💾 Archived View for gemini.hackers.town › Wetdryvac › poetry › 00259_Nobody_Home.txt captured on 2023-06-14 at 15:49:23.
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=====> VacHaus provisionals <=====
/ / a TNtD (Try Not to Die) drop \\
A Poetry tDrop
by Wetdryvac
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Nobody Home
February 20, 1992
I keep getting younger experience wise
I feel like the child sometimes
I lock every emotion taught to my soul
never let go
and so I asked to have a friend
but was so distant
never really in touch with them
so they could not know me
monolith
cast of unloving stone
my friends
those that still trust me
see only a smile
perhaps a bit twisted towards the side
but though I see them reaching out
daring to tell me how they are
I can never do the same for them
all promises I believed in were bent and broken
all secrets and lies told to the world
so I stopped talking
I say words
hold conversations that are meaningless
unable to tell who I am
I trust
but cannot believe
I love
but cannot show it
I distance myself without meaning to
to be cast in stone is not lonely safety
heavy at my mind, dragging me down
I received some advice this day of days
from someone who said they never knew me
I destroyed my chance to be close to them
but it all comes crashing down anyway
the pessimist persists
could be ��
the advice was this
come out of hiding
indifferent words
in different words
it does not matter what you say
if you get it all wrong, right it
but it must be said
that which is contained destroys ��
I guess I can see that
maybe knew it all along
but pain is never letting out
just sat there looking
silence locked away
it is the silence killing me now
or that which has killed mine
I know this
that I should not be blocked
changing nothing
making no difference
yet still I wander that lonely land
they showed me they could trust me
expected the same in return
I could not give
so it goes ��
I ended up feeling like a fool
I want to talk
but look ��
I have a barrier
that which I cannot step past
though I fight it in myself always
and now I seem to have more reasons
not to come out
the situation is changed
for the feeling deeply felt
cannot be uttered
to she who already knows her answers
and if not to her
the one I trust the most
than who?
this giver of advice told me also
I am not dragging others down
not by telling how I feel
why then, I ask
am I unable to communicate how I see
what I am?
I end up writing �� not even poetry
just musing on the paper screen
and though the world grabs words
it is not enough
I cannot unhide
ever digging though shell
every day afraid
that should I break it
I will find nothing on the other side
find that I am nothing
only void
soul without song
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With thanks to the good folks at Hackers.Town for answering the very
n00best of questions, with the following people politely [REDACTED].
May your time go in a manner you consent to.
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IRC [REDACTED]
Poetry, Short Form, With Contact https://writing.exchange/@wetdryvac
Poetry, Long Form, With Contact https://landofkittens.social/Wetdryvac
Web https://www.wetdryvac.net
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Links https://linktr.ee/wetdryvac
MATRIX [REDACTED]
BBS [REDACTED]
Primary mastodon residence, With Contact https://hackers.town/@Wetdryvac
All the other coms access points [REDACTED]
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