💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › humor › bb captured on 2023-06-14 at 17:07:10.

View Raw

More Information

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Beaver and Butthead
One-shot (Barely) Humorous Chaos Encounter
 
     These are two young broos of an age which corresponds to 14
years in humans.  They are an inseparable pair, despite not
getting along with each other very well.  They are obsessed with
sex, like all broos, but not very experienced or daring (unlike
most broos).  Mention anything vaguely sexual around them, and
they start laughing a peculiar "Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh-
heh-heh-heh," and saying things like "He said to GET OFF his
horse, get it?"
     Their second favorite thing, after talking about sex, is
watching other broos perform what passes for broo entertainment. 
Although they do not participate, lacking any skill in those
areas, they freely comment upon the performances by saying, "This
sucks," or "Cool."  
     They are also pyromaniacs.
     Their low language skills are due to their feral origin.
 
 
Beaver
Malia initiate
The offspring of a broo-beaver mating, Beaver has a generally
beaveroid body, except for the hands, horns, and (barely) bipedal
posture.  He attacks by biting with his pronounced incisors and
(3 SR later) slapping with his tail.  However, he never fights
unless forced into it, either by being cornered or by being
coerced by a stronger broo.  He carries a spear because stronger
broos make him, but he will drop it and run if he can.
 
STR  11             Move 4, Swim 3
CON  14             Hit Points 15
SIZ  16             Fatigue 25
INT  9
POW  8
DEX  10
APP  4
 
Weapon    SR   A%   Damage         P%   Pts
Bite       7   40   1D8  
Tail Slap 10   35   1D4+1
1H Spear   6   25   1D8+1+1D4      19   10
 
Beaver delivers the tail slap either by turning or by swinging it
up between his legs.  Either way, if it hits, roll 1D10 for hit
location.
 
Skills: Swim 90%, Speak Chaosspeech 20, Firemaking 75%.
 
Armor: 1 pt. fur on body, 3 point head.
 
Spirit Magic (40%): Ignite.
 
Disease: Carries Blotches and White Eye.  If his bite does
damage, he exposes his victim to both diseases.
 
Possessions: fire-making equipment, including flint with focus
for Ignite.
 
 
Butthead
Malia initiate
Butthead has a unique chaotic feature, "Reversed Alimentary
Canal, with Complications."  The gods of chaos reversed the
placement of his mouth parts and his hind end.  He eats by
sitting on his food, and his anus is where his mouth should be. 
Where broos normally have cheeks, he has buttocks, and vice
versa.  He attacks by spewing forth excrement in front of him or
by casting spells.  As a last resort, he can head butt, hoping to
impale someone on his forward-pointing horns.  Like Beaver, he is
likely to run away from a fight.  Like Beaver, he carries a spear
for show.
 
STR  9              Move 4
CON  13             Hit Points 13
SIZ  13             Fatigue 22
INT  8
POW  13
DEX  10
APP  2
 
Weapon    SR   A%   Damage    P%   Pts       Notes
Spray     3    *    Special                  See below
Head Butt 8    37   1D6                      Can impale
Spear     7    22   1D8       21   10
 

sprays, so as to get everyone in a 90 degree arc.  The filth hits
everyone in range in that arc.  If Butthead successfully casts
his Speedart, the spray does 3 points of damage to a random
location.  The foul stench subtracts 5% from all of a victim's
skills until he or she bathes.  The filth also exposes the person
to The Blotches and Sniffles.  Everyone hit should make a luck
roll (POW x5) where failure indicates Something Worse.  Roll a
missile hit location to find out what the Something is.  Head:
temporarily blinded (1D6 melee rounds); arms: lose grip of
anything held with that arm; chest or abdomen: anything carried
on the body is befouled; legs: slip and fall.
 
Skills: Speak Chaosspeech 20, Firemaking 75%.
 
Armor: 3 point head, 1 point soft leather on body.
 
Spirit Magic (65%): Disruption, Heal 1, Ignite, Speedart.
 
Disease: Carries Blotches and Sniffles.
 
Possessions: firemaking equipment (flint has focus for ignite).