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WOULD YOU BUY A USED ROLLS FROM THIS BHAGWAN? It's not often that we are treated to the spectacle of a religion's founder declaring that religion dead. Political movements, occasionally. Fashion trends, of course. But religions are supposed to last for eternity or until eternity ends, whichever comes first. So the recent announcement by Guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, once of India but now of Oregon, that Rajneeshism is defunct has produced the same sort of magnetic curiousity we associate with news of bearded carnival ladies or gaudy public suicides. The opportunity this demise provides for public enlightenment is especially attractive because Rajneeshism apparently snuffed itself out for reasons other than its being difficult for Western tongues to pronounce. Guru Rajneesh has not had an easy go of it since folding his commune in Poona, India, in 1981 and setting up camp in the immediately overwhelmed tiny town of Antelope, Ore., now called Rajneeshpuram. The influx of red-bedecked disciples upset the locals, who grew almost instantly tired of red. The Bhagwan (it means the "blessed" or "enlightened" one, for reasons no longer, if ever, clear) had legal trouble, too, having to do with such unspiritual matters as divorce and whether Rajneeshpuram even existed legally. More recently, of course, the trouble has been a wholesale defection of his inner circle, police investigations, wire tapping, attempted murder, absconding with funds and plenty of other whatnot. To take his mind off such earthly inconveniences he would go for tranquilizing afternoon rides in one of his many Rolls-Royces and bathe in the adoring praise of his smitten followers. I have seen film footage of this ritual. It reveals the almost infinite capacity of people to grovel. It's not easy for an outsider like me to understand or give a detailed, fair account of the beliefs, if any, of Rajneeshism. Without going there to study the matter myself, I am forced by the press of time to rely at least in part on the media. And I conclude that the media are grossly biased in reporting on Rajneeshism, for the available clippings are full of quotes from the Bhagwan and his groupies that make the man out to be a perfect fool, a buffoon of almost unmatched magnificence. For instance: * He supposedly tells his disciples: "Do whatever you feel like doing." * One of his followers once described how, after coming to know him, she learned "it is better not to think than to go around hating yourself because you are thinking too much." * The Rajneesh Medical Corp. is reported to have advised in a late 1984 edition of the "Rajneesh Times", "If you are smart, you will stop kissing." * After a self-imposed silence of several years, reports said the guru this summer urged Americans to "Stop giving praise to that criminal Mother Teresa, who is only increasing the poverty by saving the orphans." * "Anybody who is intelligent will be polygamous," he is reported to have said in almost the same breath as his denunciation of Mother Teresa. "You can't go on eating Italian food forever. Once in a while you want to try a Chinese restaurant. Marriage is a lifelong bondage.'' Is it possible for one man, given but one lifetime, to be the source of so much addled thinking? It's hard to imagene. Which is why I say it's hard to gain a sympathetic understanding of the man based on such quotes. They have the ring not of verisimilitude but of having been composed by the pressured writing staff of NBC's "Saturday Night Live." It is as if the Monty Python version of Jesus Christ's Sermon on the Mount ("Blessed are the cheesemakers," etc.) has reincarnated its full-tilt boogie sacrilege in the mouth of the great guru of Oregon and Points East. Still, if these media accounts are evenly remotely accurate, the cause of Rajneeshism's death is clear: It self-destructed because it relied for its insight and power on human wisdom. And human wisdom -- especially when its aim is to store up treasures on Earth -- is always poverty stricken.