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I want to ride a horse
It’s been a long time coming
I was against horses
I hated them and their
Big teeth and hooves
But now i realized that
I want to ride a horse
I want to get up on it
And ride it like cowboy
Like cowboy like cowboy
Horses are animals
Like rabbits and dogs
They eat carrots and hay
From what i can tell
In cartoons
They talk like scooby doo
Rehehehehe
But you can climb up on one
And ride it like a car
A living car with feelings
No gas or oil or wiper fluid
Just blood and guts and sugar cubes
Horses are good
And now i want to ride one
So if you have a horse
You should let me ride it
I pick leaves from branches as I pass
And i shove them in my pockets
Leaves are good for caterpillars
I stand still between the bushes
And they crawl out towards me
Wheep whorp wheep whorp
Up the leg of my pants into my pocket
There are dozens, hundreds of them
Rolling around in my jeans
I reach in and grab them by the handful
I shove them into my mouth
I swallow them whole
Butterflies in my stomach
Cold metal at the tips of my fingers
Wrapped tight around my limb
I am used to this feeling
Like riding a bike
Or wearing shoes or glasses
The self is a malleable thing
My arm ends where it touches things
My brain ends where it stops thinking
They can plug wires into anything
And nowadays they will
For some it doesn’t take
But i know myself
I know i can stomach this
You can remove every piece of me
Plank by plank
And i will still be here
sit before the court
give your testimony
for sixty seconds
they will listen
then pour water
over burning justice
your flame burns out
but the coals are hot
so pick up a torch
and keep burning
I smash my car
into your car
Now it’s Our Car
8 wheels 2 engines
2 drivers 4 hands 1 road
We do this 10
Maybe 20 million more times
And we can drive our car
Into the ocean
Sink it to the bottom
And tomorrow
We can walk to work
I’m waxing
I’m waning
I’m at the combination
Taco Bell Pizza Hut
Drinking Pepsi Products
And I’m spinning around
In the light of a backlit poster
Of a man eating a burrito
Or a man-eating burrito
You don’t always see me
But you know I’m always there
Pulling on the Baja blast tides
Marking the passage of time
Neo
The matrix is real as fuck
Look at this mirror
It’s goopy
That’s not how they’re supposed to be
Check out these pills
They make crazy stuff happen
Take the uh
Um
Take the blue one
Yeah
Take the blue one and
Go back to bed
Take the red one
And
Freak
Your
Mind
Hi
Can i pet your dog
He looks like he could use
Can i pet your dog
A scratch behind the ears
Can i pet your dog
And a pat on the head
Can i pet your dog
I know the feeling
Can i pet your dog
Too hot! It’s too damn hot
I’m sweating I’m boiling
And you’re cranking the heat
Setting a fire in the
middle of the street
My house is too hot
My car is too hot
My planet is too hot
For fucks sake
Can’t you see I’m sweating
If you die on the moon
You can’t go to heaven
That’s for earth deaths only
There’s a moon afterlife
But it’s so so lonely
Up there with the asteroids
It’s just you and Buzz Aldrin
(He never came back)
It’s just rubble and craters
And fading to black
baby shoes
the lonely baby
seems to sell his shoes at night
he’s all alone through the baby shoes
the lonely baby
seems to sell his shoes at night
at at at night
I’m not a writer
I’m a thinker
I’m not a thinker
I’m a dreamer
I’m not a dreamer
I’m a joker
I’m not a joker
I’m a smoker
I’m not a smoker
I’m a midnight toker
Certain birds at certain times
Fly like i think you would
And feel you there
In that sound
In this light
In this feeling
These pieces of you
Some of them have gone
The rest are safe here with me
You’ve grown
You say, as if that wasn’t my goal
I’ve been beefin up
I’ve been chowing down
I’ve been working out
I’ve been growing
On the outside
And the inside too
Some day very soon
I will stand so damn tall
That i can pick up your house
And eat it
And you will have nowhere to live
I scroll back to
where it hurt the most
and i realize now
for the last time i hope
that i forgive you
it seems that again I am in a new shape
my length my width my height all equal
so roll my body like a die into the bathroom
to stare at the cube in the mirror
i hold my breath and suck in, no change
pull a razor from the medicine cabinet
and begin hacking at the edges of me
blood streams down my four vertical faces
lopping off large chunks i carve myself
into a shape you might recognize
and again am disappointed when
there is nothing left but bone
the tendons above the upper lip
are tugged by the brain
exposing yellowing fangs
and the tip of the tongue
this is a threat in any language
teeth are made for biting
the gen z sierra mist van
is pumping lemon lime air
into local businesses
free of charge
on the corner they host
thursday night trivia
every monday night
the worlds largest
corinthian pillar
is filled with water
the new hospital is built
on top of the old one
from parts they don't need
like jenga
Jesus went up on the mountain
And fell to his knees in prayer
He said
“Dad, i need some clarification
I’ve been trying REALLY HARD
To do all the right stuff and not sin
And to be like you and all that.
But there are some gray areas
That I would like to discuss.
Namely, am i allowed to fuck?
Like i get that sinful indulgence
Is bad. And i would NEVER
Get too slutty with it.
But sex is kind of inherent
To the human experience.
If i am to be, as you say
Fully God and Fully Man
Shouldn’t I get to Fuck?”
. . .
And God thought on this
He scratched His chin
“Well…”
He said
“You make a strong case
So i will allow it
But for your sake
For my sake
For Gods sake
Wear a condom”
I want to go to the beach
And lie in the sand
For a long long time
And listen to the waves
There’s no reason for me
To be feeling so worried
I’ve got food in my belly
I’ve got nothing to prove
Maybe i will go after
All this unpleasantness
Is over
Turtles live forever
Don’t you know
They move through time
Different from you
They travel all over
And never leave home
There’s nowhere to be
And no time to be there
They have eyes
The same as you do
My turtle up and ran away
Some time between yesterday morning
And right this second
Must have scaled the chicken wire cage
(Should’ve used turtle wire instead)
And gone off to find some crickets
Used to be I’d carry him to the garden
Lifting rocks to get us some grubs
But he’s never been farther than that
Probly took him a half an hour to reach
The end of the yard
I wonder which way he went from there
Could’ve gone up into the neighbors
Or off towards the field
If he made it across the street
I’m sure he found a nice creek or pond
To spend the rest of his days in
Maybe I’ll see him again
Or maybe a decade will pass
And i will never know
Where that turtle went
All them cowboys
What you used to hear
Singing on the radio
Now are dead and gone
Buried in the dirt so
they don’t sing no more
The grinding of two surfaces
Steel on steel
Or me on myself
Force exerted across an area
A pressure
In kips per square inch
Some members
Are meant to be in
Constant tension
In order to keep it all together
After all this
Strain
The limit is only ever known
At the moment of failure
You don’t even know
What a tree really is
So he’s sat there
Disgustingly
Well i guess the way he’s sitting
It’s pretty normal but
This fucking guy he
He just sucks okay
Sipping on my sludge
It’s radioactive
I had to get it from
Some lady on the dark web
(That’s like the regular web
But it’s more darker)
I hope it changes me
I’ve worked hard to
Be at peace with myself
But i still want to change
Sometimes i think that
I don’t want to be myself at all
Other times i feel like i haven’t
Been myself at all yet
After a week no change
Save for a small protrusion
In the middle of my forehead
which grows each day for
The rest of the month
Outwards and upwards
Branching out
When i reach up and touch it
My brand new antler
Feels like me
There is something so beautiful about
Hamburger
Again
You enter uncertain
Poisonous
There is something here forbidden
Yet all other law is forfeit
Nothing here but absence
No clean answer
No good choice
Muffled discontentment
Stifled incontinence
The inherent risk
Of resting
Here of all places
In the men’s room
God
He/Him
Age 5 billion and something i think
I love molecules and atoms and stuff like that
Humans are Gods Special Babies
Made delicately in His image
He doesn’t actually care about
All those other creatures
And plants and stuff
He made those as a joke
In a game of poker
it does you no good
to show your hand
before you know
if you can win or not
but you can’t hold them
tight to your chest forever
eventually the dealer will
call security and make you
give them back
Man makes a plan
And God Laughs
But what if
Two baddies
Maximize their joint slay?
Think on that,
God
There are many breeds of dog
Yellow
Poodle
Rottweiler
And science says they’re all the same thing
Their DNA is the same
Ok
So if that’s true
How far can this go
How big can a dog get
Conversely how small
What is the speed of dog
The limit at which dog is no longer dog
But something else entirely
Evolution occurs at every generation
There is no baseline, no stagnation
A species is a point in time
So what I’m trying to say here is
Let’s make a green dog
Let’s make a blue dog
Let’s make a tall dog
Let’s make a long dog
Let’s make a fat dog
Let’s make a hotdog
Let’s make a flat dog
Let’s make a wide dog
Let’s make a dog who wears glasses
Let’s make a dog who can read
Let’s make a striped dog
Let’s make a polka dot dog
Let’s make a cat dog
Yeah let’s make a cat dog
One end is a cat
The other is, well, you know
It’s a dog
Okay let’s do that
Barack Obama
Hillary Joe Biden
Wokeness
Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan
George Bush
Wilhelm Scream
Into my open mouth, love
So i can feel you echo
In my stomach
Let me be your
Can on a string
Say whatever you want
It will pass right through me
You can hit me
if that’s really what you want
It’s like playing drums i guess
But I’d rather you didn’t
For Sale
Fringe Jacket
Never Worn
Boys are from Mars. . . Cars
Girls are from Venus. . . Penis
How to say
“Good Evening”
To your neighbor
Without sounding like
Dracula
Well first off
You should drop the
Thick Transylvanian Accent
that’s not doing you any favors
You could lose the cloak and
Plastic fangs as well
Then from there
It’s pretty much just
You smile and you make
Brief but meaningful eye contact
Say Good Evening
Maybe a small nod or wave
Would be good
And then get out of there QUICK
enter a world of imagination
a multiverse of wonder
every character
from every movie
and every show
and every book
and every story
ever told
together for the first time
Batman has sex with Marge Simpson
Mickey Mouse meets Doctor Who
The blue M&M and Beowulf
Go on an adventure with
Free Willy and the Duolingo Owl
In the background
Millions of characters mill about
Do you recognize them
Do you love them
Rick from Rick and Morty
Morty from Rick and Morty
Sully from Monsters Inc
SpongeBob
Heathcliff
Doctor Mario
Will Smith in Shark Tales
Will Smith in iRobot
Will Smith in I Am Legend
Mister Potato Head
They’re all here
Interacting
God this is great
10000 hours of things you missed
Big red circle thumbnail
Easter Eggs
Is this what you want
Shrek with a lightsaber
Michael Scott on Mars
Aang meets Jake Sully
Godzilla versus Tár
Walter White works with Dexter
Willy Wonka and Tony Stark
Stay after the credits
You need to see the sequel
The story will continue
Forever
Forever
Forever (Sandlot)
At long last we’ve done it
The final form of media
The Intellectual Property Cinematic Universe
Got my Dogs Out
I’m sat on a stump
Chewing onion grass
And let me tell you
I feel it
I’m starting to struggle
I’m beat I’m done I’m weak
It feels like
There’s more foo
Than i could ever fight
eat now
and i will look out for you
I will feel you in the ripples
As i turn the other way
the only wave that matters
looks like a venn diagram
The water has returned
From where it was locked away
Three bouquets of flowers
Sit drowned on the shore
Robins hop when they aren’t flying
And sing when they aren’t sleeping
Spring is something you can feel
On your skin. In your feet.
You never see a bunny straight on
You’re never going the same direction
There’s nothing like
A place for you to sit
Atop brand new mound
Or against a big tree trunk
Arched parallel to your spine
If you let it, it will hold you
For Baby
Baby Baby
Never Baby
If you get positive feedback
on something
Like for instance
A poem about baby shoes
The best thing you can do
is lean in HARD
wring that joke for all its worth
beat that horse for all its glue
You never know
You may never be funny again
This could be your only chance
To wear those baby shoes
When life gives you lemons
make baby shoes
When life gives you limes
make baby shoes
When life gives you oranges
make baby shoes
When life gives you baby shoes
make more baby shoes
Dental Plan
Lisa Needs Braces
Dental Plan
Lisa Needs Braces
Dental Plan
Lisa Needs Braces
Baby Shoes
Never Worn For Sale
come on come on
big money no whammies
baby needs a new pair of shoes
Pull yourself up by your
Baby Bootstraps
There's work to be done
There's debt to be payed
And shoes to be made
Start a new business
Invest in BabyCoin
Sublease your sneakers
Sell your hair on Etsy
Charge interest on your
Aldi Shopping Cart Quarter
Buy land and gold
Patent the concept of
infant footwear
Make a penny on the dollar
Every time they're worn
Rise and grind
Baby Shoes Mindset
Haunted Baby Shoes
Leaving footprints in your stead
followed by some infant phantom
learning to walk learning to creep
learning to lurk in the shadows
Goo Goo GaGa, More like
Boo! Boo! AHHHHHHH AHHHHHH
You hide under the covers
and listen for the telltale
pitter patter pitter patter
on the ceiling in the walls
up and down the halls
evil devil ghost baby
gonna step all over you
with his scary baby shoes
worn once, and then forever
Barefoot baby
What need has he for shoes
He can scarcely walk
And the ground is soft here
It's good for him
to feel the grass
between his four little toes
She baby on my shoes til I'm worn
My love
as you know, we are so very poor
and Christmas is drawing near
and so I have sold my prized possession
my beloved pocket watch
for just enough to buy you
a priceless pair of baby shoes
never worn, for sale
Whats this?
You've sold the baby?
So that you could afford a gift?
A new chain for my silver watch?
Aw shucks am I embarrassed
I guess its the thought that counts
I'll list these shoes on Craigslist
Maybe we can get the baby back
the sun arcs overhead and light
illuminates the green waves of the valley
cascading down the hills in
the soft spring breeze
from somewhere up the mountain
a stream trickles down
dancing from bank to bank
down down and around
lingering in a small pool for some time
before it runs off towards the coast
under some set of feet
a single stone yields and falls downwards
bouncing once and rolling
into the water with a small splash
the light of the tangent sun
rides the concurrent ripples out
the mathematician steps up
onto a large flat boulder and sighs
with eyes wide open
he misses the beauty before him
in the sunlight he sees wavelengths
in the hills there are sine curves
the wind kissing his face is
a force, a pressure differential
he sees in the clear mountain stream
only laws and equations
replicable patterns, rote and routine
proven to him by numbers
which rule the deterministic world
he has built in his mind
a scale model of the true thing
an exact approximation
and there in his perfect universe
of cause, effect, and calculations
he sits and stares into the water
and realizes he is miserable
the mass and velocity of every entity
can be plotted to the end of time
yet he still feels without direction
even now as the attractive force of gravity
holds him firmly to this rock
it swings him wildly around the sun
Ever wanted to be in two places at once?
Struggling to balance your work and life?
You may be interested in this special machine
Deep beneath the surface in a secret lab
With levers switches buttons flashing lights
And great glass tubes of gross green goo
Prick your finger and sit right there
You need to stay still for this part
CLINK CLANK WHIRRRR SWOOSH
DING!
Your very own Genuine DNA-Replicated
Certified Identical Lab Grown Clone
Same eyes same face same mind same heart
All the same memories. Up to this point
All the same feelings. All the same needs.
Another You to do with as you please
Send yourself to work in the morning
So you can watch movies all day
Take your wife out for dinner
While your girlfriend is over
Do your taxes and pay the rent
Write a novel learn the clarinet
Take a load off sleep all day long
You've earned this for yourself
A week or two, a month passes
And you seem a little less identical
Like you've gained a few pounds
Like you've lost a few pounds
One of you is high on the couch
The other is biting your nails at work
You feel like you're finally happy
You feel like nothing has changed
In secret from yourself you slip away
Down down into the darkened lab
Flip a switch and find yourself a seat
CLINK CLANK WHIRRRR SWOOSH DING PLOP
A photocopy of a photocopy falls to the floor
Oh this is such a great idea
This is going to turn everything around
Come on get up you need to work in the morning
How long do you think you can hold out
Before you repeat yourself again
What harm would it do to make just one more
What good would it do to wait
It's not like anyone else is working
It's not like anyone else would know
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING
Uh oh
Things have settled down now, you think
The bed is a bit crowded and your wife is gone
But you've finally got the schedule settled
You work on Monday, You take out the trash
You go get the groceries, You go to class
You watch all the movies, You go to the gym
You cook, You clean, You write, You read
And you all get together on Sunday for drinks
She is right there
Standing in front of you
You get choked up
Just thinking of
Something to say
She’s got it all
She looks at you and
You’re done for
She looks like
If you could see gravity
And gravity was
Really sexy
She’s wearing that outfit
The one with the
Shapes and colors
God damn it
And worst of all
She’s
The woman reading this right now
They took all the baby shoes,
Put em in a baby shoe museum
And charged the people
A dollar and a half
Just to see them
:((
Got my baby jordans
Got my baby reebok
Got my baby soccer cleats
Got my baby penny loafers
Got my baby sperry topsiders
Got my baby Nike Airmax
Got my baby Sketcher Shape Ups
Got my baby crocs
Got my baby big boy shoes
Got my baby stiletto heels
Got my baby combat boots
Got my baby those shoes with the toes on them
Got my baby slippers
Got my baby flippers
Got my baby new shoes
Got my baby blue shoes
Got my baby old shoes
Got my baby gold shoes
Got my baby clogs
Got my baby moccasins
Got my baby Iron Boots
Got my baby the shoe that that fairy tale lady lived in
Got my baby the shoes from Holes
Got my baby the shoes from Like Mike
Got my baby the ruby slippers from Wizard of Oz
Got my baby the cinderella shoes
Got my baby the spray-on shoes from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Got my baby Boots' boots from Dora
Got my baby clown shoes
Got my baby serious shoes
Got my baby your shoes
Got my baby my shoes
Got my baby baby shoes
Got my baby never worn
Got my baby sad story shoes
For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn
I'm a grown ass man, Susan
I don't even know why you thought
I would want these
Who gives baby shoes as a gift
Who does that
Got an abortion so I dont need them shoes you gave me
For Sale: Baby socks, Never Worn
my baby got dang feet
too big for these got dang shoes
gotta sell them
probably wont even break even
gold plated baby sneakers
Custom engraved and everything
:(
Baby sad
FOr Sale Baby
Baby dont need shoes
Me and
One billion monkeys
on four billion typewriters
(one for each hand,
one for each foot)
If they really work hard
(I will pay them many bananas
this is an ethical hypothetical)
I think together we can write
One Really Good Poem
Whats better than one dog
Well I will tell you
if you give me a second
god damn
its two dogs
(two of them)
in the same place at
the same time
theyre both eating grass
its cool as fuck
I love these guys
they kissed too
There is
a secret phrase that
will help you solve this puzzle
come close and i will tell you
I will whisper it softly
I'm So Scared All The Time
Just practicing is okay
I think its nice when
all the words line up
even if it doesn't say
anything much at all
Here and here
but not
over there
heat like
cellophane burning
eyebrows lashes
nostrils
dark red black
choking
this must be done
or it all burns
Tucking your shirt into your pants
is the best proven way to feel like
you are in control of this thing
if that fails, tuck your pants into your socks
Being a grown up is all about fearing death
Getting so scared that you do the same thing
Every day for the rest of your life
And you don't even like it
You should try wearing a hat for a while
having something on top of your head
Can really turn things around
Trust me on this one, bud trust me
Pigboy eat your slop
Pigboy cut the grass
Pigboy get moving
Pigboy off your ass
Pigboy has had it
Pigboy is done
Pigboy is leaving
Pigboy on the run
Pigboy is ready
Pigboy is old
Pigboy is lonely
Pigboy is cold
Pigboy we miss you
Pigboy alone
Pigboy we're sorry
Pigboy come home
Blue Tailed Skink
Cut loose at your weakest point
Leave something behind
But move on for gods sake
You don't go down that path no more
But it remains there
How many limbs could you grow
If you weren't afraid to lose again
My heart walks on four legs
scurrying anxiously at your feet
I go to collect it from the floor
But it always eludes me
Like tom like jerry
Like the looniest tune
dog and cat
cat and mouse
fish and man
shrimp and rice
if i could hold it in my hands
I would squeeze too tight
blood like suds from a sponge
dripping on the floor
I would wince and recoil
drop and send it crawling back
under the table where you sit
wrapped around your ankle
begging pleading needing you
I will get it next time
They took all the trees
And put them in a tree museum
the air outside is hot and thin
the forest now a wasteland of stumps
half dug up and rotting
where they've yet to be paved over
birds circle aimlessly overhead
until they drop from exhaustion
the museum stands alone in a graveyard
like some inverted mausoleum
people flock from all across the state
shuffling and shoving in line
snaking around the building
peeking through the windows
Admittance is cheap
But the cost is monumental
Summer grass turned yellow
singed in unbroken sunlight
Autumns pass without color
and floods have only grown worse
there goes the garden
swept away in the washload
telephone poles stand like ghosts
in the wide barren plains
And it will never come back
those shady walks with your love
sitting in the treehouse with
your bestest friends
the sound of the breeze
the crunch of the leaves
oh don't it always seem to go
Shoo bop bop bop
is just words only
its hard to write
it tastes of cinnamon
burnt across your palate
so did you mean what you said
you said did you mean so what
Meaning is like a
Like a metaphor
it works from this angle
But not this one
pale blue mist broken by long silhouette
shifting rays of sun pass through us
moving north I hear you breathe softly
as the landscape turns grayscale
tempo the beating heart
the machine arterial flow
I cannot see the shapes
I can not see the shapes
The colors overlap without blending
Whether they are true or true adjacent
I feel I have a purpose here
Something I can manage
I look at you with your eyes closed
I pretend you do the same
Say something I can repeat
God Damnit