💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › virus › viris03.txt captured on 2023-06-16 at 21:05:26.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
For Your Information. . .
The following computer viruses have been identified,
but cannot be detected by any of the current virus scan
programs. BEWARE! Watch for these symptoms...
BOBBIT VIRUS
Removes a vital part of you hard disk then re-
attaches it. (But that part will never work
again.)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
and then slowly expands back to 250MB.
AT&T VIRUS
Every three minutes it tells you what great
service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're
paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS
This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
It warns you of impending hard disk attack . . .
Once if by LAN, Twice if by C:.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers
to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it
requires you to first see a counselor about
possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS
Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS
Colorizes you monochrome monitor (poorly).
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGER VIRUS
Terminates and stays resident with message "I'll
be back."
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS
Prevents your system from spawning any child
process without first joining into a binary
network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2
Their is sumthing rong wit you're kumputer, butt
ewe jut kant figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
Nothing works, but all you diagnostic software
says everything is fine.
GALLUP VIRUS
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38
percent of their data 14 percent of the time.
(Plus or minus 3.5 percent margin of error.)
TERRY PANDLE VIRUS
Prints "O' no you don't" whenever you choose
"Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file on
your hard disk.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS
Takes a couple of bytes out or you Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS
The computer locks up, the screen splits
erratically with a message appearing on each half
blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS
You arrive and hour late only to find you data is
in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS
Your computer becomes obsessed with having
cybersex with its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for
money.
ELVIS VIRUS
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and
service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
Causes your printer to shred everything.
NIKE VIRUS
Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
power supply, and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
Your files disappear and can never be found again.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2
Runs every program no the hard drive
simultaneously, but doesn't allow user to
accomplish anything.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
then subtracts money from your Quicken account and
spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases
through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS
Invades your system in places where no virus has
gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS
It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... No
new files!" on the screen. It then proceeds to
fill up all the free space on your hard drive with
new files, and blames it on the Congressional
Virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS
Makes your Pentium machine perform like a 8mhz
286.
LAPD VIRUS
It claims if feels threatened by the other files
on your PC and erases them in "self defense."
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
Your PC makes frequent, stupid mistakes and comes
in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS
Claims that if you don't send it a million
dollars, it's programmer will take it back.
We are making every attempt to keep this list up-to-
date. If you have additions, please call "The Holistic
BBS" at 714-995-3790 to report them. Once verified,
they will be included in future releases of this
document.
Mark - SysOp
The Holistic BBS
(Based on the Premise of Schrodinger's Cat)
Cypress, CA
714-995-3790 HST/Dual
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??? ??? ??? The Holistic BBS (714-995-3970 HST/Dual) ?
? ??? ??? ? Based on the Premise of Schroedinger's Cat ?
??? ??? ??? Mark McCarthy - SysOp ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? Guide Rating: Mostly Harmless ??? ??? ???
? Towel Required ? ??? ??? ?
? Fish Optional ??? ??? ???
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??? ??? ??? ILink, RIME *HUB*, Annex, . . . Networks ?
? ??? ??? ? Immediate Call Back Verification ?
??? ??? ??? FREE Access to all features (NO $ REQUIRED) ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?Uncertainty Principle, Quantum Machanics, Complexity, ??? ??? ???
?Chaos theories. . . The experts all agree, eventually ? ??? ??? ?
?everybody will call The Holistic BBS. DON'T BE LAST! ??? ??? ???
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
A unique experience in this or any other universe. S. Hawkings