💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › holiday › sansanta.txt captured on 2023-06-14 at 17:05:24.
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-=-=-= Well folks, here we are yet again. That text phile group =-=-=-
-=-=-= that just keeps coming back. This time however, we have kinda =-=-=-
-=-=-= decided (assuming that Red okays it) that instead of the same =-=-=-
-=-=-= ol' bullshit about breaking and entering, blowing-up this and =-=-=-
-=-=-= that, etc, we are going to bring a little Christmas cheer and =-=-=-
-=-=-= stray for the SANctuary formula. Even though it is September =-=-=-
-=-=-= right now, who gives a fuck.Read the phile, smile an' enjoy.. =-=-=-
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:-) (-:
:-) SANctuary.... (-:
:-) Originally written by Merv, (-:
:-) (wherever in hell he got it from, I dunno) (-:
:-) Edited by Havok Halcyon. (-:
:-) (-:
:-) Twas the Night Before Christmas... (-:
:-) (-:
:-) Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. (-:
:-) The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. (-:
:-) The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, (-:
:-) It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. (-:
:-) Mamma in her teddy and I in the nude, (-:
:-) Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. (-:
:-) When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, (-:
:-) That I lost my boner, and Mama went dry. (-:
:-) Up to the window I sprang like an elf, (-:
:-) Tore back the shade while she played with herself. (-:
:-) The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, (-:
:-) Shoved a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. (-:
:-) When what to my wondering eyes should appear, (-:
:-) But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. (-:
:-) With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, (-:
:-) A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. (-:
:-) Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, (-:
:-) And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. (-:
:-) "Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, (-:
:-) Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. (-:
:-) Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, (-:
:-) Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee." (-:
:-) They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, (-:
:-) Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. (-:
:-) And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, (-:
:-) As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. (-:
:-) I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass, (-:
:-) When down the chimney came Santa with a boom and a crash. (-:
:-) His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, (-:
:-) He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. (-:
:-) "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, (-:
:-) "The reindeer are pooped, so I'll just stay a short while" (-:
:-) He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink, (-:
:-) Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. (-:
:-) I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, (-:
:-) The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. (-:
:-) Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, (-:
:-) But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. (-:
:-) The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, (-:
:-) The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. (-:
:-) A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, (-:
:-) And six pair of panties, the edible kind. (-:
:-) A bra without nipples, a penis extension, (-:
:-) And several more things I shouldn't even mention. (-:
:-) A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, (-:
:-) And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. (-:
:-) "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, (-:
:-) So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." (-:
:-) He filled every stocking and then took his leave, (-:
:-) With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve. (-:
:-) He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, (-:
:-) Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. (-:
:-) In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch, (-:
:-) Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a bitch!" (-:
:-) The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, (-:
:-) "The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out!!" (-:
:-) (-:
:-) (-:
:-) Merry Chanukah (-:
:-) (I'm Jewish and **I** can't even spell that fregin' word) (-:
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