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Exciting New Product Announcement The NEW Wrongco CB-Matic Thrilling new concepts in computer technology! * Constructed entirely of space-age materials! * Unique word processing capabilities. Able to process no less than two hundred four-letter words in .37 nano-days! * Far-reaching communications capabilities with common household items. No expensive modem hardware required. (Designer paper cups and character string provided.) * Built-in microwave dish for instant worldwide communications at your fingertips. Dishwasher safe (top rack only). * Direct connect crucifix provided (Star of David optional) for communications. Direct line communication with the deity of your choice. How much would you pay for a system like this??? Well, hold on--there's more! * CB-Matic (Unreg. TM) will automatically pick up the phone, dial the least expensive CB node, log you on, insert the handle of your choice, and immediately insult the user of your choice by asking where they are from, their age, their gender, what equipment they are using and their astrological sign. * Through special arrangements with CompuService (another Unreg TM), it can produce the necessary information on the person of your choice. * You can trust the Wrongco CB-MATIC (Unreg. TM). Electronic fabrication is of time-proven vacuum tubes. Relays and coils, all cleverly disguised as transistors, semi-conductors and LSI components. * Comes with a standard 256-key keyboard, with optional alphanumeric keys available. * A full 5 MB of static memory, of which 4.6 MB is newly-developed write-only memory [WOM (Sorta Reg. TM)]. * Solar-powered battery charger (optional). * Coffee dispenser availale (at additional cost) for those long, late-night CB sessions. With purchase of coffee dispenser, we will throw in a double-sized ashtray which holds up to four packs worth of butts, for those dragged-out conversations in /TALK. * Take advantage of our offer within 17 days, and we'll throw in a free 200-year clock module (hands optional). OTHER NEW DEVELOPMENTS!!! The greatest breakthrough in rotating media since the pizza hit the ceiling is the fabulous new GINSOUP (patent currently being rejected) You can beat it with a hammer! You can drag it across bricks! You can throw it out the window! A 6000-pound elephant can stand on it! The chimpanzees at your local zoo can play catch with it! The fabulous new GINSOUP will reliably retrieve all previously-stored information without so much as a slipped bit. All this without external power, too! Our revolutionary power pack includes a matched pair of exotic WOM-bats (known for their unique ability to remember) that will...you guessed it!!! They will lustily work during off-line time to provide you with an inexhaustible supply of wheel-turning rodents. The GINSOUP utilizes a unique recording medium---the Floppy Eggs System (the U.S. Patent Office won't touch this one!). DOS is stored in the yolk!!! Information retrieved with the speed of greased lightning if the eggs have not been cooked in PAM (TM). Software may be transferred easily to the next set of eggs when the original has gone moldy, and the mold may then be used to process your own Penicillin, with the use of the amazing DATA-PROCTO which also may be used to format output. These dynamic breakthroughs have led to an incredible data transfer rate of 45.5 baud (using U.S.D.A. Jumbo eggs). Of course, with ostrich eggs, should yield a slightly higher baud rate. Data can be protected using the supplied Wrongco IN-SHELL DATA SCRAMBLER (TM - patent currently being revoked) Would you believe you can own all fo this for only $24.95??? Well, hold onto your seats because there's more! If you order now, we will throw in a special black light attachment which will give that extra-special psychedelic effect for those nights when you are logged on and high as a kite! Suddenly, you will see before your eyes brilliant colors as your keyboard displays a "Rainbow of Dayglow Alphas." We take VISA, Master Charge, American Express, Diner's Club, Carte Blanche, K-Mart, Woolco, Exxon, Texaco, Social Security, Welfare Checks, or your first-born child (male only). Credit terms available --- (fine print) $19 down --- $1 per month for the next two years (Subject to applicant's credit rating or gullibility, handled through Vito's Collection Service.) (Finer print) Inability to meet monthly terms could result in repossession your Wrongco equipment, your wife and/or any remaining children, your pet dog, Hobart, and your Great Mixmasters of Hoboken collection. Be on the lookout for the newest in lawn care products, the Wrongco COMPUMATIC LAWN SYSTEM! In your choice of COBOL blue, Assembly grey and, of course, BASIC black, all of your gardening needs will be met in this computerized lawn care system. Each unit will be equipped with WOM (TM) to allow your system to be discriminating in the garden. WOM, exclusive to Wrongco products, enables you to have the finest lawn in your neighborhood. Yes, folks, WOM (Weed-only memory) is the answer to all your problems. Be the first on your block to own one! (Look for Wrongco products in hardware stores and sleazy salesmen's trunks all over the country!) [Copyright 1982 -- Mimi Hiller]