💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › fun › spam4.txt captured on 2023-06-14 at 16:40:22.
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[Never finished, was posted early by an overzelus follower]
The following text is the work of very insane people that
decided to be very annoying to some people in a nice and
large computer cluster. Please ignore all attempts by the
people in the cluster who wish to beat the authors of this
here text and all bloodstains that may be spotted on any
printed documents of this text --that is if you can find it
after the people who are not amused about the authors writing
this do.
Sit back, and enjoy.
TTTTT his is the story of Spam. The authors of this
T program wish to make it perfectly clear that this
T file is meant to be absolutely harmless to most and
T specific individuals. However, this file in its
T previous forms has been known to cause serious side
effects to the people who happened to pick up this
document that was lying on some coffee table in the
middle of nowhere. All of the side effects are not
known at this point as half of the population that
actually experienced these side effects would not
possibly dream to actually admit to these side
effects. Some of the side effects that actually
been reported are as follows:
~ Serious Addictions and cravings to demented sodas such as
Mello Yello and Moxie. We, of the Church of Spam, can
completely understand this cravings but we cannot be
responsible for any illegal trades for these substances such
as siblings and Kmarts.
~ Answering the phone "Yellow?"
~ Prasing other lifeforms and the start of a major movements
that are meant for the preservation of rare and endangered
life forms such as cows.
~ Going on demented rampages throughout the neighborhood
paintballing cats.
~ We are not going to mention any more side effects, as we
actually WANT YOU TO READ THIS AND SUFFER THE
CONSEQUENCES!!!!
[...we apologize for our last typer as he had drunk too much
mello yello before he got this. He has been severely
flogged and dragged out and pseudo-shot. Again, we
apologize for the interruption...]
HAIL Gavin!
Gavin "S.F.A." Healy, the previous Head Pope of Spam, has
been promoted to god-status within the parameters of the
known universe and now walks the earth with his never-ending
curls of hair that still give him the Nat-X look that he is
and always will be famous for. He is known for the tan
and brown sweater that he always has donned ever since the
beginning of time when all there was was Gavin, Arjaii, and
Spam.
Arjaii, also known as Raphael Dareau and other various
names that he is called by his girlfriend and his anti-
girlfriend. He can be easily identified by his tall and
normal heights and always carries a mysterious blue backpack
that he calls "Ton O' Fun". No one really knows what he
carries in there except for the "Avant Cow" hat and another
hat that no one has ever seen him wear yet. He has also been
known to paintball cats within his local neighborhood and
cause some anti-peaceful activities. Other than the unknown,
Arjaii carries copies of his programs that he is proud to
call his own (although some people are quite mystified about
why