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]%% %%[
]% CHUCKO'S Guide for %[
] [
] Detecting LOZER USERS [
] [
] Produced by: [
] [
] BIT BY BIT Information Services [
]%---------------------------------%[
] A Comprehensive guide designed [
] to aid the SysOp in the detection [
] and removal of leeches, lozers, [
]% assholes and other pests. %[
]%% %%[
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Yes folks, another text file on our
favorite subject, BBS abusers!
When a lozer user logs on to your BBS,
he/she may display the following
subtile traits:
CALLING
-------
A lozer user will usually call your
system 5-10 times before he figures
out that he must flip the switch on
his crummy modem to 'data' in order
to get any results. After several
more calls, he discovers that he gets
a much better connection with the
other switch in 'originate'. Due to
the recent influx of cheap 1200 baud
modems(6470, a big mistake) this phase
of lozer detection is more difficult
because most sysops automatically
assume that a 1200 baud user knows
what the fuck he is doing.
LOGGING ON
----------
Watching a lozer user log on is like
watching a fly bat itself against a
window. Mindless persistance. After
watching for awhile, you will usually
find yourself wondering how they
managed to dial your number, much less
perform the other complex tasks assoc-
iated with modem and computer use.
What is really fun is switching to
another BBS program and counting the
number of times the lozer tries his
old I.D. before he figures out that he
must re-apply. If you have recently
deleted the lozer who is trying to
log on, you can have a laugh as you
watch the already slow typing lozer
type his I.D. and PWD slower and
slower with every attempt!
THE MAIN MENU
-------------
The average lozer seems to have some
adversion to read the menu, as well as
any other text file designed to help a
user learn how to use the board. They
seem to be more content with trying
every posssible combination of letters
until they find something that works.
He calls this 'hacking'. A lozer does
not know how to pause text, but that
is not a problem for him because he
doesnt read anything anyway. Here is
a sample of the first commands usually
tried by the lozer:
D,DIR,DOW,UPL,UL,UD,U,DOW(again...)
After the Board tells him several
times that his level is too low, he
might try Chat anywhere from 5 to 20
times, or if he is already too taxed
mentally from his 'hacking' session,
he may simply log off, or before
logging off, he may leave you some
feedback asking 'how come I can't
upload?' (bullshit, never uploaded in
his life...) The seasoned lozer aborts
(yes, they learn how to abort) every-
thing on his blind way to the main
prompt(where upon your screen fills up
with whatever the abort character is)
several seconds later he realizes he
has reached the main prompt and tries
all commands associated with getting
GAMEZ. If for some unknown reason his
download attempts are unsuccessful,
he will immediately log off or hang up
(the leech's 'log off') and hurry to
call another board. If you are lucky,
he will think your system sucks, and
not bother calling back. But usually
other systems give him the same
treatment, and he calls yours back,
out of shear boredom. At this time,
he will probably discover some of the
other commands on your system by
'hacking' some more.
CHAT
----
Heavily abused, need I say more?
Well, maybe not, but I will supply a
sample chat session anyway:
CHAT ENGAGED:
L:wHATZ UP? (notice reversed case)
S:the price of your ol' lady's puddy.
L:dO YUU HAVE (some old game)?
S:i formatted the disk last week.
L:oH ok.
S:is that all you wanted?
L:wHEN CANB I GET A LEVBEL RAISDE?
(no back space, wonder why?)
S:ask me again in 2 years.
L:ok.dO YOU HABVE(some other old game)
S:get lost, leech.
(connection mysteriously lost)
Sometimes the better leeches are up on
the latest software and, of course,
they expect you to give it to them.
FEEDBACK(when you dont wanna chat
-------- with the asshole)
I will also provide a sample feedback.
Feedback is rare, due to the fact that
most of these assholes hate typing
even more than they hate reading.Plus
it consumes precious time that could
be better spent downloading.
From: MASSIVE DUNG BALL [#107]
Date: Sun Jul 21, 1986 8:47 PM
Access: Scum! Phone: (301)/263-9926
Name: BRANDON GOLDFELTER
======================================
i THINK i AM READSY FOR A LEVVEL
RAISDESZ
(notice once again, reverse case
and no backspace...)
i WOULDF KLIKE LEVCEL 8.
tHAT WOUYLD BE GREDAT!THANX!
i WOUKLD LIKE TO DOWNLOASD(attemps to
backspace frantically)UPLOAFD MORE.=
dO YOU HASVE ANY GPOOD GAMES?
wHY CANTY i BACKLSPOACE?
oH, i READF THE FILES(amazing...)ON
MCI CAMMONDS BUT i DOENT UDNERSTAD THE
THEM.CAN YUPO TELL ME HOW THEY WOLRK?
#V0
#P0
oH WELL, TALK TO YPOU LATXER!
/e
/exit
/s
/ex
/x
..SAVE >>SAVE
lET ME OUTT!
'.h'
help
SHIT!
HELP ME SYSOP!
(hangs up,totally confused)
Maybe they leave more feedback than
we know about...
POSTING MESSAGES
----------------
Lozers don't like to post either.
Unless they have something REALLY
important to post, like this:
#4 'i NEED'
By MASSIVE DUNG BALL (UID#107)
On Thu Jun 5, 1986 1:00 PM
-- No Responses --
dOES ANYONRE HABVE:=
rAID OBVER mOSCOW
zORK
iMPOSSSIBLE mISHION
sUMMER GAMNES
gOUST bUSTERS
gORF
i WANTED TO UPLOSAD lEMONADE BUT i
dIDNT HAVE THE TIME. iF u WANT TO
TRADE,GIVBE ME CA A CALL AT 263-9926.
l8TOR dUDEZ!
* *
** **
* * *
* * a s sb i v e
***
* *
* *
* *
**b un ng
***
*d *
***
* *
* *
*** a ll!!
p.s.dONT CALL AFTER 930 pm CAUDSE mOM
WILL TAKE MY COMNPOTER AWAY.
..S
AVE
'.S'
>>save
Respond or Private Reply?
TEXT FILES
----------
Skip it...lozers do...
E-MAIL
------
Once again, the lozer hates typing and
will only send E-mail if he thinks he
can get gamez by doing it. It will
generally look as bad as the sample
post & feedback above. I dare not
explore the mindless dribble that goes
on as 2 lozers send E-mail back and
forth to each other.
WELL, it would take more typing than
I can do in a year to describe all of
the traits a lozer might display. But
you get the general idea...
Now on to:
=---------------=
] LOZER REMOVAL [
=---------------=
Detection is after all, relatively
easy. Removing the lozer can be a real
pain in the ass. sure you can simply
delete him, but most lozers will
simply use that old lozer trick of
re-applying under a new name. On a
busier BBS that doesnt voice validate
everyone, he can slip through and
possibly go un-noticed for several
days or weeks if he is lucky. But it's
only a matter of time before he gets
detected again...How about a special
level just for lozers, maybe even give
them their own message base? Naaaah...
Blacklist the fuckheads! force them to
call the only boards that will have
them!
LOZER BBS'S!!
Program: 6485 or HAL
Baud: 300
Hours: Whenever they're not
playing gamez
This file was poorly written by
CHUCKO
with help from
DOUBLE D and X-CALIBUR
Thanks to the lozers of the world,
without whom this file would not
have been necessary.
Just for the hell of it, call the only
BBS with an entrance exam:
Hacker's Haven
Program:Another Modified C-Net...
Baud:300/1200
Hours:24
Number:301-269-5759
Also call(just for the hell of it):
The Lunatic Phringe BBS
Baud:300/1200
Hours: 24
Number:312-965-3677
British Exchange
Program:CMBBSv5.1(CHUCKOMOD!)
Baud:300/1200
Hours:24
Number:301-269-7550
T.G.U.B.B.S.
Program:CMBBS (TAYLORMOD!)
Baud:300/1200
Hours:24
Number:301-263-8718
The BADLANDS
Program:CMBBSv5.1 (CHUCKOMOD!)
Baud:300/1200
Hours:24
Number:301-974-4870
Be sure and call the other great BBS'
located in various states!
(unless you're a lozer)
Written 7-22-86
Hope you enjoyed it.
==========================
]% %[
] Now kindly PISS OFF... [
]% %[
==========================
The Lunatic Phringe BBS
312-965-3677 300/1200 Baud