY COMPUTERS LIKE TO TELL OWNERS OF REAL COMPUTERS THAT THEIR
COMPUTER IS BETTER THAN THAT OF THE REAL COMPUTER OWNER; SOME OF THESE JOKES
ARE QUITE FUNNY.
- YOU CAN DROP A TOY COMPUTER AND IT WILL BREAK. YOU CAN'T LIFT A REAL
COMPUTER.
- THE OWNERS OF REAL COMPUTERS AREN'T NECESSARILY SMARTER THAN OWNERS OF TOY
COMPUTERS... SOMETIMES THEY JUST SEEM TO BE.
- REAL COMPUTER OWNERS AREN'T AFRAID TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT KIND OF COMPUTER THEY
OWN. TOY COMPUTER OWNERS ARE TOO STUPID TO CARE.
- REAL COMPUTERS DON'T USE A TV AS A MONITOR.
- MURPHY'S LAW OF TOY COMPUTERS:
ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG IS PATENTED BY TIMEX.
- SOME TOY COMPUTERS ARE VERY GOOD AT RUNNING GAMES. THESE COMPUTERS,
HOWEVER, ARE INFERIOR IN GAME QUALITY TO MOST HOME VIDEO GAMES AND
COST TWICE AS MUCH.
- BEING USED BY A TOY COMPUTER OWNER MAY TURN A REAL COMPUTER INTO A TOY
COMPUTER, BUT THE REVERSE IS NEVER TRUE.
- TOY COMPUTERS DON'T RUN WORD PROCESSORS, AND WOULDN'T HAVE ENOUGH DISK
SPACE TO HOLD THIS FILE ANYWAY, SO WE NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A TOY
COMPUTER OWNER WRITING "REAL TOY COMPUTERS"...
I HOPE THIS CLEARS THINGS UP. AND IF ANY OF YOU TOY COMPUTER OWNERS OUT
THERE CAN READ, I HOPE YOU AREN'T INSULTED BY THIS FILE!
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