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I'm glad you're with us now, friend, and you avoided becoming any of those things. I totally agree with everything you've said. Nothing is in a vacuum, and nobody becomes an incel or white supremacist "just because." There are material conditions in this late-capitalist hellscape that compel people to do so. All that is holy has been profaned, all that is solid has been melted into air, "there is no society," and we're just left as naked individuals without any guiding meta-narratives or sense of community outside of things that are useful to the replication and expansion of capital. (Almost) everybody can be reached, and I think you do that by improving their lives without regard for their beliefs. Debate never seems to work. What does work is empathy and giving back autonomy and power over their lives, making them better in the process. Lots of work to do!
I couldn't have said it better.
The key point is to make sure that the improvements to their (and our) lives isn't solely material, as that I think would just reinforce whatever status quo there is.