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RESEARCH DEFINITIONS The following phrases, frequently found in technical writings, are defined here for your edification and enlightenment. This list was plagiarized from some unknown genius who evidently had read one to many scientific papers. "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN---" I haven't bothered to look up the original reference. "OF GREAT THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE" Interesting to me. "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS---" The experiments didn't work out, but I figured I could get a paper out of it. "EXTREMELY HIGH PURITY, SUPERPURITY" Composition unknown except for the exaggerated claims of the supplier. "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY" The results on the others didn't make sense and were ignored. "ACCIDENTALLY CONTAMINATED DURING THE EXPERIMENT" Accidentally dropped on floor. "HANDLED WITH EXTREME CARE DURING THE EXPERIMENTS" Not dropped on floor. "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN" The best results are shown. "PRESUMABLY AT LONGER TIMES---" I didn't take the time to find out. "THESE RESULTS WILL BE REPORTED AT A LATER DATE" I might get around to this problem sometime. "THE MOST RELIABLE VALUES ARE THOSE OF JONES" He was a student of mine. "IT IS BELIEVED THAT---" I think. "IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT---" A couple of other guys think so too. "IT MIGHT BE ARGUED THAT---" I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it. "CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE" Wrong. "IT IS TO BE HOPED THAT THIS WORK WILL SIMULATE FURTHER WORK IN THE FIELD" This paper is not very good, but neither are any of the others on this miserable subject. "THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE GLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO JOHN DOE FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS" Glotz did the work and Doe explained to me what it meant "PRELIMINARY EXPERIMENTS HAVE SHOWN." We did it once but couldn't repeat it. "THE W-Pb SYSTEM WAS CHOSEN AS BEING ESPECIALLY SUITABLE TO SHOW THE PREDICTED BEHAVIOR." The fellow in the next lab already had some made up. Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open