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2022-03-04
A graphical summary of the problem.
There have been
about the technical and political reasons for Roscosmos taking a stacked rocket with an integrated commercial payload off the pad, and so I won't get into that. I will instead discuss how those are all post-hoc rationalizations for the tiny vodka-drunk, knife-wielding gremlin wearing a red-starred ushanka that Dmitri Rogozin has hopping around inside the empty place in his skull where his brain should be. You see, I'm convinced nobody told him to destack the rocket - it's actually MORE expensive to do that than to just light the thing off and send it to orbit. No, this was entirely Rogozin's own power trip for his own (bad) reasons.
The first thing you have to understand about Rogozin is that, like 98% of space program leaders not named Elon Musk, he is clinically retarded. A ten year old child could tell you it costs less money to reuse your toys than to break them and buy new ones with your allowance over and over again, but aerospace CEOs will insist, drooling on to their "MOMMY'S SPECIAL ROCKET BOY" bibs, that expendable rockets in the same weight class are somehow still competitive with SpaceX on price. This is bullshit, of course. I assume these CEOs and chairmen and generals are not actively lying to their superiors/shareholders, so I can only conclude they are imbeciles who can't do basic math. Note that disability does not hurt someone's ability to gain an executive position these days.
The Governor of California is illiterate.
The CEO of Apple is sexually attracted to male anuses.
It seems like the ability to say "I don't know" to literally any question under oath and sign whatever is put in front of you allows people without legal responsibilities to run large organizations like puppet shows with no accountability, and thus is attractive in executives these days.
The second thing you have to understand about Rogozin is that he's so tone deaf and out of touch he makes Hellen Keller look like a Hollywood starlet. Observe:
Rogozin eats his words about broomsticks.
In what universe did Rogozin think that was a smart move? Forcing the US to rely on domestic rockets is functionally equivalent to signing a billion dollar check to Elon's catgirl engineering fund at SpaceX - there's nobody else capable of doing domestic heavy lift right now until the BE-4 engines are ready (and where are they, Jeff?). Funding SpaceX doesn't just support the Falcon rockets that are *already* undercutting Roscosmos on price per kilogram to orbit, it also funds Starship development. Starship is useful enough to the US Department of Defense that Putin would probably have Rogozin shot for treason if he realized the implications of indirectly funding Starship development.[1] Starship makes Brilliant Pebbles possible, unlocks orbital refueling for the US Space Force, allows delivery of 150 tons of military cargo anywhere in the world in an *hour*, and is large enough to capture enemy satellites and return them to Earth exactly like the Air Force wanted the Shuttle to do... only for 1% the cost and 750% the payload capacity.
Not only is Rogozin an imbecile, he's also got major problems retaining talent at Roscosmos. The "mysterious" hole drilled in an ISS module, Nauka's absurd thruster misfires, a 10% mission loss rate on what should be extremely well understood Proton rockets, years of delays getting the Vostochny launch complex ready, and now *stealing* a customer payload off the launchpad, all point to Rogozin being just another post-Soviet gopnikrat who inherited a position he was deeply unqualified for because everyone else died or emigrated after the 1991 collapse. This shows the incredible foresight of the US State Department and NASA transforming Space Station Freedom (which would have been much more impressive technically) into the ISS. The ISS kept the competent ex-Soviet space folks busy until they all died or retired, rather than selling their services to third world dictators or Russia developing the Energia/Buran into a real competitor to the Space Shuttle. This has been accomplished, and the Soviet education system for churning out new aerospace engineers never recovered, and so now the US government is willing to consider deorbiting the ISS in a few years.
March 4th 2022 will be forever considered the day Russian space ambitions died, and it's all because Dmitri Rogozin couldn't just launch the damn Soyuz with OneWeb's satellites instead of causing an international incident in the middle of a shooting war. Congratulations to the Russian commander who tried shelling a nuclear power plant, you are no longer the biggest fucktard of the week!
[1]: Rogozin was "promoted" to leader of a region of Ukraine that is currently being retaken by the Ukrainian army with assistance from US satellite intelligence several months after this post was originally written. I think Putin gets it now.
Since the web version of this post was written, Rogozin got his dick blown off in a HIMARS strike on his birthday party.
Troons on Twitter are bitching that he skipped the line for "bottom surgery," which really tells you everything you need to know about those psychotic eunuchs.
