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If I ruled the universe then everything would be so much better, and you all would be a hell of a lot happier, because it would be the law, and anyone who wasn't happy would have the choice of being thrown down the bottomless pit my engineers would have engineered or being castrated. And if they were female I'd make them have a sex change then give them a choice, damn women without their balls. Oh, did I mention that they would be castrated on a table with lots of pins and glass and rusty nails and stuff on it without any of that wimpy anaesthetic, who needs that shit? I'd be the only person allowed to use anaesthetic and even then it would only be when I'm having my teeth replaced with super titanium ones because all my original teeth got dead from eating too many gummy bears, gummy bears friggin rock. All women would be forced to walk around in loin cloth like material so that me and my friends could make it fall off really easily and quickly, but only me and my friends, anyone else who did it got shot, right in the ovaries. And if they're male well get some gay like Hitler to shove some up the guys arse then we'll shoot the arsehole. Then we'll shoot the gay who would actually go near the guy's arse in the first place. Because even if I offered you this job or death you should choose death, because at least then you'll die a man's death. Death by head butting a wall. I'd get some computer geeks to make me a computer that actually works, like properly and doesn't crash all the time, shitty windows, and I don't want any of that Apple shit, anyone who suggests I use an Apple gets given AIDS. Linux would be OK, but as a challenge I'd make them program it using a Windows computer. Yeah, writing a Linux program on a Windows computer, that's what you get for being a computer geek. At some point in my almighty rein of everything I'd get some person or other to get rid of all the gay office assistants, especially Clippy the paperclip, god-damn him so much. I think I'll get someone to make it so that every time you open up word you get to see a picture of a Clippy straightened out and impaled in one of the other assistants, or possibly all of them lined up in a nice neat row. By Poke