💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › rumormil.hum captured on 2023-06-14 at 17:17:48.
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RUMOR ROOM ON LOCATION (In the Rumor Mill) <The almost deafening roar from the main blade of a busy sawmill threatens to drive your senses into overload as you descend the rickety ladder into..... THE RUMOR MILL!> Hi! My code name is Boffo and I'm pleased you could take this trip into my little Rumor Mill! That'll be twenty bucks. <he riffles through your cash> Thank you. Now, let's start with a tour of the manufacture of computer industry rumors, okay? <Boffo leads you down yet another rickety rank of rungs; the incessant whine of the blade grows yet a little dimmer.> Here we are! <You're gazing into a cavernous room in which every figure seems peripheral and furtive.> It's a little distracting until you get used to it, but this is where all the high-tech rumors are born and disseminated! <A paper airplane sails across your line of sight; your head twitches slightly as you flinch involuntarily when a trial balloon looms off to your right.> I know how you must feel. This place is a traffic jam of trial balloons, red herrings, whisper campaigns, leaks and boardroom ennui. Never mind all that -- it's just window dressing! You want to see a rumor in-the-making? <Boffo leads you through the fog through a massive set of steel doors into a cramped office with a clean desk and a red telephone with "Jobs" scrawled in magic marker on the handset.> We have a special place in our hearts for this guy Jobs. He started it all a few years back by himself leaking important rumors about his former company. <Boffo stifles a merry belly laugh> What a crutch! <Ring! Ring!> <Boffo snaps up the phone and listens, eyes widening, to a voice on the line.> Thanks! <Click.> Here's one for your twenty bucks: Big Blue is going to re-release the PCjr with Unix to sink MS-DOS and torch Ma's combo sally! <Ring! Ring!> <Boffo again yanks the handset to his red left ear.> Huh? Uh-huh. Hmmmm. Okay. Thanks. <Click.> Okay, since you're here, I'll tell you another one for free: Apple's about to announce the McDLT -- a hybrid McIntosh with a cool-touch screen and even hotter capes that'll -- <suddenly a loud buzzer staccatoes; a low, wailing siren starts to doppler toward you> OMIGOSH! <Boffo heads pall-mall toward the now-closing steel doors> Let's get outa here! <Panting, chugging, you run desperately behind Boffo, avoiding few of the dangling cobwebs that never seem to touch Boffo, you finally run smack-dab into his back, nearly knocking him over. A cool envelope of unconsciousness enfolds you...> <A flickering light, far away> Wake up! C'mon, buddy, wake UP! <Boffo's ragtag visage slowly comes into focus> Tour's over! Time for you to move along! See ya' next time, okay?