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  =====>                      VacHaus provisionals                      <===== 
    / /                   a TNtD (Try Not to Die) drop                   \\    

                                 A Poetry tDrop

                                  by Wetdryvac
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Expectations
March 15, 1992

do you ever wonder what it is like to die
would you be surprised if I told you I knew
not first hand, of course
else this tale untold would be
but close, a friend of mine

her name is unimportant, a twist twixt her and me
to you, a nothing, unremembered
the face that death will enter slowly
a specter of night ��s shadow
she started easily, you know, lying on her bed
almost looking comfortable
just a wheeze and a drag on her cigarette
pale skun  ��
nothing really wrong  ��
youth so sure of everything

I came to visit every now and then
as her reality started to sift over me
thinner, straining to light her cancer sticks
inhaling destruction until the end
I watched her waste away, you see
the hardest part I have ever played alone
and always told her I was happy to be there
wanting only to look away
from how the pain set in

she would look at me unknowing
or lie and moan, cough up blood
what could I do
this was my friend

she left late one night
no one told me she was gone
just said, you can ��t go see her today
so I stayed home, not knowing death existed
I found out truth a few weeks later
no one bothered to tell me

parents
I give you this
it is your duty to tell children everything
the good and bad will reach them
best that first come words
I only knew my friend did not want to see me
later, only that she hadn ��t said goodbye

death was a place people visited
indeed a cruel beast, unfit for children
but that which is breaches barriers
do not think to save pain
for pain adds pain in the unreal
even as a child I knew the lie
never forgot

I still miss my friend
and I never forgave a lie
she doesn ��t want to see you today-
dead two weeks since, 
even a child could hear the lie
children see the world

this may be why my writing is
all that I see going wrong
for holding everything tight into myself
exposition or explode
and if I ever see a lie
therein bides my anger
memories more real than my now
and though I try to work it out
I can only write of it
for death is never spoken

you must never think again, my child
never trust or feel
for if you do not shut yourself away
you may loose your mind

and I did not know the answers
hurt in suspicion of the now
unable to look out of this shell
I know now that I died beside her
those many years ago
illusion ripped way, useless sheets
this you see is my why
how I know how to die 


:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    
    With thanks to the good folks at Hackers.Town for answering the very
    n00best of questions, with the following people politely [REDACTED].
    May your time go in a manner you consent to.
    
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    
    IRC [REDACTED]
    Poetry, Short Form, With Contact https://writing.exchange/@wetdryvac
    Poetry, Long Form, With Contact https://landofkittens.social/Wetdryvac
    Web https://www.wetdryvac.net
    KoFi https://ko-fi.com/wetdryvac
    Links https://linktr.ee/wetdryvac
    MATRIX [REDACTED]
    BBS [REDACTED]
    Primary mastodon residence, With Contact https://hackers.town/@Wetdryvac
    All the other coms access points [REDACTED]

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