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Can't Buy Love: Materialism Kills Marriages

2011-10-14 10:45:27

By COURTNEY HUTCHISON, ABC News Medical Unit | Good Morning America Wed, Oct

12, 2011 12:14 PM EDT

Focusing too heavily on the "for richer" part of the nuptial vows could spell

disaster for a marriage, according to research published today by Brigham Young

University.

In a survey of 1,700 married couples, researchers found that couples in which

one or both partners placed a high priority on getting or spending money were

much less likely to have satisfying and stable marriages.

"Our study found that materialism was associated with spouses having lower

levels of responsiveness and less emotional maturity. Materialism was also

linked to less effective communication, higher levels of negative conflict,

lower relationship satisfaction, and less marriage stability," said Jason

Carroll, a BYU professor of family life in Provo, Utah, and lead author of the

study.

Researchers gauged materialism using self-report surveys that asked questions

such as to what extent do you agree with these statements? "I like to own

things to impress people" or "money can buy happiness." Spouses were then

surveyed on aspects of their marriage.

For one out of every five couples in the study, both partners admitted a strong

love of money. These couples were worse off in terms of marriage stability,

marriage satisfaction, communications skills and other metrics of healthy

matrimony that researchers studied.

The one out of seven couples that reported low-levels of materialism in both

partners scored 10 to 15 percent higher in all metrics of marital quality and

satisfaction. Interestingly, the correlation between materialism and marital

difficulties remained stable regardless of the actual wealth of the couple.

The Things That Money Just Can't Buy

Study authors and marriage experts noted that the findings probably have to do

with the personality traits that go along with materialism. They will be

published today in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy.

"The finding does not necessarily mean that it is the materialism itself that

damages their relationships. ... A materialistic orientation may be associated

with other unidentified factors, such as childhood deprivation or neglect,

which might play a more pivotal role in adult marital satisfaction," said Don

Catherall, professor of clinical psychiatry and behavioral sciences at

Northwestern University in Chicago. "Of course, it may also simply mean that

people who are more focused on making money have less energy and interest left

to invest in their marriages."

Other studies have shown that materialism is correlated with a host of

personality traits and interpersonal skills that might hinder a marriage.

"People who are materialistic tend to be narcissistic and concerned with

impressing people," said Susan Heitler, a Denver-based clinical psychologist

and creator of marriage resource site Poweroftwomarriage.com. "They have a

tendency to be anxious, depressed, have relatively poor relationship skills and

have low self-esteem. These qualities in turn can cause marital problems."

Heitler recalls one patient who said that whenever she felt empty in her

relationship, she would "fill up the hole" by buying lots of things and this

would make her feel better. Her husband, who didn't share this love of buying,

would then "kindly return all of it because they couldn't afford what she had

bought," Heitler recounted, "and the wife was grateful that he would return it

because she didn't really want the stuff in the end, but she got satisfaction

from the purchasing."

Such a pattern highlights another dynamic researchers found, when one partner

is highly materialistic and the other is not.

Relationships usually fair better when partners share priorities and values,

but researchers found that the opposite was true in this case. When only one

partner was materialistic and the other not, the non-materialistic partners

seemed to buoy the marriage, resulting in higher levels of satisfaction,

communication and stability in marriages made of mismatched couples when

compared to dual-materialistic ones.

"Spouses that are mismatched on materialism may do better in their

relationships than spouses with shared materialistic values because at least

one spouse may possess more 'other-centeredness' and 'emotional readiness,'"

said Laura Frame, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at

the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City.

The findings will be published today in the Journal of Couple & Relationship

Therapy.