💾 Archived View for yujiri.xyz › writing › henrys-quest › chapter1.gmi captured on 2023-04-19 at 23:21:29. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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Our computer doesn't play videos. Mom has explained its software hasn't been updated in a decade due to there not being any Linux distributions left with operational package repositories, and all the websites that are still online these days have migrated to new codecs that aren't supported in our ancient browser. I don't know what all of that means but I understand that our computer can't play videos and so we don't even bother trying.
But today, as we were reading a news article together, something incredible happened! One of the videos auto-played instead of failing to load!
We're all so surprised that at first I look around for someone else in the room who the speech might be coming from. Mom, who's usually the one operating the computer because she's the only one who understands these devices, nearly falls out of the chair. She pauses the video, and we come to an agreement: we should invite everyone else in the camp to watch it together.
A few minutes later, 15 people are gathered in our bunker. My little sister, June, grumbles about the hot air getting in as they enter. It's about 40 degrees Celcius out, which is pretty common, which is why all of the houses here are in the form of bunkers.
Everyone's eager to watch an actual news broadcast for the first time in forever. What's going on in the world beyond? Life in our camp is so dull that this is one of the few things that consistently interests all of us, plus hearing a new person's voice will be interesting. Mom clicks to unpause the video, and it shows a loading spinner, for... a while...
Aaaaand eventually the loading spinner gets replaced with a "codec not supported" error.
Murmurs of disappointment from everyone. Some don't believe us that it ever played, and accuse us of playing a prank. June argues that we wouldn't have let so much heat in just for a prank.
Mom tries reloading the page and fiddling with it a bit more, but soon gives up. "Whatever... I'll just read the transcript."
The article talks about the bandit gangs that roam the land outside of Xenia, and how Xenia is the only safe haven of civilization left. The source - this is the only news outlet we can find with a still-running website - is a department of the government of Xenia, so of course they're going to have a perspective biased in favor of said government.
That said, Mom and Dad have assured me the bandit stuff is real. They lived in a remote town called Duncan, ruled by a bandit crew, for a few years. They had had to flee from Xenia because Dad was a traitor to Xenia's police force. I was 4 years old when they moved here, a tiny settlement abandoned and reclaimed by a few scavengers. Almost no one has come or gone since.
After everyone leaves, the four of us are about to go our separate ways, but Dad gasps and falls down. "The implant???" He tries to feel the back of his head where it's located, but seems to have limited control of his arm.
Dad has a neurological condition that causes intermittent muscle and nerve failures like this. It escalates and leads to death if untreated. He has an implant that neutralizes the condition, but only as long as it stays operational.
Mom crouches beside him. "Is it malfunctioning? God, this could be serious. Henry, where'd you leave the multimeter?"
I get up to fetch the multimeter from the experiments I was doing. I also gather some other tools I expect she'll need. When I return, Dad is able to get up and move to a chair.
Mom starts to diagnose the implant. She's the only one knowledgeable enough to know what to do here, so June and I just watch anxiously.
After a few minutes, she slumps back in her chair. "It's broken."
Dad places his face in his palm. He looks graver than I've ever seen him.
Since he doesn't, I ask Mom, "Can you fix it?"
Now Mom has the same expression. "How can I even say this... The answer is no. We would need a new Cerebrolink Core A3."
Dad says, "So it's over?"
Mom just maintains her grim expression without saying anything.
"Over", what are they *talking* about?
I say, "Hold on, how can we get one?"
Mom says, "We can't. Those things haven't been manufactured for years. The only ones still in existence are either broken or selling for a fortune somewhere."
I stand up. "Then I'll go to Duncan and get one!"
Dad says, "With what fortune?"
"I don't know. I'll steal it."
"Stealin's wrong, Henry."
"But you need it!"
"Whoever has it probably needs it too. There's no honor in helping your family by putting down someone else's."
"So what, you expect to just... die?"
Dad sighs. "yes."
June and I scream simultaneously.
I say, "No, no, no! What's gotten into you?"
"Pipe down, son. Your shouting rattles my head."
"I'm not just gonna sit here while you die, knowing there's something that can save you out there!"
"You can't get that thing."
"I'll find a way."
"Besides, it's really dangerous. Even if you had the money, you'd likely be killed by bandits, wildlife, or the elements. The world's only gotten more dangerous since we escaped here. I don't want to risk my son's life on some hopeless quest just to keep me going for a few more years. I'd rather spend my last few months with my family. I don't want to outlive my son.
I don't know how to argue further. I see how it is.
Dad continues, "I've had... a good 50 years of living. It really was good. I was lucky. I had all the adventures I wanted when I was young, I survived dangers I shouldn't have survived. I got to meet... a wonderful woman. I got to have wonderful kids. Kids who I know will carry on without me, and make me proud. And I get to die peacefully, surrounded by family."
He and Mom start crying. June and I don't, because we haven't accepted the reality of what's happening.
June says, "Dad, you can't just give up on living! We need you! We love you! And we don't wanna lose you!"
Dad says, "You don't want to lose Henry too."
June seems to have already lost confidence in opposing him. "I don't want to lose anyone..."
Dad says, "Neither do I. But that's not a choice. You can either lose me or lose me and Henry."
He may have convinced June but there's no way he'll convince me. "I don't accept this. I will go to Duncan, and I will find your Cerebrolink Core A3."
"Henry, don't make this mistake. You've got a long life ahead of you. I don't. Don't throw yours away in some hot headed attempt to reject reality. People die. People have always died. The universe doesn't make exceptions for you. Reality is a brick wall. You accept it or you die for nothing."
"No."
Dad shakes his head. "So what? You're really going to head out there alone, you don't even know if Duncan still exists, you have no connections there if you do get there alive, no money, no idea if anyone there even has a MCGUFFIN, and no idea how you'd obtain it if someone does?"
"Yes."
"Come on, Henry..." His voice has shifted to a grumpy, defeated tone. Given up on convincing me and just saying platitudes.
"I guess I'll set out this evening. With luck, I'll be able to get to Duncan the sun rises."
---
That evening, while I'm packing my backpack with food, June bursts into the room with me.
"Henry! If you're not coming back, I wanna go with you!"
Her words jolt my soul. I'm not sure how to handle this; I can't expect her to accept that she's going to lose me, but I also can't lead her to death.
Wait, I have to stay consistent. Not get infected by Dad's opinion. My official position is that I'm going to succeed. She doesn't have to lose me. I don't have to solve a huge emotional problem here, I just have to succeed in my mission.
"I will come back," I say.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
She's still looking at me a little unconvinced, so I come up with more words: "Dad is wrong. He's just a pessimist. I'll be fine. I'll be careful. I'm just gonna get the MCGUFFIN and come back. It'll probably be just a couple of days."
"Okay.. I'll wait for your return. And when you get back, we'll celebrate." She manages to smile.
"Yeah. Look forward to it."
My conscience stabs me after I say that last part. That wasn't necessary, and am I filling her with false hope?
Not like I can take it back. That would just make her think I'm going to die. She has to think I'm not going to die, and I have to think I'm not going to die. It'll be okay as long as I make good on this promise. Then I won't have caused her extra pain.
I give her one last hug, then step outside and take one last look around the camp.
What a pitiful place to live. There's not even 2 dozen people here, and most of the people who are are old, dejected fugitives or broken souls who've lost everyone and everything they care about and just don't have the will to end it. Who would dream of spending the rest of their life here, condemned to a future of miserable farming?
On one hand, you could say that gives Dad a point - if life here is so dull then why try so hard to preserve it? - but that's no way to think, you gotta live for the hope that someday things can change. I don't know how...
I face toward the sunset, the direction I'll be walking. It's time. I'm exhilarated.
Dad comes out of the bunker. "Henry. One last plea."
I stand still to hear him out, but I remain looking outward. I like seeing the dusk.
"Please don't leave June and your mom alone." He sounds like he's on the verge of crying. I've never heard this before.
He continues, "I'm begging you. If there is anything I can do with my last moments to prevent them from losing you as well... then I will be happy."
I can't say any words. So I just shake my head while looking away, toward my journey.
"What would you do if someone was going to add insult to your death like this? Taking a second person away from your loved ones at the same time? Do I just stand here and accept that?"
Ouch. Have I really made him feel bitter toward me? Is that how we part?
Well... have to remember, since I'm coming back, it'll all be okay. He'll take back any bitterness then.
"I'm asking you, Henry. What would you do if you were in my position?"
Finally something I feel I can answer. "I'd let me go, because I'd rather try than accept my fate."
"I see. That's how you are. It's not about logic or probability is it? You'll just always choose to try, even if failure will make our fate worse."
"Yeah..."
"Good luck, Henry. Maybe you're right."
He walks back inside. And with that, I start my journey.