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Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. WHEREAS the Party of the First Part, also known as "Lawyer" and the Party
of the Second Part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree
to a transaction wherein the Party of the Second Part (Light Bulb) shall be
removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the
entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area,
demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being
at the option of the Party of the Second Part (Light Bulb) and not required
by the aforementioned Agreement between the Parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but shall not be
limited to, the following:
1. The Party of the First Part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation
at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of
elevation, grasp the Party of the Second Part (Light Bulb) and rotate the
Party of the Second Part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this
point being non-negotiable.
2. Upon reaching a point where the Party of the Second Part (Light Bulb)
becomes separated from the Party of the Third Part ("Receptacle"), the Party
of the First Part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the Party of
the Second Part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable
state, local, and Federal statutes.
3. Once separation and disposal shall have been achieved, the Party of
the First Part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of
the Party of the Fourth Part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
paragraph 1 hereof, except that the rotation shall occur in a clockwise
direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the
Party of the First Part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the
object being to produce the most possible revenue for the Party of the Fifth
Part ("Law Firm").