💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › rentals.hum captured on 2023-06-14 at 17:17:06.
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RENTAL CARS Due to an accident, the cause of which was the haste of a young man to turn left in front of my wife's oncoming small car, we have been renting cars for about a month now. Since the insurance company will reimburse us for our rental expense (right after our credit rating is ruined from overusing our credit cards), and since we will soon be in the market for another car, we have been changing cars every five days--testing out different makes and models as well as different rental car agencies. First I want to say something about rental car agencies. Like the autos they rent, there are high quality agencies and low-ball ones. We tried one such low-ball rental agency (suggested, of course, by the insurance company), Wham-Bam Rent-a-Car, for a few days before we became tired of driving an incredible hulk around town. Wham-Bam tows the rental car to you, takes your money in advance and, at pick up time, comes around and tows the car away. (From the looks of Wham-Bam's local personnel, they no doubt do reposessions on the side.) Wham-Bam's tactics are clear: they're into maximum profit and minimum overhead along with very minimal service to the renter. Doubtless, Wham-Bam's real customers are insurance companies out to whittle down the cost of rental reimbursements that they sit on shamelessly for months. So, our lesson on low-ballers learned, we went to a highly regarded auto leasing company and picked up a driving machine (or rolling living room). We found out, to our amazement, that such companies will rent cars for the same insurance rates as do low-ballers like Wham-Bam--IF you're clever about asking for the right rate. Here's how that goes: <dial, dial> THEM: "Happy Holidays from Creature Comfort Rent-a-Car!" US: "We need a rental car for a week or so." THEM: "Fine! That'll be $44.95 a day plus 85 cents a mile." US: "But the tow truck driver gave us your card! He said you were reasonable! That price is NOT reasonable. Taxis are cheaper." THEM: "Oh! We'll give you the 'Tow-referral rate.' That's 17 bucks a day plus a hundred free miles." US: "Okay, fine." <later> <dial, dial> THEM: "Season's Greetings from Creature Comfort Cars!" US: "Look, I just talked to the insurance company and they only reimburse fifteen dollars a day and no mileage. I need to bring the car back." THEM: "Fine. See you soon!" So, we return the car and, while completing the rental charges, start talking with the desk manager... WE: "Too bad your rate isn't covered by the insurance company. I really liked the car." THEY: "Oh! Are you being reimbursed by the insurance company?" WE: "Yeah, do you think we're doing this for fun?" THEY: "Well, our 'Insurance reimbursement rate' is $15 a day plus unlimited mileage." WE: "You are kidding." THEY: "Nope." WE: "Well, give me the car back, then!" THEY: "We can't give you that car. It's already booked. But we'll give you a comparable model." But, it turns out the key word to define is what 'comparable' means. We ended up with a car close in description to Wham-Bam's. So, we tried yet another rental agency. And another. We can hardly wait to get our own car back, even though it's not as luxurious as some we have rented. But, if ever we should have another accident, we'll know the ropes at the outset. You ought better believe we'll wait a day or two until the right rental unit 'comes back' and avoid what you just experienced with us.