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Here you are, mild-mannered Arthur Dent, about to start the worst day of your
life, although you don't know that...yet! Actually, the day is already getting
off to a bad start, since you've just woken up in the dark, with a really bad
headache (and it's all downhill from here).
The first thing you need to do is stand up and turn on the light. That's a
little better, anyway! Or maybe not, since you're having a hard time getting
coordinated. Grab the dressing gown and put it on, then look in the pocket. Ah,
an analgesic! Take that, then get the screwdriver and the toothbrush, and head
South to the porch (did you hear a tree fall? Rather omnious, isn't it?).
Here you find something no modern home should be without: junk mail. Take the
mail, and go on outside. Uh-oh! There's a very big bulldozer on its way to
level your home, and there's Prosser standing by, watching it all. Are you
going to take this lying down?
You bet you are! That's the only way to stop it: lie down in front of the
bulldozer. No matter how close the thing gets, don't panic; it won't run you
over (of course, in a short time, it really won't matter what happens to the
house, but you don't know that yet). Just wait awhile until Ford Prefect shows
up (read the junk mail while you wait).
Ford seems a trifle preoccupied with the sky, but he is aware enough of you to
try and give you back your towel. Don't take it, or he'll leave and you will be
a lot worse off than you ever imagined (can things be worse than this? They
sure can!).
Instead of taking the towel, ask Ford about your home. He will eventually come
to his senses, and realize what is going on. When that happens, he will be able
to persuade Prosser to take your place in front of the bulldozer while the two
of you head off to the pub to hoist a few.
As soon as Prosser takes your place, go South and West to the pub. Buy a
cheese (?) sandwich while you wait for him to arrive (when you read the
description, you'll understand about the "?"). When Ford gets there, he'll buy
you a few beers. Drink only three of them.
Around about the time you've finished the third one, there will be a loud
crash. In fact, it's the sound of your home being demolished by the bulldozer
(that will teach you to trust anyone who wears a digital watch!). Don't take
that sitting down, leave the pub and return to where your house used to be.
Along the way, you'll see a starving dog.
While you may wonder if anything could eat that sandwich and survive, give it
to the dog, who will (amazingly!) enjoy it immensely, ignoring a microscopic
space fleet that whizzes past (remember that fleet). Then continue on to the
ruins of your home (Ford will be right behind you).
And just about now, to put a perfect ending to a perfect day (which has just
barely begun), the Vogon construction ships appear, to demolish the Earth to
make way for a new Hyper-space Bypass (hmmm, maybe Ford wasn't kidding when he
said he was from another planet, or that Earth would be destroyed in a short
time).
Still, don't panic...wait until Ford drops the Sub-etha signalling device.
There won't be much time after that, so pick up the device, push the green
button (if you dropped the Aunt's thing, have no fear: it will turn up again
later), and you will be in....the dark.
Get used to that, you'll be spending a lot of time there before this adventure
is over. Notice that, at first, you can't do much. All your five senses seem to
be out of order. However, if you wait, and read the descriptions very
carefully, you will see that eventually, it mentions only 4 of your senses. The
one that's missing is the one you can use. Keep this in mind, it will come in
handy later.
Right now, your nose seems to be working again, so smell. Sniff, sniff. Ugh!
Whatever it is, it sure is strong! You are also now dimly aware of a shadow, so
look at it. Well, well, it turns out to be Ford Prefect! And, looking around,
you find yourself in the hold of a Vogon ship. Certainly better than being on
Earth (or where Earth used to be).
There's a glass case with an Atomic Vector Plotter inside, but don't bother
with it yet. You have something else to do first, namely, obtain a Babel Fish.
That shouldn't be hard, right? All you need to do is push the button on the
dispensing machine, and you'll have one, right? Hehehehehehe!
Those Babel Fish are pretty slippery characters (but, you may have found that
out already for yourself!). And the cleaning robots are certainly no help; they
seem to have only one mission in life: grabbing your Fish away from you. Well,
we really can't let that happen!
So, first thing to do is remove your gown and hang it on the hook. Now, wait
for Ford to curl up, then get the towel and the satchel. Put the towel over the
drain, and the satchel in front of the robot panel. Now comes the part that
drives most people crazy: they don't know how to stop the upper-half-of-the-
room cleaning robot. But, it's so simple: just put the junk mail on top of the
satchel.
Now you can push the button! Then step back and watch the Rube Goldberg
shenanigans, which end with the Babel Fish stuck solidly in your ear (squish!).
Bet you never thought outer space would be like this! However, now that you
have the Fish, you'll be able to understand anyone who talks to you.
By the way, somewhere along the line, you will get a message that one of the
phrases you've used was instrumental in starting a war that wiped out most of a
small galaxy. There is nothing you can do about this; no matter how you try, it
will come to pass. Rather unfortunate, isn't it? Even more unfortunate, sooner
or later, the survivors will figure out how that happened, and they will be
looking for revenge....but more about that charming prospect later.
Right now, press the switch on the case. This will tell you what the code word
is that will open the case so you can snatch the plotter. Make careful note of
what word is required; it is chosen randomly each time. Too bad you have to
listen to some pretty rotten poetry to get the word.
Speaking of poetry, in a short while, you and Ford will be hustled into the
Captain's quarters, and strapped into Poetry Appreciation Chairs (worser things
could happen, but right now, you probably can't think of any). After the Vogon
Captain has tortured you with the first verse, grit your teeth and enjoy the
poetry. He will then, to your dismay, read you the next verse.
While you could easily live without hearing it, in this case, you do need to
listen so you know the word to type in. Fortunately, after the second verse,
you don't have to enjoy the poetry. Unfortunately, since you survived both
verses, the Captain is going to have you and Ford shoved out the airlock (you
have now found something worse than appreciating Vogon poetry).
While Ford tries to talk the guard out of spacing the two of you, type in the
word from the poem. You must put quotes around the word, or it won't go
through. Then get the plotter when the case opens. Now just wait awhile, and
you and Ford will soon be in the airlock, with very little time left.
In fact, time has just run out, and there you are in the depths of space.
Lucky for you, the Guide explained how to survive all of 30 seconds out there!
Well, perhaps not so lucky, since, considering the vastness of space, it's
quite improbable that another ship will come by to pick you up before the 30
seconds run out. So naturally, 29 seconds later, the Heart of Gold (the HOG)
comes past and picks you up.
There you are in the dark again. Wait and watch the display, until it no
longer says you can't hear. Then listen, and you will hear the sound of the
star drive. Now it gets cute: the program will lie to you, and say there is an
exit to port. Don't you believe it! Go Aft instead, and you will be in Entry
Bay 2. You can ignore the brochure, if you like.
Go Aft again, and you're in the Fore End of the corridor. Here, Ford will find
you you, and take you up to the bridge, where you meet Zaphod and Trillian.
Actually, you've seen them both before, at a party you attended a short time
ago. While you listen to the chatter between Zaphod and Ford, you can begin to
drop some items here.
You can drop the plotter, screwdriver, gown, and signalling device. By this
time, everyone else has gone to the sauna, leaving you alone on the Bridge with
Eddie, the shipboard computer. Don't mind Eddie, he's a little over-protective,
but he's a good sort at heart. In fact, you can pretty much ignore him, as well
as Marvin the Paranoid Robot, although Marvin will be important much later on
(depressing as that may sound).
Ok, time to prepare for some pretty weird happenings! First you'll need the
spare improbability drive. So, go down, then Aft. Keep going Aft. The program
will tell you that the Engine Room is dangerous. It LIES! Don't listen to it,
just keep going Aft. Eventually, you'll get there.
Of course, as soon as you're there, you'll want to look around. The program
will tell you there is nothing to see. That, too, is a lie! Keep looking, and
you'll find that there are some things to see here, especially the spare drive.
Don't worry about the tools for now; you can leave them where they are.
Once you have the drive, go back to the Fore End corridor, then head Port
where you'll find the Nutrimat (try consulting the Guide about the Nutrimat).
Touch the pad, and you will be provided with a delicious (?) cup of advanced
tea substitute. Fortunately, you don't have to drink it. Take the cup (ignore
the carton, it's useless) and return to the bridge.
Drop the cup and the drive. Now, plug the small plug in to the small
receptacle, and put the plotter's dangly bit into the tea substitute. Ok, you
are about to have some pretty strange experiences, but before you throw the
switch, some words of advice and caution.
There are five scenarios (all rather short, but all of them important), that
have to be completed. They come up in random order, so each one has its own
little section of the walkthru. The lead-in to each of them is that familiar
dark area, where you have to wait until one of your senses is working again.
You will be in the dark area again when the scenario ends (and you will have to
listen for the drive sound), which will then bring you back to the HOG.
Also, be aware there are times that you may briefly go back to one of the
scenarios you have already completed. You just sort of bounce in and out of
those, but you do have to spend time waiting in the dark. I couldn't find a way
around this, so you'll just have to live with it. Finally, it's a good idea to
save the game after you complete each scenario, just in case. With that said,
it's time, so push the switch!
The Bugblatter Beast
When you come out of the dark, you find yourself in the Lair of the dreaded
Bugblatter Beast. You are here for a purpose, so you'll just have to do
something about the Beast. Consulting the Guide tells you that Bugblatters are
incredibly stupid, which is certainly the case. In the meantime, the Beast is
bearing down on you, demanding your name. Don't be shy, introduce yourself,
then run like heck East out of the Lair.
Pick up one of the sharp stones, and then cover your head with the towel. Old
Buggy is so dumb, he thinks that, since you can't see him, he can't see you.
But, this won't last for very long, so you have to fool him, and quickly. Lucky
for you, this isn't hard.
Carve your name on the Bugblatter's memorial. When he sees the name there, he
will think he's already eaten you, which is why he can't see you (dumb may be
an understatement here). The Beast will then curl up for a nap, leaving you
free(after removing the towel!) to re-enter the Lair and then go SouthWest.
Here you will find the skeleton of some poor soul clutching a Nutrimat
Computer Interface Card. Take the card, and just wait around for awhile. You
will be mistakenly captured as a Bugblatter Beast (talk about insults!), but
you will eventually be freed, and have some other adventures along the way,
before you find yourself back in the dark again.
When you get back to the HOG, you can drop the asteroid paint chipper and the
interface card in the Fore End before going up to the Bridge (you'll need the
interface later, but there's no need to drag it around with you now). Once on
the Bridge, push the switch again, and you'll be back in the dark.
Trillian
The dark ends with something liquidy to the touch. In fact, you find your
fingers bathing in a glass of wine. Coming to your senses, you realize that you
are now Trillian, and you are at the party where you (she?) met both Arthur and
a mysterious man named Phil.
Take a good look at Arthur, and you will see he has a huge ball of fluff on
his jacket. Just what you want, but your hands are full. Drop the plate you're
holding, and get the fluff. Open your handbag and put the fluff in it, then get
the plate again (otherwise, the pushy hostess won't leave you alone).
Now, all you need to do is wait, trying not to be bored to tears by Arthur's
feeble attempts at conversation. Give Phil a look, and shortly he will come
over, and take you out to his scooter. As you blast off, everything once again
becomes.....dark.
Ford
Now you find yourself standing in a country lane, holding a satchel. The place
looks familiar. In fact, it's the lane outside Arthur's home, and this time you
seem to be Ford Prefect.
Those Vogons will be arriving soon, so there's not much time. Open the
satchel, and take the satchel fluff, the towel, and the sub-etha signalling
device. Go North, and there you will see Arthur lying in front of the
bulldozer.
With a certain feeling of deja vu, you offer him the towel. However, instead
of taking it, he asks you about his home. You suddenly realize what is going on
(not that it really matters, considering what will shortly happen!). In a
moment of magnanimity (or possibly madness), you decide to take Arthur
hitchhiking with you.
But first, you have to deal with Prosser. Go over to him, and ask him to lie
down in front of the bulldozer. He'll make a little fuss, but you'll manage to
persuade him. Now, you and Arthur can hurry over to the pub, and drink some
beer (remember to buy peanuts).
Sit there, drinking your beer (no more than three!), meditating on why Arthur
is taking the imminent demise of the world so calmly, until the house falls and
Arthur goes tearing out.
Follow him to the ruins of his home. Drop the satchel, and put the satchel
fluff on top of it. Now wait. The Vogon ships will appear, the winds will pick
up, and you'll start fumbling with the device.
Oops! You just dropped it! Fortunately, it rolls over by Arthur, who picks it
up and looks at it. Also fortunately, Arthur manages to push the right button,
and everything becomes....dark.
Zaphod
You come out of the dark to find that you're now Zaphod Beeblebrox, the
President of the Universe. In fact, you're on your way to steal the Heart of
Gold (with a little help from Trillian).
As your speedboat zooms towards its destination, search the seat carefully and
you will find seat fluff and a key. The key opens the toolbox, but you don't
need to do that now. Just make sure you take the box; you might be needing it
later.
Now, if you continue on your present course, you'll never make it between the
cliffs and the spire (or maybe you know that already). The trick is to make the
auto-pilot do the hard work, so steer the boat towards the rocky spire.
The spire gets closer...closer....closer....and then, at last! the auotpilot
wakes up, just in time, and steers you to safety! Whew, that was a close one.
Ok, now you can stand up and go North to the Dais, where the dedication
ceremonies will be held.
Wait around, enjoying the cheers of the crowd (read the banner if you like),
until Trillian appears. She will jump out of the crowd, and hold a gun to one
of your heads. The guards are a little hesitant about what to do, so now's your
chance: tell them not to shoot.
After a few moments, they will drop their rifles into a pile..just what you've
been waiting for. Tell Trillian to shoot the rifles. As the weapons disappear,
you and Trillian make a break for the HOG! You made it!! But...everything seems
to be getting....dark.
Ok, now you should have collected the four fluffs, the ultra-plasmic awl, the
paint chipper, the nutrimat computer interface, and the tool box. After you
have done the last scenario (whichever one that is), don't go back to the
Bridge. Pick up the interface, and go to the Nutrimat. It's tea time!
Open the panel on the Nutrimat, remove the circuit board, and replace it with
the interface. Now, touch the pad. With a clearer idea of just what it is you
want, the Nutrimat begins to have some problems. Its own limited circuitry
can't handle it (well, it's just a dumb machine, after all), so it ties into
the main shipboard computer.
Don't spend time here watching the Nutrimat go through its gyrations. Head for
the bridge, and plug the large plug into the large receptacle. The moment is
almost here: the HOG has arrived at the legendary lost planet of Magrathea, and
the natives aren't friendly.
In fact, they are sending up a bunch of missiles to vaporize the HOG (hmmm,
they really AREN'T friendly!). Now, push the switch on the spare drive. Wow!
Talk about improbabilities! The missiles have turned into a giant sperm whale!
After accepting the congratulations of Ford, Zaphod, and Trillian (who
conveniently disappear into the sauna again), return to the Nutrimat, where you
will find, at last, a cup of REAL tea. Get the cup (you will drop the No Tea),
but don't drink it!! Bring it to the Bridge.
Drop the real tea (you will automatically pick up the No Tea). Remove the
dangly bit from the tea substitute, and put it in the real tea. You have one
more little trip to make. First, however, drop everything you are carrying
except the Babel Fish and the Aunt's Thing (yes, you have it again, you just
can't get rid of it).
Push the switch on the Drive. After a short stay in the dark, you will find
yourself in the whale's tummy (it may, however, take more than try to get here,
but you will make it eventually). There's a flowerpot here! Get the pot, and
put it in the Aunt's Thing. Now, wait around (you really don't have a choice),
and soon you will be in the dark again.
Ah, back on the HOG at last. If you take inventory, you'll notice you don't
have the Aunt's Thing. Don't panic! It will, as always, turn up. In the
meantime, go around picking up the various fluffs. The Zaphod fluff, along with
the tool box, will be by the hatch. Trillian's, of course, is in her handbag,
and Ford's is on the satchel, and the last one is in the pocket of your gown
(unless you took it out earlier and dropped it somewhere).
The Aunt's Thing has reappeared by now, so go up to the Bridge. Take the
flowerpot, plant all four fluffs, drop the pot, and wait awhile. When you see a
tiny sprout has formed, take the pot into the sauna. When you emerge, a changed
man, you will also have a changed plant.
However, there is another problem! The HOG has landed on Magrathea, but Eddie,
overprotective as usual, has jammed the hatch shut. And, he's not going to open
it, no matter how long it takes him to check for dangers on the planet (which
will be quite a few years).
You are almost ready! First, eat the fruit from the plant (mmm, tasty!). You
have a vision, and pay close attention to it: the vision shows you what tool
Marvin will need to open the hatch. This varies from game to game, and there is
no way to know which one it is until you eat the fruit. That is also why you
have to collect all those tools. Get the tool that you saw in the vision. If it
happens to be one you haven't seen yet, then you'll find it in Marvin's pantry.
The trick now is to find Marvin, and he's in his pantry, behind the screening
door. First, get the real tea. You automatically drop the No Tea. But, you
don't have your common sense anymore, so....pick up the No Tea! Now, you have
both Tea and No Tea at the same time!!
Go to the Screening Door. Open it. The Door, impressed by your being able to
have both Tea and No Tea will let you through! However, WAIT!!! Don't go
through the door yet! If you set foot in the pantry, you will be overwhelmed by
depression! So, that magic moment has arrived, the moment you've been waiting
for ever since you left Earth: drink the real tea!! (Ahhhhhh, good to the last
drop!)
All right! Now you can go into the Pantry (yay)! Marvin will be there, sulking
as usual. Tell him to fix the hatch. Marvin will grumble, but he will agree to
it, and tell you to meet him at the Hatch Access Space, with the proper tool,
in twelve moves.
As you already have the tool (thanks to the fruit), you can go directly to the
Access space (drop everything but the tool and the Fish), and wait for Marvin.
When he arrives and asks for the tool, give it to him. Marvin will fiddle
briefly, and the hatch will slide open.
Go out to the Hatch, and then down the Hatch. Wow! You have now set foot on
the legendary lost planet of Magrathea, and........