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[ The National Enlightener. Vol: ][! ]
The issue everyone has been waiting for
is now on your computer screen! (or
piece of printout paper).
In this action packed ELITE issue, we
bring you: ELITE.Interviews!!!!!!!!!!!!
With mega-elite special guests! Just
read on.
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(Mega-Elite Interviews, will be given
in the time honored tradition of. ME:
AN:, as set down in the ELITE.Interview
rules of The Infiltraitor.)
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Speaking of The Infiltraitor..... (Drum
roll please) (thanks). here he is! The
master of the hidden walkman, The elite
audiophile, the writer of 800 sector
text files, Mr. "ME: AN:" Infiltraitor!
ME: It's so good of you to take time
out of your busy typing schedule to
show up for this interview.
AN: (fidgeting with hidden walkman). My
pleasure, really it is. Glad to be
here.
ME: Good, good. Now the question on the
minds of our readers is: What do
you do when you aren't typing up
conversations you had with ELITE!
people?
AN: Well I like to relax by cleaning
my walkman and counting my tape
collection. It's hard on the fingers
writing up huge text files you know.
ME: Actually, I don't know. Our's are
always short. But nevermind that,
what we really want to know, is
the answer to that nagging question
we have all been asking: WHY!??!?!?
AN: It had to be done you know. There is
no accurate journalism being done
now. Besides, it plastered my name
on every board in North America. I
get cool access everywhere, you
might even say I'm ELITE! now. But
don't quote me on that.
ME: We wouldn't do that... Well we
really must be moving along now,
we don't even have a word processor
that could fit a 200 sector file
into memory!
AN: Well don't worry, ELITEWRITER will
be out soon. Then you can write
like I do. Trample the most stupid
and trivial points into the dust,
have 8 hour conversationa with
people you catch on your way out
of the bathroom, use lots of verbs,
adjectives, even make up things at
random just to fill space!
ME: Sounds elite to us. Well drop in
when you finish part II.
AN: What part II?
ME: In the file you said you were doing
part II.
AN: Oh yes that. Well it's progressed
beyond that. So far it's 25 disk
sides long, hopefully I will finish
the next 75 sides this month, and
come out with the ELITE.CD-ROM!!!!!
With it you can look up any elite
person since the dawn of time, and
find out everything they ever said
in their lives. Totally elite huh?
ME: {Impressed. Emulating Inf's curly
cew's in deference to his obviously
ELITE idea.} That sounds awesome,
keep us posted!
AN: You bet, gotta go now, things to be
typed up you know.
ME: We understand.
AN: Bye
ME: Bye!
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Next up, is that master of english, the
undisputed king of b942'ers (sorry
Gadget Master, He's been doing it for
years, while you are new on the ware
mutilation scene), that prophet of
where the computer industry is headed,
the master programmer himself, The
"Buy an Amiga before Commodore goes out
of business" Atom!!!!!@!@#!@!1!@11!!!!!
ME: So good of you to show up!
AN: Yah, I knaw it is. My Tame is vary
taght raght naw.
{Conversions from the letter "a" to what
really belongs there, are courtesy of
out proofreading dept.}
ME: Innovative spelling style you got
there Atom.
AN: You trying to make fun of me? you
fucking Apple using moe.
ME: Perish the thought Atom. We wouldnt
do that to you.
AN: Good, now what you want, I have to
hurry home and get Stickybear AMiga
coloring disks 1-96.
ME: Ok, we understand. What we really
wanted to ask you is, when you're
not calling every board in the
world and ragging on anyone who
owns any computer other then a
Amiga, what do you do with your
time? We've had promises of
Thieves Guild ][, for years now,
you said you were doing a marble
madness adoption for the Apple,
and 500 other sundry things. So
what are you really doing now?
AN: Fuck you moe, It's not that I'm not
a great programmer, but it's the
Apple's fault, I gave it a chance, &
it didn't confer the secrets of
decent programming onto me overnight
so fucking fuck it. The Amiga rules,
do you understand me moe? it fucking
rules the world, it rox layk an ox,
its cool beyond words, it, it...it,
has PICTURES!@#!!@!@#@#@112!@!@!!1!
ME: Yes we underst...
AN: No you don't! it has awesome pix &
games and god it's great. God i'm
great. 5ive staR will reunite to
rock the AMiga world to it's found-
ations!
ME: Oh no..
AN: Was that a insult you fucking moe?
Don't fuck with me Crapple user.
ME: No, we wouldn't do that.
AN: Good you moe. And about thieves
guild ][. it rox all over proving
grounds, it is the best program
written since I did Disk Rigger &
Disk-Fer ///.
ME: ..... ah yes... it sounds just
awesome... will this one have lots
of spinning cursors too?
AN: FUck yes, it has a 196 phaze cursor
and upside-down flashing backspace
trik text m0d!
ME: Sounds great. Tell us, will there
be a 1986 lozerlist? Or was there
a 1985 lozerlist that we missed?
AN: Fuck you you fucking m0e kn0b fuck
stick. That's 0ne eyes fault, it
wasn't supposed to be given out.
It's not my fault!
ME: {Bowing down and recognizing the
Atom's ELITE COMMANDMENTS quote.}
Well, so why did you write it?
AN: Because it was the ELITE thing to
do fuckstick.
ME: Any comments on the un-elite
behavior of 0ne eye?
AN: What you fucking kn0b? he's elite,
he's never done anything unelite in
his life.
ME: Well we were reffering to him
knocking up some girl, dropping
out of high school, and having
a job as a bellboy.
AN: Fuck you, lies all lies, it's not
his fault that he's too dumb to use
birth control. I told him girls had
cooties, but he just wouldn't
listen to me. Look where it got him.
But he's still elite!!@#!@11@!@2!!!
ME: Well thank you for your time, any
departing comments?
AN: Yah, be looking forward to the 1986
userlist, which will be done as soon
as a word processor comes out for
the AMiga.
ME: It doesn't have a wor...
AN: Shut up kn0b, it rules, games are
more important. Now go away, I
have things to do.
ME: Thanks for your time. Bye bye
AN: Fuck off kn0b.
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That faithfull readers wraps up our
elite.(elite.journalist).interviews.
Be looking forward to our next issue,
coming to something near you soon!
Excerpts from issue ]I[:
------------------------
Actual un-retouched quotes of the
elites! Look and Learn!:
The (414 (innovative name)) Wizard
and his Cryt0n login system!
See Broadway Hacker ask stupid
questions!
See Mr. Xerox say everyone in the
world but him and his co-god lord
digital, suck!
See Zero Page rag on all the new
pirates and every member of LOD
to boot!
See The Tempest agree with him!
See King Blotto rag on everything!
See Mr. Krac-Man tell everyone to
fuck off!
See The Chief Surgeon Ragging on
Apple Bandit!
all this and much much more! the first
portion will be COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED
posts of the mentioned people. So they
can speak for themselves. Following
that will be our witty commentary &
exclusive (ELITE) Phreak <> Pirate
counterparts! mix & match personalities
of ELITE pirates & phreaks!@#!@#11@@!!2
Plus a EXCLUSIVE! Personality Analysis
of the ELITES! answering the question:
"Why are you elite?" once and for all!!
Don't miss it!!@#!@#121@!@!@@!!!!!!!!!!
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"I'm can't be wrong, I'm Elite" (C) The
National Enlightener. If it's not NE,
then it's not elite!
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