💾 Archived View for gemini.hackers.town › Wetdryvac › poetry › 00396_Shutting_Down.txt captured on 2023-06-14 at 15:46:13.
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=====> VacHaus provisionals <=====
/ / a TNtD (Try Not to Die) drop \\
A Poetry tDrop
by Wetdryvac
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Shutting Down
August 10, 1992
self defense
I suppose this is my legacy
you would not understand, you would understand
so I will tell ��
I once loved a woman
not as you love your wife, for I was young
but as you love a friend
she taught me a great deal about life
and she was always there
she was old enough to be my mother ��s mother
perhaps older
I do not know why she accepted me
I was, as I say, young ��
with all the traits of youth
yet she did, letting me stay over nights
when my home was too much to bear
she played cards with me, read my books
taught my love to read
she showed me nature, living little things
I believed that forever was a place
I did not believe in endings
one day she died, as old people will
she left me behind
I did not know what to do
the loss tore me apart, separated me from reality
reality hurt too much, so I let go
drifted for a while
able to grasp back only after a time
I adapted
I taught myself to love new friends
yet friends always disappeared one day
never to return
each time, release grew longer
I could not accept what happened to be
I wanted stability
I wanted forever
you may look at me all you want, today
but your closure remains at your side
I won ��t let your gap diminish
I discovered via repetition �� love kills too much
so I cast it aside
never let another in
for in the end they fracture, let in hurt
I remember forever ��
this is perhaps the worst
I feel each distance at its instance
I don ��t know how to release the moment
it seems the world is set on my destruction
I can ��t stop the love
all I can do is try to seal the inside
despite repeated failure
the world moves away from me
I have no solid ground
every time I love it ends in pain
but I need the denial
each day the absence is new
I wake and find it takes a moment to remember
my friends are dead and gone
drifted away
this is act creation
if your reality gets too close
I can ��t let you know
close begins the process of ripping free
spinning pain to keep you away
but worse to begin again
your disappearance is my needle
I compensate, retreating into myself
attempting rock in river
letting life flow by, letting it wet me well
but the river simply wears a hole
soon I fear all that will be left will be stainless
something so cold none can touch it
a falsehood, unreality
I am on my way there
when I see you, or one much like
or find a friend
but the river is patient
and I close in
soon I will be nothing
I cannot tell you how much this frightens me
some people are strong enough to accept the pain
I am simply hurting
I wonder at how nations war
each death another love shattered
and I look to the river washing at me
I have no answers
each and every one of my friends floating off
and soon I will be alone
the only way I see to be strong
is to never let life touch me
and soon I will be nothing but stainless
alone and untouched by my memories
I see it coming you know
though I am only defending self
and though the world scars me
I scar me more
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With thanks to the good folks at Hackers.Town for answering the very
n00best of questions, with the following people politely [REDACTED].
May your time go in a manner you consent to.
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IRC [REDACTED]
Poetry, Short Form, With Contact https://writing.exchange/@wetdryvac
Poetry, Long Form, With Contact https://landofkittens.social/Wetdryvac
Web https://www.wetdryvac.net
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Links https://linktr.ee/wetdryvac
MATRIX [REDACTED]
BBS [REDACTED]
Primary mastodon residence, With Contact https://hackers.town/@Wetdryvac
All the other coms access points [REDACTED]
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