💾 Archived View for drunkpigeon.cities.yesterweb.org › Writings › Life-Gripes › 2022 › youre-acting.… captured on 2023-05-24 at 17:52:39. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-04-26)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I hate it everytime I'm told to "stop acting." I was told to "stop acting" when the sleep bullshit kicked in(discussed in another entry) and I was still falling asleep in school after 12 hours of sleep. I was told my whole life that "you're not trying" when I was already considering killing myself because of how useless I was. I was told to 'stop acting'when my stomach decided to start fucking up for no reason(for real, I got a colonoscopy and they didn't find anything) and I started getting these painful burps throughout the day. I was told to "stop thinking that way," or "stop acting" by a different name, assuming that my sexual orientation or my partner are a style choice, once my mom was once again forced to accept that I truly was just queer. I'm never believed and then I'm supposed to act surprised and disturbed when my mother says I'll give her another health condition. I've stopped trying to make people believe the truth. I just want to leave this house, and if I wasn't responsible for my sister's existance I would have done it long ago. If I wouldn't have than I'm just a bitch.
"Stop acting" is just one of those phrases that means the opposite of what it literally says. When they say "stop acting", they really mean "Act like you're straight. Act like you're healthy. Act like you're a normal kid. Act like you hate these people because of a church that didn't want you in its halls to begin with, long before you learned that you were something it considered a freak of nature." I'm mad because the only way I'll ever stop hearing "it's an act" in this house is to put on an even greater act for the rest of my life here(even though, ideally, that would only be for another year or so). I'm being punished for being honest.