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| File #3 in an endless series: |
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| | What is a Yuppie? | |
| | | |
| | --AKA-- | |
| | | |
| | Real 'Yups' don't | |
| | dive buick regals | |
| |_____________________| |
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| By Uncle Stimey. Inspired by Dean Cooledge |
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What is a Yuppie? Well, a Yuppie is an extention on the acrynom, YUP,
which stands for Y)oung U)rban P)rofessional. Yuppies are usually thought of
as the type of people who own BMWs and Macs, but a Yuppie isn't just a
definition brought on by material value, Yuppism is best discribed by the way a
person acts. Having a BMW is not a true sign of a Yuppie, but wearing black
leather driving gloves and a Alexander Julian shirt while "crusin'" in is a
definite sign. Again, having a Mac. is not a sign of being a Yuppie, but
inviting friends over to see how many columns that they can fit into their
spreadsheet is.
Now that we know about the attitude that a Yuppie has toward life, lets
look into the typical day of a teenage Yuppie in the Winter. It's Friday, the
day before a three day weekend.
6:05am The alarm clock goes off for the second time. (Note: the
average Yuppie snooze-bar time is 7.3 minutes.)
6:10am By this time, a yuppie is out of his pajamas and into the
shower for a nice warm "waker-upper."
6:15am The Yuppie's shower is over and he's off the the breakfast
room where his mother has been making sunny-side-up eggs
for the last half hour.
6:35am After a brief conversation about their stocks, it's off to
school for the little Yup.
6:51am The Yuppie arives for school. He would of been there at
6:50am, but it took him two tries to start the BMW.
6:58am Our friend is now in his first class for the day: Speech.
(Note: this is a public speech class, all speech problems
are seen to by a private speech therapist.)
7:00am This is the time where our friend prides himself on the one
dominant thing in his life. Money. Anyone with money can
pass their first four classes: Speech, Eng ][ ('A' track),
French ][ ('A' track) [real Yuppies don't take Spanish],
and Chemistry (yes, 'A' track). Although a total of 30
minutes has been devoted to "breaks" between classes, a
Yuppie never wastes time unless he has a good reason.
10:30am This is the typical lunch time of 'preparatory' schools.
Any self respecting 'Yup' takes this time go to the bank
and to get gas for his BMW. [real Yuppies don't waste time
eating unless their fondue pot is ready]
11:30am Lunch time is over for the 'Yup,' but his school time isn't.
Our friend goes on to his last two classes of the day:
Pre-Calculus [Yuppies take Geom. in summer-school] and his
most culture filled class: Chorus. (our example Yuppie is
a soprano)
1:45pm School is our for the day. The Yuppie meets with some
(all?) of his friends and begins to plan his three day week-
end.
3:20pm Yuppies, being as efficient as they are, at this time, have
decided to go to Aspen for the weekend. Kip has the car
(Mercedes 500 sel) and Dean has the cabin (a two story
mansion made out of wood).
3:37pm Home at last. He would of been home sooner, but the garage
door opener hasn't been working too well, so he has to get
out of his car and ask Raul to open the garage door for
him. (Note: Raul was given a $.25 tip to make it worth his
time.)
3:46pm After a chat with his dad (who is home at noon because that
is the time when the stock market closes) it's off to his
room for a good 3 hours (45 minutes for each 'solid') of
homework.
6:52pm Homework is done and it's dinner time for our subject. The
meal for tonight is Veal with a choice of three vegetables,
two cold soups, and three types of bread. (Note: this meal
was made by Rosa.)
8:00pm The set dinner time is over and it's off to bed for another
'Yup' child. It's too bad that he's going to Aspen in the
morning, because there is a heck of a football game on the
'tube' tomorow.
By this time you should have an understanding of Yuppism and feeling that
you are sick to your stomache. So, here is the final part of this file on
Yuppies:
Y U P P I E D O ' S A N D D O N T S . . .
Yuppie: Yes | No
------- | -------
BMW | Buick
Mac | IBM
Cusinart | Cheese Grater
Jockey Underwear | Boxer shorts
Leather | Vinyl
Aspen | Snow-Bowl
Wine Spritzers | Beer
Diet 7-Up | Coke
Lavosche | Pizza
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| Thanks to 'Spiffy' of the BAC Pac, and |
| SPECIAL thanks to Dean Cooledge for all |
| the ideas. -=*Uncle Stimey*=- |
|____________________________________________|
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