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2015-03-11 02:20:59
Dorie Clark
March 10, 2015
Some people line up lunches and coffee dates because they re in search of a
job, venture funding, or clients for their company. But if that s the reason
you re having a networking meeting, you and your invitee aren t likely to
get much satisfaction. As Harvard Business School professor Francesca Gino and
her colleagues have noted, transactional networking i.e., networking with
the goal of advancement often makes participants feel so bad about
themselves, they feel dirty.
That doesn t mean you should never initiate meetings if you have a specific,
immediate goal in mind. But that shouldn t be confused with networking. If
you re honest with your intentions upfront ( I have a new startup, I m seeking
angel funding, and I think you d be a great partner ), then the other person
can make an informed decision about whether to connect. But networking
meeting with the goal of building a robust set of connections over time is a
different process with its own set of best practices. Here s how to do it
successfully.
Research in order to find a commonality. How do you build an immediate
connection? According to psychologist Robert Cialdini, the answer is to find a
commonality with the other person as quickly as possible. If you happen to meet
someone at a conference, you can steer the conversation and try to dig for
possibilities (perhaps you might live in the same neighborhood or have kids the
same age), but with a pre-planned networking meeting, you have an edge that
surprisingly few people take full advantage of: the ability to research the
person online beforehand.
Using LinkedIn, Twitter, and other online search results, you can almost
certainly find something you share that will serve as a conversation starter. A
shared alma mater, hobby, or professional interest can quickly get the person
to see you as a peer and someone on their team. Starting with a commonality,
and then branching into some thoughtful prepared questions about them and their
business, will ensure the discussion gets off to a good start. (And help you
avoid painfully hackneyed queries like, What keeps you up at night? )
Meet in person if possible. In a globalized world, geography often intervenes.
Last week, I had an initial call with a friend-of-a-friend in Singapore, and we
re not likely to connect in person anytime soon. A phone call is a good start
(they ll at least remember your name and know something about you), but it s a
much weaker form of connection than the alternatives. Video conferences are
slightly better; as I describe in my forthcoming book Stand Out, my friend John
Corcoran, a Bay Area podcaster, makes sure to conduct his interviews with Skype
s video feature, even though he only uses the audio tracks, because he wants
to establish a face-to-face connection. But wherever possible, find out when
the person will next be in your city (or vice versa) and make a plan to connect
then to cement your new tie.
Arrive with a hypothesis on how to help. It s a sweet gesture, but I m often
flummoxed when people conclude a meeting with me by asking, So how can I help
you? Often, I have no idea (I don t know enough about them yet), and feel bad
when I m left with nothing to say. There s also the lingering suspicion that in
some cases, it may be a quid-pro-quo offer and that if I respond, I don t
know, how can I help you? they may unleash a torrent of requests.
Don t make your colleague do the work. In advance of the meeting, formulate a
hypothesis about how you can be helpful to them, and throughout the course of
your conversation, test it with subtle questions. Then, at or near the end of
the meeting, you can ask them explicitly whether your idea would actually be
useful. For instance, if you re meeting an entrepreneur, it s a pretty safe bet
that they re looking for new clients, so if you know someone who could use
their product or services, they d probably appreciate an introduction.
Similarly, offers of publicity are likely to go over well (perhaps you know the
program chair for the Chamber of Commerce or your professional association).
Even small gestures, such as sharing someone s social media posts or commenting
on their blog, are thoughtful forms of giving that are likely to be noticed.
Don t ask for favors for a very long time. I recently received a LinkedIn
request from someone I didn t know (or barely knew his message mentioned
meeting me, but I have no idea where). I accepted, and within minutes, a
message flooded into my inbox. This is totally asking a big favor, he began.
But, he went on, he d like an introduction to an editor at a high-level
publication I write for. Hint: if you have to use the phrase this is totally
asking a big favor with someone you hardly know, you shouldn t be making the
ask.
I learned this the hard way early on in my career. I d connected with a woman
who had recently spoken at a major conference I was eager to break into.
Shortly after meeting her, I followed up with an email, asking how she d
managed to land the speaking engagement. I was genuinely curious about the
process; I wasn t asking for an introduction. But I subsequently realized it
may have come off that way implicitly, and she never wrote me back then or
ever again. My new rule of thumb, which may sound draconian, is to wait at
least a year to ask someone for a favor of any magnitude. It s fantastic if
someone proactively offers to help you before that and people often will
but it s essential they feel it s their idea, rather than something they re
coerced into doing.
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule and if you ve become fast friends
with someone to the point where it s clear you re not using them, then ask
away. But it s far better to err on the side of waiting and establishing trust
early on by helping them, rather than extracting a short-term payoff that
damages the relationship.
Networking meetings can be the start of intensely fruitful relationships. They
may lead to business deals, connections to other great people, job offers, and
more. But those are side effects of relationship building, and your meetings
will be far more successful if you don t go in explicitly seeking them.
Dorie Clark is a marketing strategist and professional speaker who teaches at
Duke University s Fuqua School of Business. She is the author of Reinventing
You and the forthcoming Stand Out. You can subscribe to her e-newsletter and
follow her on Twitter.