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\\ May, 2000 //
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The one question that seems to unleash the most dangerous
answer is: "Who rules you?" Most people, when asked this
question, although they may not admit it, realize their
submission. Most people don't base their actions on what pleases
them, but what pleases society's eye. When is the last time
you saw somebody that was rich buy some clothes from GoodWill
because they were more comfy? Chances are, you've never seen
it.
Fashion is largely responsible for conforming millions
of people into doing something they really don't want to do.
I mean, who really likes Tommy enough to pay $50 for a wifebeater
or some socks and not really feel like an asshole. A truly
smart person would steal the clothes. This doesn't happen
because of one thing. Tommy and other bullshit is bought not
for it's appearance, but for what it stands for. That, simply
put, is the money it takes to purchase it. People spend all
their money just to prove that they have money! The same goes
for cars, houses, jewelry, etc. Who actually loves to hear
the crushing and booming noise of bass coming from someone's
system?
So, you must ask yourself this one question: Who rules
you? Make your decisions for you and no one else.
-Fellow Felon
The Limited starring Ted and Ed
Ed: Hello Ted.
Ted: Bonjour, Ed.
Ed: I love my house and bed.
Ted: Well, I love astronomy. My favorite planet is Mercury,
third from our beloved sun.
Ed: Yes, the sun provides light so others can view my
wristwatch. Mercury is not third though, it is second.
Ted: Second? My friend, you are definitely full of the
most rancid kind of shit!
Ed: You say that about myself? I was just watching a special
of the planets on television.
Ted: Your program was obviously full of falsehoods. Everyone
knows that Mercury is third from the sun.
Ed: Fuck off with your thirdness. If Mercury was the third
planet from the sun, we would make use of it's resources. It
is second, 2, the same number of sexually explicit videos your
mother has made with the neighbors collection of caged beings.
Ted: If you disrespect my mother again, you are going to catch
multiple dirty stringes forcefully entering you colon. Shut
the fuck up!
Ed: It is ironic that your ignorance of our solar system is
the cause of your tantrum.
Ted: It is third, not second!
Ed: It is second and you are a fucking moron. This reminds
me of the time you shit yourself in third grade because you
drank too much apple juice. How could someone who can't control
their own output know anything about the universe?
Ted: Oh, you want to dig into a motherfucker's past?!? What
about that time you showed that police officer your erection?
He would have had you dropping the soap in no time if it wasn't
for you grandma!
Ed: You are dead. I am going to kill you!
(at the sounds of "kill" and "you", Ted pulls out a gun
and busts three bullets into Ed's skull) Thump!
Ted: Motherfucker. Third it is! I am bigger than Gawd! What
the fuck do you have to say about that? Fuck Candace Jordan,
and fuck far right board members! I'm on a verbal assault.
Mercury is third from the sun.
(Ted urinates on Ed's dead body)
The End
Who Controls Your Dreams? (Flight of a Slave)
Fuck this. I'm going off. I have this job, you know.
It is my occupation. I fucking hate it: the job itself, my
boss, all of it. I could stay above the deep end if it was
not for one thing. My job robs me already of my dignity and
time with family, but there is one thing I just can't take;
The taking of my dreams goddamnit! My dreamworld is so
uninhibited. So much more opportunities and possibilities there.
Why can't I have that? Why can't they let us have our natural
sleep? It is about our dreams, they fucking know. It would
be to our advantage to receive our full dream. The job can
get done at any time. Why not later? Mother fuck them. The
dreamworld is a very important place. I'm abolishing the clock.
I don't need a buzzer.
-Just because it is, does not mean it is right. -Jonnie
Did you know there are actually only 10 years left of mass
oil production? Some may say "Who cares?" but it's a big deal.
This means after the next decade is over oil prices will rise
to astronomical prices. But oil companies won't admit it.
They say it's more like fifty years. The question is "Why the
fuck would they lie?" It's simple. Money! By inflating oil
reserve estimates, companies can often raise their stock prices.
But there's an issue far more important than that.
Motivation for other types of alternative energy to be
developed is hindered. That means solar, wind, and hydroelectric
won't be developed as soon. You can see how much we rely on
oil. What will we do when the prices rise drastically and
there's not another major source of energy? Also, what will
other countries do to get ahold of this precious commodity?
Most likely it will involve the military. Countries will fight
each other for it and the whole world will go into an economic
depression. With the US being the major oil consumer, it will
have the most military interest in the middle east. This might
prove to our advantage with the US tied up. It may just give
us the opening we need. -Goliath
No Sex, Just Death
"Please review the student handbook on what attire is deemed
inappropriate." Summer is cumming. The heat is increasing.
It is that time of year where the authorities of school's send
students home for showing too much body. The human body is
the most disgusting of creations, especially the parts labeled
private. The body should be covered.
Suppression of wet panties and hard cocks should be
questioned. Are the authorities scared of their won sexual
arousal, or fear others? Most are well aware that sex creates
life. You need bodies for sex. IS it a religious agenda?
God creates life, not vile animal trash. Arousal brings forth
thought of creation and art. Perhaps the school authorities
feel this is not what students should be doing...
...but they seem to be okay with bloody death. Even though
it is a natural phenomenon, we have been taught to fear death
since birth. Odd it is that (at Mansfield Senior) we can have
posters of corpses chillin' at a morgue hanging all over the
fucking building, but the showing of body is strictly forbidden.
Many Richland County students got to witness mock death at the
fairgrounds. This is okay. Watching the loss of life is okay.
Vaginas, dicks, breasts, legs, and thighs are bad. You are
bad, evil! They fear our sexuality. They let us watch a gory
spectacle at the fairgrounds to "scare us" into not mistakingly
drinking and driving and... die. WE HAVE PICTURES OF CORPSES
HANGING ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. No sexuality is no life. WE HAVE
PICTURES OF A CORPSE HANGING ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. Of course,
we can't see the private parts, just death. Life and death.
Can't really have one without the other. Try to tell your
principal that. Just what the fuck are they afraid of?
Who Wants To Make Fun of a Millionaire?
I do! They have small dicks! Ump...nevermind.
Question 1: How many zeros does 1,000,000 have?
a) 1 b) 10 c) 6 d) I can't count
The answer is "e"! Welp, I'd better lifeline to my dad to make
sure. Hello, dad? Can you hear me? No, I didn't fuck a
chicken. Okay, the answer is "c" for chicken.
Ding, Ding, Ding! You got the right answer. But, ha ha, you
were supposed to guess the wrong answer. Johnny, bring the
man out his prize. It's a hacksaw to cut off your right
testicle.
Question 2: You are a fucking idiot!
a) true b) true c) true d) true
Oh my god! I don't know the answer. I'm gong to have to use
the 50/50. OK, now only a and c are left, Regis. I'm going
to have to go with b.
Is that your final answer? If it isn't we'll give you a million
ways to be told the answer, you fucking idiot!
So much pressure, what should I do? I'm going to poll the
audience. OK, the results were:
a) 5% b) 7% c) 3% d) 2% e) 85% says uhhhh!
Well, I guess I'm going to have to go with "e".
Wow, you really are a fucking idiot! But don't worry, you
haven't even given us 5 mins airtime. We are here to make people
at home feel smart. Fuck Jeopardy, that shit is for smart people
and they don't even get that much money. We pay people more
to be dumb. Ha!
Since you're so fucking stupid, we'll let you think while we
go to our five minutes of capitalist money-making.
[During the break] Damn man, I'm glad you didn't know the
answer. I can't believe that I, Regis Philbin, don't know it
either. But it's okay I'm a fucking idiot, I'm making my money.
Hey, you think you could give me Kathie Lee's #'s? I have some
illegal immigrants in my garage that could be of use to her.
Don't call her, that bitch can suck my dick!
Thanks for returning to our show. We have our fucking idiot,
Bill Nitwit, on his second question. Mr. Nitwit, please tell
us what you do for a living.
Well, my job isn't anything too serious. I sit in a building
all day with 99 other people. All I have to say is "Aye" or
"Nye" whenever they call my name. I've been doing it for so
long, I don't even have to think to do my job. It's kind of
involuntary. Then, sometimes, when something goes wrong, I
tell everybody that nothing is wrong. It's an easy job.
So what exactly are you?
Oh, I'm a Senator.
Really, that's interesting. (Regis falls asleep)
Alright, I'm going to say my answer is c. That is my final
answer.
Oh, I'm sorry you guessed correctly. Johnny, throw him in the
lions den. Thanks for playing Mr. Secretary, or whatever you
are. I'd like to thank MR. Benjamin for inventing the $100
bill. Thanks everybody.
(The Curtains close and the audience is incinerated.)
The End
- By Fellow Felon and Goliath
The 1st Lie of the Constitution
The first amendment is bullshit. It states that we have
the freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly, and petition.
If that amendment was really in effect, it would be a free
country. You may practice what religion you want, but are looked
down upon. That shouldn't be. If you think about it,
Christianity is forced upon us. There are always advertisements
for Christian churches, but why not any other. Maybe it's
because the government doesn't want them to. By being a good
Christian, it makes you obey the laws. It's just a way of
conforming to the will of others.
People cannot assemble peacefully without being fucked
with by pigs. If it is against the interest of the government,
i.e. money or control, it is broken up. Most rallies don't
become riots until cops get involved.
If reporters and journalists reported what's really going
on in the news, things would be different. Some stories are
censored, which are usually about corporate and government flaws,
while those about death aren't. How can people blame fictitious
games and movies on violence when the nightly news just as bad.
While school shootings have always gone on, it's only recently
they've been given attention. Most probably don't realize the
crime rate has been down for years. Yet the media makes it
sound like it's been going up.
The freedom of speech is the most affected. It's hard
to say anything without getting in trouble for it. Take school
for instance. Cuss words are restricted even though they're
just words. Words can't affect your education. "If you're
saying something offensive, you have to be careful who you're
around." Why? Why should words bother anyone that much. I
also don't understand why music is censored. That you have
a choice to listen to it or not. If the artist wanted it
censored, they would have done it themselves. One thing you
should never be told to do is SHUTUP! If someone tries to quiet
you for voicing your opinion, speak louder.
-Goliath
Religion is such bullshit. When I think about the lives
led by "devout" christians and elite members of other religious
groups, it makes me laugh. What the fuck? Next time I have
enough free time to contemplate my relationship with "God",
I think I'll wack off instead. At least that's fun.
When I think back a few centuries, I can understand how
people might have used Gods to explain what to them was
unexplainable. Things like natural disasters, the weather,
the sun, the moon, the meaning of human existence, and a million
other things they couldn't explain. As much as we have not
grown as a society, at least our grasp of the physical world
around us has improved. We now know the Earth revolves around
the sun, and the moon around the earth. Big fucking deal, but
it does show one thing. If all of our (and when I say our,
I mean their ) former beliefs look stupid now, imagine how dumb
we will look to people a thousand years from now. They'll say
things like, "I can't believe they thought God made people out
of sand and water!! How dumb!" And then, a thousand years from
their time, people (assuming the human race is still in
existence) will look back on their beliefs with the same stupid
laugh. What we learn from this is simply the backbone of a
weak mind, someone who cannot think for themselves. Most
intelligent people you will find do not believe in God, or at
least questioned his existence (unlike those who blindly accept
what they are told).
Although I am not a communist, I have to quote Karl Marx.
He once said that religion is the opiate of the masses. This
is entirely true. If you look at society today, everything
encompasses religious beliefs, and it keeps people sedated.
God-fearing people refrain from committing crimes because they
believe that they are morally wrong, and that they will be
punished in the afterlife for any mistakes they make in this
world. Our country's pledge of allegiance contains the words
"Under God." Our legal system requires witnesses to swear with
their hand upon a Bible to tell the truth. This oath is a
threatening hand that promises the fires of hell to those who
lie. As much as we criticize our puritan ancestors for their
strict and outrageous beliefs, those beliefs form the backbone
of our government today.
What would happen if an Atheist or an Agnostic ran for
president? He or she (if our country wasn't so sexist that
we would ever actually elect a woman as president) would
certainly be defeated. Part of this reason is the contempt
most Christians hold for non-Christians. They believe we do
not share the same "morals" or "values" that they hold so fucking
near and dear. This country would never elect someone they
thought didn't have strict moral beliefs and a strong Christian
background. Look what Clinton did, and he's a Christian. If
Christians can do things that bad, what would non-Christians
sink to in office. At least, that's what they think.
When you think about it, Christians are behind the decline
of society. Wars are fought because people believe that they
are "serving God" and their country. Europeans who destroyed
the native Americans during the colonization of the States
believed that they had the God-given right to spread their
pathetic lives across the globe. It was German Christians that
attempted to destroy the Jews in Nazi Germany. Fascists in
Italy were convinced that their violent actions were in service
to God. What all these people didn't think to do was to look
around, and try to find their God. Do you see him, cause I
sure as fuck don't. People see the beautiful things in life
as the product of God, but the horrible things are the work
of the devil. That's great. Go ahead and believe it if it
helps you sleep at night, or if you need a fucking scapegoat
for your actions. But as for me, I'll take responsibility for
what I do, good or bad. No God, no ruler, I control my own
life, and no one else does unless they take it from me.
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