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⬅️ Previous capture (2021-12-04)
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Originally I set out to write at least one post each week, and to read it out loud each week at a recovery meeting. That makes this the third entry, during the third week. I have not found a meeting. An Atheist and Agnostic meeting I have been to previously was closed. A SMART meeting I used to visit more frequently was not in session at the usual location. The website was not updated. I emailed the coordinator and it too has moved online. There may only be one in person SMART meeting less than an hour away from me. I will try to go this week, even though it is far away. I should use that opportunity to reach out to another friend I know in that area I have not seen in a while.
I am not sure if I will read each entry word for word. Just the last few exercises have helped me narrow my focus into one brief topic or set of topics that I could discuss more easily. I suppose I will see how it goes. There is one topic that has been on my mind for a few days - that of the twelve steps. I did not formally go through each of the twelve steps with a sponsor, the way you are "supposed to do." There are complications. There is a lot I identify with in each of the steps. I still think it is a very good framework for recovery, and would recommend anyone who is not sure to begin there. Of course, my advice may not be the best. I did make a lot of mistakes in the years between "knowing I had a problem" to "I should do something about this" to "how am I ever going to change this?" I did change it. There is still something missing. I believe its the fundamental element of confession, that Carl Jung talks about. It's hard for me to share certain things, but I have noticed it is getting slightly easier. I may try to find a sponsor and work the twelve steps. I should begin to share more details, particularly the ones I wanted to ignore for many years. It's becoming clearer to me now that a lot of my experiences led to alcoholism. That, coupled with physical and social pressures, and a rich family history of alcoholism.