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STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
(posted by Sean Paswater)
(original by David Parsons)
(who stole it from George McQuary)
(who shamelessly appropriated the idea from Dave Sweeney)
I took exception to your recent ___ post to _________________________.
(newsgroup)
___ email
It was (check all that apply):
___ lame.
___ stupid.
___ boring.
___ obvious killfile fodder.
___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
___ what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _____________________.
(net.personality)
___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
___ your post/mail originated on AOL.
___ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post.
___ your post/mail originated on a BBS.
___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or
Notesfile.
___ your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Usenet News
Network Security & Standards Patrol
2300 Davenport C-9
Knoxville, TN 37920-2165
or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ It was done clumsily.
___ you have a lame login name.
___ your machine has a stupid name.
___ your attempt at a middle name fell flat.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Painfully.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!"
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines of
text.
___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
(Mark only if above checked)
___ *Without* adding "<form of representation> at 11".
___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
___ you have no .sig .
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your newsreader truncated it.
___ your .sig is wider than 80 columns.
___ your .sig is tabdamaged.
___ your .sig is longer than your included text.
___ your .sig is longer than the entire rest of your post.
___ your .sig approacheth Kibo's in length.
___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
(Mark only if above also)
___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
(Mark only if above also)
___ Miserably.
___ you included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ a stupid self-quote.
___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ a stupid quote from
(Mark all that apply)
___ Rush Limbaugh.
___ Dan Quayle.
___ a rock band member.
(Mark only if above also)
___ from Rush.
___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s).
___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
___ lame ASCII fonts
___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
___ Sword
___ Dinosaur
___ Cat/Dog
(Mark only if above also)
___ plural
___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________
___ excessive whitespace
Furthermore:
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___________________
(newsgroup)
___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
___ You are a loser.
___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this
clueless.
___ *plonk*
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
___ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
___ Go Away. Now.
___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
___ stop sending email and get a life.
___ consume excrement.
___ consume excrement and thus expire.
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