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Fortune cookies

Authors: Nova[有線魔女] <novaburst@envs.net>

Date: 17 Jun, 2021

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

-- Tallulah Bankhead

A computer, to print out a fact,

Will divide, multiply, and subtract.

But this output can be

No more than debris,

If the input was short of exact.

-- Gigo

Conversation, n.:

A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath

is called the listener.

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his

thumb with a hammer.

-- Marshall Lumsden

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

-- Jawaharlal Nehru

Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche

-- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea. For instance,

my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off

the fence." I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was

undoubtedly true.

-- Solomon Short

Age, n.:

That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we

still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise

to commit.

-- Ambrose Bierce

A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.

-- Prof. Steiner

We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last

theorem.

-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to

socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The

bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say

socialism?

-- Fidel Castro

Chism's Law of Completion:

The amount of time required to complete a government project is

precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

-- Herbert Prochnow

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

-- Bill Hoest

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is

lightly greased.

-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

I think that I shall never see

A billboard lovely as a tree.

Perhaps, unless the billboards fall

I'll never see a tree at all.

-- Ogden Nash

Pig, n.:

An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race

by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is

inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot

platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave

that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska.

The world's as ugly as sin,

And almost as delightful.

-- Frederick Locker-Lampson

Main's Law:

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Some primal termite knocked on wood.

And tasted it, and found it good.

And that is why your Cousin May

Fell through the parlor floor today.

-- Ogden Nash

"The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity

that would be clearly understood."

-- Alexander Haig