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< Paradise by the brick-n-mortar math remediation light

I get that you're probably burned out as a teacher, but as somebody who used to be one of the demonic 10% I'd like you to bear in mind that none of the kids are paid to be there, have a say in whether they go to school at all let alone which school they attend, and if they aren't happy they're expected to just suck it up and deal. The kids that act out do so because nobody bothered to teach them sensible coping methods for dealing with a situation that feels a lot like imprisonment to a kid who's never actually been in prison. They take it out on you because you're handy, and can't reach the people and systems that are the actual cause of their misery.

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~inquiry wrote:

> I get that you're probably burned out as a teacher, but as
> somebody who used to be one of the demonic 10% I'd like you
> to bear in mind that none of the kids are paid to be there,
> have a say in whether they go to school at all let alone
> which school they attend, and if they aren't happy they're
> expected to just suck it up and deal. The kids that act out
> do so because nobody bothered to teach them sensible coping
> methods for dealing with a situation that feels a lot like
> imprisonment to a kid who's never actually been in prison. They
> take it out on you because you're handy, and can't reach the
> people and systems that are the actual cause of their misery.

I've beared (bore?) (secondary connotations of 'bore' have me hesitant about it) it in mind.

In turn, I need you to bear in mind that I'm 60, I was the recipient of mostly "suck it up and deal" and the absence of being taught 2022 sensible coping methods (I mean, fuck, it was the late 1960s and then 1970s.. which I suspect people your age consider even darker ages than those typically described thusly), and that's what worked for me. Am I a bastion of "self actualization" or whatever the fuck it's called today (oh wait.. it's coming in... three... two... *WOKE* is the term, I believe...)? No. But I provided for people along the way, wound up with damned decent jobs, managed to save, and can literally retired from working any time I want.

So all my actual, "inner data" says "suck it up and deal" combined with the absence of being taught 2022 sensible coping methods *works*, leading to being more than a little empathy challenged. It's kind of weird how even the most insane associations lead to theories that, mentally repeated enough, suddenly become Reality Itself. I... I... I yi yi....

Super rough night and morning, here. I'll likely never return to school again. I'm devastated that I set out to teach and inspire, but instead - though the magic of having to deliver grades - feel as though I've given dozens of mostly innocent kids and mostly vastly unqualified parents (I'm an expert on that subject, having been one myself..) good reason to despise me. It's a vile, hopelessly impossible environment for someone with any sense of compassion for others in times of faster-than-instant judgement.

I'm 5'11", and dropped from 184lbs to 166lbs since attempting this insanely mislabeled profession back in August. And I have a big bowl of ice cream a couple hours after almost every dinner. It's really weird. My wife says stress-induced cortisol abundance affects different bodily systems different ways.

And I can't tell you how badly I want a cigarette! I've maybe eight or so left (Marlboro light menthol "short", FWIW), but having not had one since before COVID somewhat ravaged me at the beginning of the year, I poorly hid the pack (iykwim) thinking maybe it was nicotine racing my system into this weight loss. But, my God, I had a couple glasses of 80 proof whatever last night, and how I managed to not suck one down in what I consider perfect bodily conditions to enjoy one, I'll likely never know.

Like I think I wrote elsewhere, this is quite the magical plane, but easily polluted by thoughts making it seem as though I'm elsewheres and/or elsewhens. I've this gorgeously snow-covered scene out a couple large windows in this "family room" before me, but am somehow consumed by thoughts of ending my participation in the so-called real world over the stupidity of over-valuing the thoughts of kids and their parents.

And I think I could choke to death laughing hysterically over the ridiculousness of expressing such to strangers in a "place" where it'll mostly go ignored, or at least not responded to anywhere nearly quickly enough to match the impatience I've perfect over six decades.

The internet pioneer cum math teacher in me suddenly thinks it's all just so LOL ROFL to the dividing by zero infinity power insanely (and inanely, haha) ridiculous....