💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › replies › 5591 captured on 2023-04-26 at 16:53:48. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-01-29)
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I've been so letting go of programming the last year or so that I doubt I could apply for a job involving coding without feeling immense guilt that I was attempting to pull the hash table wool over an employer's eyes.
I used to feel a strong urge to automate and/or integrate whatever I could. But lately that's felt as meaningful as, I dunno... playing craps? I know in advance the odds of such endeavor feeling rewarding as much as I know the odds of winning a don't pass line bet - including the part about the house payout being carefully designed to guarantee they win despite it being the best bet in the house.
I did create a couple "gemlogs" of late (mirrors of each other... redundancy, doncha know), and have enjoyed adding installments to them. But the joy is the sort I felt as a kid hiding paper notes in book sleeves at the library, knowing whoever found them might be intrigued, but never know who did it - as opposed to attempting to garner and write for an audience.
Once upon a time - including as recently as, say, several months ago - I thought I might have some wisdom to share, and/or that details of things happening in my life might be interesting to others. But that sense has all but evaporated. It's a lesson I should have learned from performing music out, really, where I've gone into venues all gung ho, but it's all of ten minutes before everyone's talking to each other instead of listening anyway.
(I guess I shouldn't have been surprised in my attempt to go into teaching that I basically spoke to the open air as students threw paper balls and airplanes, ran around the room, etc., having fallen close to the trees that populate most music audiences I've encountered.)
I'm quite grateful to have been invited to this pub, being one of the few places I've felt as though interaction based on others actually paying attention with intent to understand takes place.