💾 Archived View for emisocks.com › stories › memory.gmi captured on 2023-06-14 at 14:11:20. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-01-29)
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The room was completely dark, save for the screen of a smartphone with its brightness turned way too high. Holding it was a goat man, only a few months younger than 35 years old, wearing only a white tank top and a pair of boxers, and lying in bed with his eyes half closed. He scrolled through the feeds of some of his favourite apps, switching back and forth between them, and trying to not let his eyes glance at the corner of the screen to confirm his suspicions that it was probably later than 2 AM already. The phone vibrated in his hands, and a notification popped up.
[spicelord2] hey len! you awake?
Without so much as blinking, he tapped the notification and typed in a response.
[ThaLen] hey spicy, whats up
[spicelord2] oh cool, you are. thought it would be late over there
He inadvertently glanced at the top of the screen. 3:11 AM.
[ThaLen] nah its a totally reasonable time
[spicelord2] not sure i believe that but sure. anyways might as well tell you now, i'll probably be asleep by the time you wake up
[ThaLen] tell me?
[spicelord2] you know how you've been saying you're feeling kinda lonely lately?
Lennart let out a sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. His online friend certainly wasn't wrong. Lennart had little to no social interaction lately. He worked remotely from home, his local friends from high school and college had all moved out of the city or slowly lost contact with him, and his internet friends all lived in drastically different timezones which never seemed to line up with his well enough for a longer videogame session.
[ThaLen] yea a little. what about it, you gonna invite me to another guild? that didnt work well last time
[spicelord2] nono, it's not that. just wanted to introduce you to someone
Lennart raised an eyebrow.
[ThaLen] huh?
[spicelord2] just someone i think you'd get along with. would you like that?
[ThaLen] sure i guwss
[ThaLen] guess*
[spicelord2] okay so this is going to be kinda weird but bear with me alright?
The following message contained simply a link. Lennart recognized the address. It was Anomaly, a pretty obscure blog about fictional supernatural entities that he had read from time to time. It was presented as though they were real creatures, which was a fun twist and made for some fairly entertaining reading. He tapped on the link, and as the page loaded, he started reading the block of text that appeared in front of him.
"Anomaly JR-912 is one of the most dangerous creatures we have covered so far. Not as bloodthirsty as MT-117, or as intelligent as PL-808, but because of its psychological horror. JR-912 is an infohazard: that is, the mere knowledge of it is what causes it to exist inside one's head. If you're reading this, I'm sorry to say that it's too late. Anomaly JR-912 has already infected your thoughts. It feeds on your memories, leaving blanks in your thoughts until you cannot remember the most basic things. There is no current known way to fight off JR-912. I am truly sorry for exposing you to JR-912, but the world deserves to know the truth if we are to have a chance at fighting it."
Lennart couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.
[ThaLen] alright thats a pretty interesting story. what does it have to do with the person you were tellin me about tho
[ThaLen] oh shit is it the blog author. do you know them
[spicelord2] nope, it's JR-912! turns out it's real, but it's not like going to feed off your memories or anything. it's actually pretty friendly
Lennart's brow furrowed. It was a little too late at night for this nonsense. He started to type a response.
[ThaLen] listen spicy im not in the mood for jokes, if youre not actually going to introduce me to anyone im going to sleep
Before he could hit the "send" button, though, a voice echoed through his head.
- He's right, you know.
- GYAH!
Lennart leapt out of bed, dropping his phone in the process, which landed with its screen facing up and dimly lighting up the room. He looked towards the door nervously, but it was still closed. His head turned to either side in confusion, before the voice spoke up again.
- Sorry. I try to not startle people like that but it seems like it's never a good time.
It was... hard to describe. It didn't sound like the voice of anyone he knew. Heck, it didn't even sound like he was hearing it at all. It was like it was... inside his head.
- Wha... what...
- Yeah. Hi. I'm JR-912. You're... Lennart, correct?
His head spun around, trying fruitlessly to locate the person in the room.
- Where... where are you?!
A sigh resonated in his head.
- Listen, I'm sorry. Maybe this is not the best time. We should talk in the morning when you haven't been awake for... twenty hours? Jeez, okay, yes, you should go to sleep. We can talk tomorrow.
Just as quickly as it came, the voice vanished. Lennart took a moment to breathe, then picked up his phone and deleted the message he typed, replacing it for a new one.
[ThaLen] what the HELL spicy
[ThaLen] is this some kinda prank
[spicelord2] nonono i promise it's real! i thought you and JR-912 would make good friends
[spicelord2] i assume you've talked already? i'll let you two get to that then
Lennart stood there, holding his phone, for a solid minute, trying to process what just happened. The voice did not come back. He set his phone down on his nightstand, jumped into bed once more and closed his eyes. Clearly this was a problem for future Lennart to deal with.
---
The next morning, Lennart sat up in bed, letting out a loud yawn and stretching his arms up over his head. He stared at the absolutely fascinating plain white wall in front of him for a couple minutes, before deciding that it might be a good idea to get up. As his hooves touched the floor, he couldn't help but think about last night. He had a weird dream, apparently, about some entity that invaded people's thoughts...
- Nope, still here. That wasn't a dream.
He froze. There was that voice again. After a couple seconds, he cautiously spoke up, even though there was no one else in the room with him.
- S-so... you're really here? This is not a joke?
- Nuh-uh. This is a common reaction, though. Some people don't believe it at all. I'm used to it.
- Well. Okay. Right. So there's someone in my head now. Makes sense. No big deal.
- Right, hi! Let's try the introductions thing again. The name's JR-912. Pleased to meet you!
- Uh. Same to you, I think.
Lennart stood in silence for a moment.
- Listen, you'll understand that this is a lot to take in. Are you really an infohazard?
- Ugh. Okay, so. I don't really like that name. I'm not hazardous, despite what some people write about me on the internet. I don't want to harm anyone! I'm a memetic entity, if you wanna use the proper words. And I'd prefer it if you didn't call this an "infection", either.
- Well, you're kinda... invading people's minds without permission, aren't you? Isn't that, well... you know... really bad?
- Yeah, but it's kind of inevitable. If you don't want me around, though, I can leave.
- You can? Well, maybe you should...
- I can leave with time. I'll just be quiet from now on, and you'll eventually forget about this whole thing. I only exist in memories, really, so if you forget about me, I'm gone for good.
- Wait, but that's kind of like murder, isn't it?
- No, no, I still exist in other people. Like your friend Spicy, for example. I'd be perfectly fine.
Lennart stood there for a moment, before taking a few steps forward in silence, heading towards the bathroom while lost in thought. He glanced at the mirror over the sink, and then at the toilet.
- Uh, could I have a little privacy at least?
- Well, I'd love that, but I can't exactly... turn off. It comes with, you know, existing.
- Okay, that is a little invasive.
- Sorry. But it's not like I've never seen you naked, anyways. It's fine.
- Y-you have? When?! Have you been around for longer?
- Well, no, but you remember seeing yourself naked, don't you?
- ... what, you can read thoughts too?
- Uh, not exactly thoughts. More like memories. It's not like I choose to read them either, they just kind of happen around me. Again, I'm sorry, but there's not much I can do about it.
Lennart reached up and rubbed one of his horns, letting out a sigh.
- It's fine, I guess. You can't exactly help it.
---
After leaving the bathroom and having breakfast, Lennart sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. As the monitor came to life, he mechanically punched a few commands into the keyboard, opened up three different programs and started typing something down, periodically switching between them. The voice in his head spoke up again.
- So I've been looking through your work memories and... what do you work as, exactly? I don't think I get it.
Lennart responded without taking his eyes off the screen or his hands off the keyboard.
- The big shots at this company want to modernize their systems. Something about "digital transformation" or some nonsense like that. Problem is, their legacy database is such a piece of trash that it doesn't even support copying and pasting. Someone has to transcribe all of this accounting data into a proper spreadsheet.
- By hand.
- Yeah.
- And that "someone" is you.
- Yeah.
- But that sounds mind numbing.
- Yeah.
- Why would anyone even design a program like that?
- I ask myself that same question every day.
The voice went quiet for a while. Lennart kept typing away for about an hour, switching from spreadsheet to spreadsheet and typing in number after number. When he was about to tab to the other program for the hundredth time, he heard the voice again.
- That one's a "Hughes Electronics" line.
Lennart paused for a moment. He switched to the other program to check the data.
- ... huh, you're right. How did you know? I didn't remember that.
- You glanced at it, so it was in your short term memory. You might not have been able to access it, though. Brains kinda suck at that.
- Do you remember the amount?
- Sixty thousand one hundred and twenty six.
- Column?
- Second.
He input the data, and then tabbed into the other program to double check. It was right.
- Well.
- Yeah, I thought I'd save you the trouble. Seems like switching between the programs is what takes up most of your time.
- Listen, uh, do you think you could dictate the rest of the lines to me? If you do that I think I can finish this in like... what, a third of the time it usually takes?
- Sure! I'm happy to help. It's not like I have anything better to do anyways.
---
When he was finished, Lennart leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms up over his head.
- Alright, I have to admit it, that was really cool. I can clock out way earlier than usual. Maybe I can actually catch Journey live.
- See? I can be useful!
- Yeah. Thanks, J... uh...
- JR-912.
- Right. Do you mind if I just call you Jay?
- Jay? Huh.
- Sorry, I can try to remember your name if you prefer.
- No, no, it just surprised me. Most people come up with a nickname for me, but believe it or not you're the first to suggest Jay. Sure! I like it.
Lennart smiled to himself and got up from his desk, walking over to the kitchen to grab a can of soda from the fridge before sitting down at his living room. He turned on the TV and closed his eyes, not paying much attention to the background noise.
- ... you're thinking about what to do about me, aren't you?
- I thought you couldn't read my mind.
- I can't, but it's kind of obvious. Look, if you're really that shaken up about this, I'll just be quiet and-
- No. It's fine.
- ... huh?
- It's fine. Spicy did have a point, I've been locked up in this apartment for a long time, getting groceries delivered and everything. It's been a long time since I had someone to talk to. Maybe it will do me some good after all.
- There we go, that's the spirit!
- Heh. You're a cheerful one, Jay. I didn't know ideas could have a personality.
- Yeah, well, neither did I, but here I am!
He smiled. Maybe a little positivity was just what we needed.
- Anyways, why'd you turn on the TV if you're not watching it?
- Oh, there's a show that I watch called Galactic Journey. Starts in about, uh... five minutes.
- Oooooh, science fiction? Can I join?
- Is it possible for you to not join?
- Well... no. But I can be quiet about it.
- It's fine. I usually only talk about it with people on the forum. Would be a nice change of pace to have someone else. It's a little... convoluted, though, so if you haven't watched the earlier episodes it might be hard to follow.
- Oh, that won't be a problem! I'll just review your memories of it, give me a moment.
Only a few seconds passed in silence before the voice spoke up again.
- What the HECK.
- Oh, done already? That was fast.
- What is this show? Did the starship just absorb the dying captain's soul causing it to develop its own personality? Did they launch one star into another, bigger star to generate a big enough burst of energy to time travel? Did they invent synthetic lifeforms, but completely separate from robots and cyborgs which already exist?
- Yeah, that's just last season though. There's a lot more before that.
- Oh trust me, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the questions I have.
- So does that mean you don't wanna watch with me then?
- Are you kidding me? I have never been more intrigued by anything. Please let me watch.
- Heh, alright.
He picked up the remote from the table and raised the volume just at the title card faded into the screen and the show's theme song started playing.
---
Many hours later, Lennart was lying in bed, tapping at his phone.
[spicelord2] so how did it go
[ThaLen] actually hes a lot of
Before he could finish typing his sentence he got interrupted by Jay.
- I'm not a "he", you know. I'm an "it".
- Ah, sorry.
He quickly corrected the sentence.
[ThaLen] actually its a lot of fun we talked a bunch about gj
[spicelord2] i knew you'd get along! when i met it i immediately thought of you
[ThaLen] thanks man i appreciate it <3
[spicelord2] anytime my dude <3 you two have fun
He locked his phone and left it on the nightstand, before rolling over onto his back.
- You know, I'm still kind of in shock about the ending of that chapter.
- Yeah, that's how Galactic Journey usually goes.
- I mean, he fused with the central reactor, right? That lets him control every synthetic in the entire planet. How are they even going to resolve this?
- I have a couple theories based on how season 12 ended.
- Ah, the starship thing, right? They have established that waves of ryonic energy can reverse the process.
- Yeah, exactly. And the only ryonic generator left is...
- Inside the cyborg companion!
- Heheh. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
- What's so funny?
Lennart was smiling to himself.
- Oh, nothing. It's just been a while since I've been able to talk about this with anyone who actually cared about the show.
- Well, you did say you had a forum, right... oh. Ooooooh no.
- You peeked into the memory of that, huh?
- Yeah. That's, um... not a great community. Why are you even still in there?
- It's just hard to find people to talk about the show with.
- But I can see that it makes you miserable every time you open it! I honestly think you should just delete your account and let those jerks rot in their own negativity.
- I mean, I guess. There's some nice people there though, and they don't really deserve to be left alone in there...
- Hey. You have to think of yourself every once in a while. Trying to emotionally support a place like that all by yourself is just going to be awful.
- ...
- Ah. Am I being too pushy? Sorry.
- No, you're right. Tomorrow I'll send DMs to the two actually nice people who are left in there and then leave for good. Being in there is just not good for me.
- That's what I like to hear. Proud of you, Len.
- Heh, Len? Already on a nickname basis?
- Ah. Was that too forward? I'm sorry...
- Nah, it's fine. I mean, you HAVE seen me naked already.
They both chuckled together for a moment, and then fell silent, each lost in thought.
- Listen, the offer to stay quiet and just let this whole thing pass is still standing. I understand that suddenly having someone else that sees everything you do is quite the shock.
- ... I'll think about it, okay? For the moment, I think you're good.
- Right. Thank you.
- On the condition that you help me with work tomorrow too.
- Wow, taking advantage of the situation, are we?
- Haha, I'm joking, of course. I'm not going to make you work for free.
- It's alright, I'm joking too. I really don't mind helping out. And like I said, it's not like I have anything better to do!
---
A few weeks had passed since then. Lennart was sitting at the dining room table, eating a sandwich. Somewhat surprisingly, the TV was off.
- So Jay, you never told me about your origin story.
- Origin?
- Yeah, you know. How you came to be. Memetic entities aren't exactly common.
- Well, I don't think I have a fun story to tell, unfortunately. I've been here since any of my hosts can remember.
- Huh?
- Alright, so this gets a little complicated, but I can't really "remember" anything because I'm kind of a memory myself. The only things I know are the things that my current hosts know about me.
He took a bite, letting it finish.
- So, for example, if I'm in someone's head and they die, I can't access those memories anymore, because they don't currently know about me. They don't know anything, cause they're dead. For all I know, I could have been here for thousands of years.
- Or you could have been created in a lab twenty years ago. Maybe you were a person before! But then some experiment went wrong in a secret government facility, and then one of the researchers vanished from existence, only retained as a memory in the heads of their coworkers...
- Heheh. A very cinematic story, but that's not possible. One of my hosts has known me for at least forty years.
- Government cover up. Brainwashing.
- And which government is that, if I may ask?
- You know. THE government.
- Ah yes. The only one that exists. The one that totally has secret labs everywhere.
- Yeah, see? Now you get it.
He took another bite.
- In all seriousness, though, I get it. It doesn't really matter to me where you come from. You're your own person. Or... well, are you a person? Do you like to be called that?
- Hmmmmm. Well, I sort of am, but also not really. I could go either way.
- Either way?
- What IS a person, really?
- Well, it's... uh...
- It wasn't an actual question, Len. I just think you people tend to give specific words a lot more importance than they have.
- Alright, I guess that's fair. By "you people", you mean... You said you have other hosts too, right?
- Oh yeah. Seven hundred and fifty two, right now.
- Seven hundred-!
- Fifty three. Someone else just got told about me!
- So you're seeing that happen right now?
- Yeah! Ah, they're freaking out as usual. I'll have to give them some space.
- That has to be pretty intense. How do you keep up with all of that?
- Well, I don't really have a single brain like you do. I guess you could call it distributed computing.
Lennart picked up his empty plate and carried it to the sink.
- I'll tell you something, though. Most people who choose to keep me around just go about their lives without paying much attention to me and only bring me up when they're bored. Some even forget about me without meaning to. You're the only one who is actively making me a part of their life.
- Woah, really?
- Well, that I know of. Maybe it happened in the past and the person died. But right now, yeah.
- That's surprising! You're pretty awesome, Jay. I'm glad to have you around.
- Awwww. I love you too, you big softie.
- H-hey, who said anything about love?
- Well, isn't that what you meant?
- Kind of! I don't know. That's a strong word!
- Heh, you're getting all flustered. Okay, okay, I'll back off.
Lennart rested his backside against the counter, his cheeks turning slightly red under his white fur.
- In any case, Len, whatever you want to call it, thank you for talking to me frequently and watching shows with me and such. It gets pretty boring in someone's mind when they don't pay attention to you.
- Of course. I've been pretty lonely in here, so it's good to have someone else around. I barely set foot outside of the apartment anymore. Tangentially, that's why I look, uh, less than presentable a lot of the time.
- Why's that? You look quite handsome when you dress up a bit.
- Y-yeah, I guess so, but what's the point of it if I'm only going to be in here?
- The point is to look nice! You don't have to, of course, but if you want to, I don't see why you wouldn't.
- Well, isn't it kind of pointless?
- How so?
- Who's going to see it?
- You.
- That doesn't count!
- Why not?
- ...
- Why are you any less important than anyone else? Take a shower, brush your fur, trim your beard, try on a couple of those nice shirts you keep in your closet. The only person you need to look good for is yourself.
- ...
- What?
- Your enthusiasm is contagious, you know?
- Does that mean you're going to do it?
- Yeah, heck with it. Why not?
- Nice!! Alright, get your butt off that couch, loser. We're playing dress up today.
---
"Hi ThaLen,
Just wanted to let you know that the GalacticJ fansite has been an incredible community to be in for the past couple of months, and I wanted to contribute to the site. I know this is a small donation, but I really hope it helps keep the lights on for a little while!
Sincerely, CapnPhoenix"
- You seeing this, Jay?
Lennart sat in front of his computer with a wide grin on his face.
- Yep. You really are doing an amazing job with this community, you know?
- Heh, come on, it's not that much.
- No, really. People are really happy to have an actually positive place to talk about a show they like.
- And how do you know that?
- Need I remind you that three of my hosts are also members of the site?
- Okay, yeah, that's true.
- I COULD brag about being acquaintances with the owner of the fansite. But I don't. Because I am very mature. And humble.
- "Acquaintances", huh? Is that what we are?
- ...
Lennart leaned back in his chair, with his hands behind his head, and crossed his legs.
- Hey, Len?
- Yeah?
- What ARE we? Are we, like, a couple? I'm not sure I ever understood that concept, but we have been living together and doing stuff together for like... what, half a year now? And out of all my hosts you are the one that matters most to me. So I don't... know what to call it.
He smiled to himself.
- I must be rubbing off on you. Weren't you the one who said that people give too much importance to words?
- Yeah... Yeah, I suppose you're right. I guess what matters is whether you're happy with this arrangement.
- I am. And I'd say it also matters whether YOU are happy.
- Me? Yeah. I like this. I like you.
- I love you too, Jay.
- Eh, I dunno about that. That's a strong word.
- Oh, shush.
- Hey, before you try to come up with another snarky response, it's almost time for Journey.
- Oh! Already?
He checked his wrist watch, then got up to his hooves and raced to the living room, quickly turning on the TV and turning the volume up.
- It's a season finale, after all. Wouldn't want to miss it, would you?
- Of course. Today we're finding out whether I'm right about the main character and the villain being alternate timeline versions of the same person!
- Oh, you and your wild theories.
The title card faded into the screen and the show's theme started playing.